Weddingbee Boards
Well, honestly, this is your wedding and you cannot assume that other people will be as excited about it as you are.
It wasn't wise of you to book things without having the money from your family and friends. Also it's a little selfish to expect a cheap wedding by pinning the expenses of a packaged deal on your family. Bottom line is you can't expect anyone to foot the bill in your wedding, especially a destination wedding, which can be seen as a huge hassle to some people.
Honestly I think you need to find a way to either make things a bit cheaper for your guests (even if that means you and your FI have to pay a bit more) or settle for a small, at home wedding and cut your losses.
Sorry that you are going through such an ordeal :(
I'm not expecting anyone to foot the bill for our wedding at all. I asked them to go with us to celebrate with us. All that they are paying for is travel and bording... That's all. And that's something that every wedding guest has to pay for at any wedding. Weather it's at home, or in another country. $1500 is not much for a 5 night get away anywhere... I can't go skiing in Colorado for 4 nights for that much... let alone out of the country for that much.
I'm not complaining that no one is paying for anything, I'm complaining that everyone that said they'd go, and said they would be giving money, has backed out, after accomidations were made. I had to pay extra for the wedding planner because there were more than 2 guests. Now there are only two guests, but I can't get my money back on that.
Weddings are hard to plan and especially destination weddings... You can never really count on anyone to come.... really...
I am invited to a destination wedding at the end of the year and Im not sure if I can foot the bill to attend. It all adds up - the flights, hotel, food, gifts, attire, things at home if you need a baby sitter or in my case I would need to board my pets. It get pricey fast.
I think you should talk the Villa managers and see if there are any alternative options for a cheaper place. Maybe a smaller Villa at the same place or just see what they can do for you.
Maybe a smaller place since less people are coming would cut the bill down.
I understand that it is cheap for a getaway, but in this economy a lot of people aren't going on vacations. Honestly, people don't think of it as a trip. Bottom line is: it's a wedding.
I was not trying to be rude, but often time destination packages do put a lot of financial responsibilty on the guests. I've seen package deals where the whole wedding and accomodations for the couple is free if they bring enough guests, and I think that's tacky and wrong. If you are not in that category, I apologize for assuming, but you did say " it came up to less than $1200.00 per couple. (except us of course)." I assumed that that meant it was cheaper for you, but I understand you mean it is more expensive for you.
Again I'm sorry you have to be in such a predicament.
Well... this is a tough situation. How important is it for you to have your wedding in Jamaica? You said you were thinking about doing it in your hometown but couldn't pull off what you wanted... and now you've put deposits down for this destination wedding. Yikes, like others have said, maybe you need to see if you can work out a cheaper price. You could also just look at this is more of an elopement then a destination wedding!! That could be fun, and then you can have a party with the rest of the folks who couldn't make it when you get back. Take some deep breaths, it's all going to work out the way that it is supposed to. I've found when this wedding planning stuff gets crazy, it's easiest to take the path of least resistance. I hope that it all works out for you, hang in there!
*sigh* when it comes to money, travel plans, bookings and friends - i would rather herd kittens
you poor thing - you took alot on when people orginally said they will come but unfortunately you learnt the hard way and thats to get deposits of people before making bookings. personally im a believer in telling people where and when and let them make their own plans because ive seen this sort of thing (dropouts) happen way too much and the organizer goes nuts in the meantime
yes, if someone says they are going to do something (like accept a invite like yours) they should follow thru but sadly these days good manners are becoming less and less
i have no advise but just wanted to say i understand where youre coming from and i hope you can sort out a better alternative
goodluck
Renting villas are tough, for exactly the reasons you mentioned! Sorry to hear you're going through this - it is frustrating.
Is the villa booked? Is it too late to cancel the villa & hold the wedding at a small, intimate resort? I know there are a few gorgeous, small hotels in Negril - I can't think of them right now, but I'll get back to you. One of the Bees was married at Rockhouse & it was stunning!
Nick, I just wanted to say I understand completely where you are coming from. I'm also having a destination wedding in Colorado. I offered to arrange housing and transportation to the airport for all of our guests, but instead of people taking us up on the offer, they add up the cost of everything (flight, rental car and hotel) and throw some number at me about how much my wedding is costing them to make me feel guilty, then they eventually drop out all together anyway because they can't afford it. It's like you knew the thing was in Colorado when I invited you, and you knew what it would cost. No one lost their jobs, but still I lost two bridesmaids and countless guests. I'm so grateful my parents were even able to make it at this point (the grooms family is from CO).
I'm so fed up with people not following through on what they say they are going to do, especially like what you described. I can't however, really blame the grooms parents who lost their jobs. There are some excuses that you just have to accept.
