Destination Wedding Drama

posted 2 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 2
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

No one is obliged to attend a destination wedding, end of story. I mean, let me get this straight, you are being shunned by family because you’re unwilling to spend $3000-4000 on someone else’s wedding? I would just repeatedly tell family: sorry, it’s nothing personal, but we can’t afford it.

p.s. If FBIL says local weddings are so expensive, then what he is in doing by having a DW is offloading wedding costs onto guests. I’m also willing to bet there really are cost effective local options, if he keeps the guest list to a reasonable size.

Post # 4
Member
42546 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

aussiemum1248:  You had the plans in motion for your wedding before they announced their destination wedding. Your priority is saving for your own wedding. I would hate to miss my brother’s wedding, but if I couldn’t afford it, it is what it is.

Question:Are the family members who were unable to afford your out of province wedding suddenly able to afford their out of country weding?

Your FI can tell his brother he would be happy to be his BM if they pay his airfare and accommodation.

Post # 5
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

wanderingthoughts:  Stick to your guns. After that it is “rude” of them to expect you to take money from your wedding fund to “go” see them wed. 

Post # 6
Member
47 posts
Newbee

dont make the decision to go/not go based on sticking to your guns/saving face. If it’s important for your FI to be there for his brother and stand up for him if still asked- and you can manage financially- that should be the only reason you accept the invitation and attend. Not going or going based on principal isn’t the best approach. Decide if you want to and can afford to go- and reply accordingly. 

Post # 7
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

wanderingthoughts:  Wow, that’s some gall they have. I’m definitely in the camp that if you have a DW you accept upfront that means many people won’t be able/won’t want to go for a variety of reasons. I’d definitely stick to your guns – if you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. I woudn’t go into debt for my own wedding and I certainly would not go into debt for somebody elses! If thye want your FI there so much then they can pay his costs to attend. I wouldn’t make it personal I’d just stick to the financial reasons – you’d love to be there but it is not possible financially for you.

Post # 10
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

wanderingthoughts:  Why do you – or anyone – need to be there for 5 days? 

Assuming it’s a Satruday wedding: drive there on Friday, stay two nights in the cheapest hotel you can find (not necessarily the one they want you to), drive back Sunday. I’m not sure where this is, but $300 for a couple is a lot! Assuming it’s at some sort of beautiful seaside town, is there something cheap half an hour away?

You’re still within your rights to not attend, but that could make it affordable for you.

Post # 12
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic

Save the money for your wedding. You change your wedding plans to accompdate your guest and their over here trying to make you and your FI blow $4000? Thats ridiculous you have your own wedding that you need to save for. Sometimes you can’t make everyobody happy.

Post # 15
Member
7286 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Oh the irony. Gotta love how some people change their tune when its their turn to wed. I would try to go for a day or two max and just not care about the pre wedding fesitivies. I’m sorry, you have your own household to run and finance.

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