Post # 1
- Wedding: August 2015 - Alexander Homestead
I know I am a bit premature because I am still a Waiting Bee with still a SO and no FI but my SO and I have been doing a lot of engagement/wedding/marriage talk and the talks are getting much more detailed lately.
I was on such a happy high since he asked me for my ring size/ring preference last week and that was when I joined the Bee, joined The Knot, and completely drowned myself in as much proposal/engagement/wedding/marriage info I could get my hands on! Last night, however, we had a talk about the wedding (which we know we want to be a destination wedding) and he mentioned how he liked the way his sister’s EX-husband did it when they married. He paid for the flight and hotel for ALL of her immediate family and he walked away from the wedding thinking what a “classy” gesture that was. I am not sure what he did for a living but I had the impression he was “of means” and he definitely earned a six-figure salary. I also think part of that was trying to impress his bride-to-be’s family in the process.
I reminded SO that part of the reason we decided on a destination wedding was EXPENSE! and he is the youngest of 4 siblings! Plus two of the siblings are married so how could we justify paying for just the sibling and not their spouse? *FRUSTRATED SIGH* I REFUSE to get in debt trying to impress his family with a destination wedding, and I told him that if he wanted to do all that, as expensive as that would be we might as well stay in town and have a big wedding at home and up the guest list! Because there is no way we could pay flight and hotel for almost 12 people and not come out spending more than the we did for the wedding overall!
He said I raised some valid points and that it was far enough in the future that he had time to give it more thought but to be honest with you, it really deflated my excitement with the whole wedding planning process overall. Im actually relieved that we arent even engaged yet so that I can enjoy being unattached and unconcerned with anything other than my job and my life and my dog, and my life. . . I dunno, I’m probably just upset right now, so excuse my vent/rant on a beautiful Sunday, Bees. Just had to share with someone who I know can understand.
A penny for your thoughts . . .
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
You are by no means obligated to pay for their lodging or flights, but it is lovely if you can. If you were to decide to do one, but not the other, I’d pay for lodging (or some of it… like maybe the evening before and of the actual wedding and additional nights are up to them). I would not want to be any part of helping other people arrange their flights. Plus, you don’t want to get screwed over because they don’t want to take the cheapeat flight option.
Post # 4
It’s a very generous gesture for someone who has the means, but that would be out of reach for most people and you can’t feel bad if that’s the case. I had a little guilt about having a destination wedding early on (even though we don’t live anywhere near any of our family so most of our guests would have had to travel a similar distance even if we’d had the wedding at home), and in the early stages of planning I had this notion that I would try to pay for all my guests’ hotel rooms for two nights. But once I started to add up all the costs of the wedding, that notion pretty quickly fizzled out. And I realized that I would be heaping an ENORMOUS cost on myself in order to save each guest a non-negligible, but manageable cost. If we didn’t have a budget to stick to I would have done it, but like the vast majority of people that wasn’t the case for us.
Your SO is still in that stage (like I was) where you all haven’t sat down and crunched numbers yet. It’s all theoretical. I suspect his ideas will change once he puts dollars and cents to the idea. Or his desire to do this (even though it’s not financially feasible) may be an expression of unease about the idea of a destination wedding, in which case you’ll have to sort that out. Part of that will probably include sitting down and talking to the important people about whether they can afford to travel to your destination wedding or whether it would be too burdensome. I wouldn’t let it stress you out at this point.
Post # 5
You are under no obligation to, but I agree with @mrsSonthebeach that is is lovely if you can offer it.
Post # 6
@ComputerLove06: We are having 60 guests at our destiantion and since I’m not a millionaire there is now way I could pay for all those people to come! We understood that when having a destination wedding not everyone we invited would be able to make it because of finances or vacation time but we took the risk and were surprisd we go so many yes responses!
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2015 - Alexander Homestead
@sweetchiquita12: Yes I have a feeling we may be in the same boat where were are shocked at just how many YES’s we receive!
SO seemed to really want to make it possible for his immediate family to attend if we did a destination wedding so *BREAKING NEWS* Destination Wedding is now off the table for now and SO suggested I do research and look into doing a local wedding instead! That changes up the game completely now and although I am starting from the drawing board, I am pleased with knowing with this option, he is fine with everyone being responsible for their own transportation and we can more easily assist with accomodations. I’ll admit, I was a tiny bit sad that I couldn’t create the OH SO CUTE Passport invitations that I discovered from a fellow Bee ( http://diy.weddingbee.com/topic/vanessas-diy-destination-wedding-passport-invites-038-rsvp-boarding-passes ) but I’ll live.
Thanks so much, ladies for all of your help and input!
Post # 8
We did a semi-destination wedding in that we had our wedding where my parents/family live but my husband and I (and his family) came from other locations. We did help pay for his mother’s flight and his little brother’s flight. We also paid to rent a guest house for his family a few blocks from where my parents and grandparent live. It was convenient and took some of the burden off of those traveling. His little brothers are still in college, though, so we didn’t expect them to cover themselves – they have no money!
If you can afford to help immediate family out on the travel or lodging costs, that’s great, but I don’t think it is expected or required. If anything, they can be responsible for their own flights and maybe you can help out with lodging? A good friend did a larger destination wedding and she put together a website with flight deals, recommended hotels with discounted pricing, etc. She also gave a generous welcome bag to each guest and hosted a welcome dinner as a thank-you to everyone for traveling to her wedding. Those gestures were nice and much appreciated.
Post # 9
We paid for all of our guests to attend our DW (accommodation, travel insurance, flights, tours and most meals). I had been saving for my wedding for a long time and when DH came along we started saving together towards our wedding.
I just knew that a lot of our close friends and relatives wouldn’t be able to afford to attend our wedding without help and we didn’t want to compromise on either the location or the people. So we knew we would have to pay.
I think it is a nice thing to do if you can afford it but you are not obligated to.
But it is a good time to consider what is more important- the destionation or the people . If the people are the most important to you then you may need to reconsider a destination wedding if they wont be able to make it. If it is the destination then invite everyone and try not to be too upset when/if important people decline.