That being said, I think you have to weigh what is more important to you at this point, having your family there, or having a stunning wedding. Even if you lose your deposits for Jamaica, you can have your local wedding on almost any budget. Like you said, it won't be the wedding of your dreams, but everyone you know and love will be there. So I guess it's take your pick.
I just want to add that I'm so sorry this happened to you. And no worries, I'm right there with you! HIVE HUGS!!!
I am also planning on having my wedding in another country, and it will be a "destination wedding" for all of my friends who live here in the US. While I am really hoping that everyone will be able to come, I definitely am not expecting it; in fact, I feel guilty that it may be so expensive for people to attend. For this reason, I am not having bridesmaids so no one feels obligated to come, and I am having a more informal cocktail party when we get back so that everyone who couldn't make it can celebrate with us later.
It's no secret that although destination weddings are less expensive for the bride and groom, they are much more expensive for the guests to attend. I think all of us destination brides should keep this in mind and not take it personally when guests can't come. However, it sucks that all of your loved ones told you they were coming and then backed out! It's probably difficult for guests to turn down the invite when they first get it, since the date may seem far away and they are excited about the wedding so don't really consider the costs, but as it gets closer reality sets in ... I guess what I am saying is that we shouldn't make expectations about how much people can afford to pay to come to our weddings - other people's finances are their business - but once people say they are coming they need to hold to it!
I just wanted to add that me and my Fiance also just recently decided to do destination...mainly b/c we are paying for EVERYthing ourselves. We originally had a church booked and a Wedding date set, but we couldnt find a caterer cheaper than $3000 for our reception, let alone having to pay for a Rehearsal dinner, decorations, and $1000 alone for a 20 minute ceremony in the church. My fiance came home one day and said 'let's just go get married somewhere.' At first I said no, but then researched and asked previous destination brides/friends to see if it could work financially. Indeed it has/is! Now that we are breaking up the traditional aspect of our Wedding day, we now feel comfortable not providing a dinner at our Home Reception...we will still have all the normal reception stuff, even snacks and Wedding cake, but no dinner. That alone saved us $3000 + 20% of what would be added to that bill just for using the reception halls kitchen!
Before booking anything, we told our parents and they seemed happy for us. However, as i mentioned before...neither of our parents have money--or i should say are in great debt, so they werent able to help us with anything to begin with. We knew they'd have trouble paying for this trip but we knew with enough time to plan, they'd be able to come. Since we broke the news, my Fiance's family has been nothing but drama. THEY want us to be married here so they can see their cousin/nephew get married. However, we refuse to put ourselves in debt for ONE day since we are paying for this ourselves. Why cant they just accept/understand that unconditionally? I know it's a special day but we are ok with just saying our vows to eachother in front of our parents and that's it. Supposedly everyone is on board with supporting us now, even knowing most of them cant make it, but it's been one thing after the other since then. Now my fiance's grandmother isnt coming, even when one of her son's was going to pay for her to go--and i mean pay for EVERYthing. Her excuses are crappy for not going and i know my fiance is hurt, but we now have already booked this and are dead set doing it this way. I just feel like now our "day" is not going to be as happy or special b/c my fiance will be missing his grandma, or any others who we know cant come (and are making us feel guilty for it). Is anyone else dealing with this, or do we just have dramatic families??
Since when did planning OUR Wedding, become planning EVERYone else's ideal Wedding for us?? I think I've cried every other day dealing with the family drama and Destination. It's neverending!! I really just want to tell anyone else who complains about this to 'F' off!! :-)
*sigh~* My heart goes out to you! I'm in the process of planning a dW and this is my nightmare!
I think you asked the most important question in the end: How do you go back to "wanting" to have your wedding? Well, I hope you don't need to look further than the man who will be standing next to you at the wedding.
It's about you and him coming together in union. Hope that helps you to breathe deep and if I were you, IMHO, I'll start doing the math.
Not only how much $ will be lost but saved from further loss if you were to go ahead and made your DW smaller - heck, you only need the two of ya and your parents as witnesses!
How important is it to have all the rest of ppl? Can you just throw a small, casual reception (park picnic?) when you get back?
It really is terrible that people said they will come and backed out. For this very reason, I'm keeping the initial budget/count much less and will be having our guests put up the deposit and etc. themselve (hopefully they will deal with the resort directly). I was shying away from renting Villas only because I thought it'd be more complicated to negotiate than a AI resort that has a wedding package...and I think you helped me to seal the decision...no Villas...
*hugs and lots more hugs* Hope venting on this site helped a bit and sending you many good thoughts. Hope it'll all work out great in the end. Just remember - you have the man of your dreams!
