(Closed) Destination Wedding Etiquette: Should we pay for family's flight/hotel???

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should Bride- and Groom-to-Be pay the flight & hotel 4 immediate family in a Destination Wedding?
    Yes, we should pay for all immediately family. : (2 votes)
    5 %
    No, they should be responsible for their own transporation and accomodations. : (35 votes)
    83 %
    Yes we should pay for flight but not hotel. : (1 votes)
    2 %
    Yes we should pay for hotel, but for flight. : (4 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7904 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    You are by no means obligated to pay for their lodging or flights, but it is lovely if you can. If you were to decide to do one, but not the other, I’d pay for lodging (or some of it… like maybe the evening before and of the actual wedding and additional nights are up to them). I would not want to be any part of helping other people arrange their flights. Plus, you don’t want to get screwed over because they don’t want to take the cheapeat flight option.

    Post # 4
    Member
    790 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    It’s a very generous gesture for someone who has the means, but that would be out of reach for most people and you can’t feel bad if that’s the case. I had a little guilt about having a destination wedding early on (even though we don’t live anywhere near any of our family so most of our guests would have had to travel a similar distance even if we’d had the wedding at home), and in the early stages of planning I had this notion that I would try to pay for all my guests’ hotel rooms for two nights. But once I started to add up all the costs of the wedding, that notion pretty quickly fizzled out. And I realized that I would be heaping an ENORMOUS cost on myself in order to save each guest a non-negligible, but manageable cost. If we didn’t have a budget to stick to I would have done it, but like the vast majority of people that wasn’t the case for us.

    Your SO is still in that stage (like I was) where you all haven’t sat down and crunched numbers yet. It’s all theoretical. I suspect his ideas will change once he puts dollars and cents to the idea. Or his desire to do this (even though it’s not financially feasible) may be an expression of unease about the idea of a destination wedding, in which case you’ll have to sort that out. Part of that will probably include sitting down and talking to the important people about whether they can afford to travel to your destination wedding or whether it would be too burdensome. I wouldn’t let it stress you out at this point.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee

    You are under no obligation to, but I agree with @mrsSonthebeach  that is is lovely if you can offer it.

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    5243 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @ComputerLove06:  We are having 60 guests at our destiantion and since I’m not a millionaire there is now way I could pay for all those people to come! We understood that when having a destination wedding not everyone we invited would be able to make it because of finances or vacation time but we took the risk and were surprisd we go so many yes responses!

    Post # 8
    Member
    192 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    We did a semi-destination wedding in that we had our wedding where my parents/family live but my husband and I (and his family) came from other locations.  We did help pay for his mother’s flight and his little brother’s flight.  We also paid to rent a guest house for his family a few blocks from where my parents and grandparent live.  It was convenient and took some of the burden off of those traveling.  His little brothers are still in college, though, so we didn’t expect them to cover themselves – they have no money!

    If you can afford to help immediate family out on the travel or lodging costs, that’s great, but I don’t think it is expected or required.  If anything, they can be responsible for their own flights and maybe you can help out with lodging?  A good friend did a larger destination wedding and she put together a website with flight deals, recommended hotels with discounted pricing, etc.  She also gave a generous welcome bag to each guest and hosted a welcome dinner as a thank-you to everyone for traveling to her wedding. Those gestures were nice and much appreciated.

    Post # 9
    Member
    8325 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    We paid for all of our guests to attend our DW (accommodation, travel insurance, flights, tours and most meals). I had been saving for my wedding for a long time and when DH came along we started saving together towards our wedding.

    I just knew that a lot of our close friends and relatives wouldn’t be able to afford to attend our wedding without help and we didn’t want to compromise on either the location or the people. So we knew we would have to pay.

    I think it is a nice thing to do if you can afford it but you are not obligated to.

    But it is a good time to consider what is more important- the destionation or the people . If the people are the most important to you then you may need to reconsider a destination wedding if they wont be able to make it. If it is the destination then invite everyone and try not to be too upset when/if important people decline.

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