We had our destination wedding just as the economy tanked. Alot of our guests backed out. We understood. Many of our friends have lost jobs and the ones that are still working are having a difficult. It's a bad time for everyone. While we were sad that the plans changes we of course understood. We worked out a deal with the hotel that helped a bit. Perhaps you can do the same. We thought of it as a honeymoon with family& friends and then had a party when we got back. It was fun wearing my dress a second time.
I really do feel for you. We went through the same thing. There is nothing you can do about it so just go with the situation and enjoy yourself. I agree with the above, what is most important is the two of you - you don't need anyone else.
Hello ya'll. I just wanted to say thanks for all of your honest opinions, words of wisdom, and ideas.
As for my stupidity (and thats me calling myself that) on booking the villa and stuff w/o getting deposits first, yes I understand I was an idiot... However, I had good reason. All of those that had said they were going, were our parents and IMMEDIATE family and my best friend of 19 years. How do you not trust your parents or bothers and sisters? I apparently am more nieve than I thought and have officially gotten duped.
My best friend swore to me that she would be with me anywhere I was on my wedding day. And when she helped to talk me into a destination wedding, even said she'd be with me then. I think where I'm hurt the most is that she is the one not going. I understand, times are hard, life isn't cheap. But I worked, and worked at getting the best prices for everyone.
@carri38707 Don't count the villa's out just yet. Do all of your homework. The villa I found has been cheaper all the way around from a resort. I looked at every resort on the island of Jamacia... EVERY. This villa had the best bang for it's buck, even though I still had to find and pay for a wedding coordinator as well. Even with people backing out, the villa is still our best option. (just wish I could get some of my overpayment back) and while my wedding I have planned in Jamaica can't get any smaller (no decorations, no reception, no anything special) I'm still happy with our decision to go away and do it. THANK YOU for reminding me why I "want" to get married!
@NurseT0409 You and I have to be sisters... your predicament is after my own heart. Everything you just described is our wedding to a 't'. I'm hoping all goes well, and people realize that we're doing this for us, not them.
@EngagedToPanda While I can't have a "stunning" wedding at all now, I'm still going to go with our destination wedding... I think the most important part of me having it, is because that's what "he" wanted. I know that sounds silly, but as most of us know, the guys never really get much of what they want when it does come to the wedding... this is my... lets say "sacrafice" to him. This is my gift to him. And I'm so happy I am.
@quiche Yes, the villa has already been booked, and a deposit made. While $550 isn't a bunch of money, it is a bunch when it comes to how small out budget is from the beginning.
@northernazbride As for a party when we get back, that's something that pretty much wont happen. One, I can't afford it, Two, we're from such a small place, that people think that it's rude to "throw a party for yourself"... even if it is a wedding reception. I just threw one for a friend of mine, and alot of people didn't come, or thought it was tacky. "They should have gotten married here, if they wanted us to celebrate with them." So, I just don't feel like that would be a great idea, and more so a waste of money. More than likely, we'd end up spending way too much on food/drink and etc. Now, If I lived in a large town/city (where people had manners) I'd be all about it... I'd even run up my credit card,just to be able to enjoy that day with my nearest and dearest... people just don't do that here. :( (which totally bums me out!)
All in all, I think I'll say what most of you rprobably wanted to say... SUCK IT UP! :-D it's my wedding, I'll do it how I want, and I'll make the very best out of every bit of it.
Thanks again ladies... I really appreciate all that you have said. Now, if any of you have connetions in Jamaica, and can at least help me get cheap decorations, HELP A GIRL OUT! LOL. (J/K) Thanks again!
I feel AWFUL for you - I absolutely understand what you are going through. it seems as though you are someone who is honest and trusting and works very hard to make things possible for people who PROMISED you they would be there for you. I'm sure you've been there for them in the past when they needed you.
Unfortunately, most of them probably could come, they just don't want to. That's what I've realized - some people like the idea of things but when it comes down to it, they are selfish and forget their promises and commitments.
It's a learning experience - one to remember the next time one of them wants or needs something. Yes, $600 is a lot of money but from the way it sounds, other than your inlaws, people could afford it. It's a freakin' DEAL for 5 nights plus air in Jamaica - $120 a day? Are you kidding me? People spend that much on a night out. I spent $2000 on a wedding last year when I was the Maid of Honor and the bride didn't even put aside time at the reception for me to give the speech I spent months preparing.
People are selfish and inconsiderate. Cut your losses, lose the deposits, and take any money you have left and the two of you go somewhere fabulous and elope ALONE. It's the marriage that's important, not giving someone's aunt the chance to dance the YMCA and eat free food.
I'm also having a destination wedidng,and while I want everyone to be there, I am not upset at those who initialy said they would be there and later backed out, like H2B's parents family. We planned the wedding WE wanted with money WE had. You can't be upset because people's plans change, especially they way things are right now. You said 550 was alot for you, imagine 1200. While I understand your upset because they initially agreed, then backed out, you have to keep in mind its your wedding and you have to expect some people not to attend, it happens. Sorry, hope it works out for you.
mmmm what a mess!
We booked our destination wedding in Jamaica over a year ago, signed contract with the resort etc. In June they called the travel agent to say "we are not able to honor our commitment to the _____ / ______ wedding party; We can re-schedule or re-locate or refund your money" Hello???? Excuse me??? STD's sent, $$$$$$ Invitations on the dining room table? Can you say signed contract??? Frustration is an understatement... so, I go to plan B and try to go with the flow. We opted to re-locate from Negril to another beach, but it is a bummer... my plan was for sunset ceremony, and now we will not see the sun set due to the North facing beach. but here is the bottom line; It's not cancer, it's going to be fine. At the end of the day, you get to marry the person you are crazy about, and want to spend your life with. Being together is more important... MOH/BM whatever other friends and family that will miss it... think of it as their loss, not yours.
mmmm what a mess!
We booked our destination wedding in Jamaica over a year ago, signed contract with the resort etc. In June they called the travel agent to say "we are not able to honor our commitment to the _____ / ______ wedding party; We can re-schedule or re-locate or refund your money" Hello???? Excuse me??? STD's sent, $$$$$$ Invitations on the dining room table? Can you say signed contract??? Frustration is an understatement... so, I go to plan B and try to go with the flow. We opted to re-locate from Negril to another beach, but it is a bummer... my plan was for sunset ceremony, and now we will not see the sun set due to the North facing beach. but here is the bottom line; It's not cancer, it's going to be fine. At the end of the day, you get to marry the person you are crazy about, and want to spend your life with. Being together is more important... MOH/BM whatever other friends and family that will miss it... think of it as their loss, not yours.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Fertile Thoughts Infertility Support |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| KMSull | 96 |
| MissAsB | 74 |
| pmerr | 61 |
| crebre80 | 47 |
| amanda.lynn | 44 |
| Jessie516 | 34 |
| LatteLove | 32 |
| PurdueGrace | 30 |
| daydreamwanderer | 30 |
| eryepye | 30 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| PurdueGrace | 1 |
| michellehuang84 | 1 |
Okay, so I'm getting married 9/19/09 in Negril, Jamaica. My FI and I were going to have a ceremony in our hometown, in my family's front lawn, but I just couldn't pull off what I wanted, and have any money for my dress. So, since he has always wanted to get married on the beach, I gave in and said, "We're going to Jamaica".
That being said, I searched, and searched for a cheap (but lovely) place to stay, wed, and honeymoon and vinally found a wonderful villa where the beaches and cliffs meet. This was well affordable, as is our wedding planner, Isabelle. Origionally, when this all started, his parents (both sets), my parents, and my MatronOH and MaidOH would be attending... Since then, both of his parents have lost their jobs, and my Matron has decided she doesn't want to go because she doesn't want to go out of the country. And my Maid doesn't want to go because she doesn't want to spend any money on me. (Not a very good Maid, huh)
The villa I had found has more than enough room for everyone, and the more people that go, the cheaper it gets. To make things even better, it has a staff that will cook/clean/shop, etc. and a person can eat for less than $30.00 per day. I worked up a budget for everyone for 5 nights, including airfar, and it came up to less than $1200.00 per couple. (except us of course)... Everyone jumped at the opportunity to go, but since, everyone but my parents have backed out.
My problem is this, now that everyone has backed out, I can't afford to have the wedding anymore! It's put me completly over budget, and everything has already had deposits made! The only thing that hadn't been purchased (and still hasn't) is the flights because no one would pay for anything, or get me any money. Now my flights have gone up, my cost for the villa has gone up, and no one will be there to share in our special day.
I understand times are hard right now. I understand people have their own lives, and it's their money. But when you say you're going to do something, (especially like this) do it. I can't even afford shoes, or jewelery, or decorations at the wedding now! HECK! I can't even afford food to eat while where there now, because I'm having to suck up their costs!
Do I have a right to be upset? Is this just pre-wedding jitters? Am I just being selfish? I hate to bother any of you with thoughts on this, but thanks to this whole thing, I don't even feel like I can talk to any of these people about it. my Matron just keeps trying to talk me out of everything that I say I like, and still trying to talk me into moving the wedding back here. My Maid... well, she's just to self-centered to care about someone else's anything enless it involves her...
Where do I go from here? What do I do? More importantly, how do I get back to "Wanting" to actually have my wedding?!