Post # 1
My fiance and I decided to have a destination wedding in Mexico, 45 minutes from Cancun. Our wedding isn’t until October 2012, and we just sent out a very detailed letter to all of our guests that we hope to have. This includes family (even aunts, uncles and cousins) and a few close friends. 100 in all, but we are not expecting all to show. We sent the letter because my family originally thought that we weren’t serious. My parents finally gave in, but we are having a few more issues. One of my bridesmaids refuses to talk to me (why can’t she just say that she can’t go?), my grandparents are worried about leaving their dog for 3 days (I have to leave mine for 2 weeks) and my uncle won’t let my cousin miss school for one day, even though she’s also a bridesmaid. A lot of people are angry with me and saying that I am being selfish. We are helping to pay for anyone who can’t afford it, we asked that no one gets us gifts, and we have secured an awesome hotel rate at an all-inclusive resort. Plus, it’s my wedding day, right? Am I allowed to be a little bit selfish?
Post # 3
Im getting married October 2012 in Spain. I’ve always said i wanted to go away to get married, but my fiance’s mother still keep’s mentioning venues here that we could have! I’ve already had some of the same type of responses from uncles etc as you have. I dont understand why people cant say at this stage that they will try hard to come, and if nearer the time they really can’t then id be happy knowing they tried to make it happen! I wont be sending detailed information for a few months yet.
Post # 4
I’m getting married in Northern Ireland, flights alone are 1000 dollars from the USA, you’re def not selfish.
Post # 5
It is your wedding, I think you are entitled to be a bit selfish.
We’re also having our DW in Mexico. Just like you, we invited everyone as if we were having a wedding in the States. People will eventually get over it. Our family was pretty supportive about our descision, which was great. Everyone else can just deal. It’s not their wedding, it is yours. I will tell you that there will be people who you were sure would attend who won’t and those that you didn’t think could make it and do.
As for your bridesmaids. I’d let them know it is OK if they cannot attend but that you just have to know. This is one reason we waited to select our wedding party – we didn’t want anyone to feel they HAD to go. We waited to see who was coming and made selections from there.
Who is paying for the wedding? FI and I are paying for absolutely everything, so we think we’re entitled to whatever kind of wedding we want.
One other thing of note about our wedding: FI and I live in Missouri, where just about all of his family is located. All my family is in Connecticut. So either way one side of the family would have been forced to travel.
Post # 6
A relative of my FH is getting married 3 hours from where she lives. The grandparents are convinced that the relative doesn’t want them at her wedding, otherwise they would have had it closer to home. There’s always going to be people like this. Do what’s right for you. I think it should blow over once people get used to the idea.
Post # 7
Thanks! My family lives in Pittsburgh, and his lives in Philly. We live an hour from his family, so no matter what, people are going to have to travel. We are planning a reception in both cities about 2 and a half months after the wedding, so everyone will get to see me in the dress and watch our wedding video. I told all of my bridesmaids ahead of time what we were planning, so they hd a heads up. But I am going to tell the ones that aren’t coming that I still want them to help with DIY things, and everything else, as well as be a bridesmaid at the reception.
Oh, and we are paying for everything except the receptions back home, which our parents are covering. Our budget is only 8,000 and that includes the people we are paying for.
Post # 8
@futureMrsDonnelly: Its your wedding, of course you can be selfish. The family are the ones being inappropriately selfish by not talking to you and getting upset. We’ve already gone through the battle and convinced our closest family to go, unfortunately the guest list went from 30 to 15. Though I was let down, it is everyone’s own choice and everybody has an excuse. Regardless, I am beyond elated that my DW is over 3 weeks away. Wouldn’t have changed a thing! I hope you go with your heart – do what you and your fiance want to do.
Post # 9
OP – you are not being selfish as long as you don’t expect everyone to show up (including the younger BM you mentioned). If your BM’s dad won’t let her take off school for the wedding (I am assuming she is still in high school?), then you have to respect his wishes.
But (hopefully) as more people learn more about your destination, they will start to get more excited about the wedding! I have an aunt whom I never expected to entertain the idea of coming, and now I find out she is planning her “big 40 bash” in Key West the week before (she purposely scheduled it so she could do both her party and my wedding). And now she wants a “+2” for her two friends that are celebrating with her – go figure!
Post # 10
- Wedding: December 2010 - Al Cielo / La Laguna
@futureMrsDonnelly: You are not selfish at all! I think they are being selfish asking you to change your plans to accomadate them. We ran into the same thing but we keep saying over and over again “this is what we want” until it finally sank in that we were not changing anything. =)
Post # 11
I agree with the other ladies, you’re totally not being selfish at all. It’s a special day for you and your FI to celebrate your life together, end of story. Since it’s a year out people will have more than enough time to digest and plan.
When we first announced our destination wedding there were some friends and family that were less than thrilled. But after a little while, as it got closer to the date people began warming up to/getting excited about their upcoming vacation. Don’t worry, everything will work out 😉
Post # 12
I had the same problem. I heard ‘what a great idea!!” to my face and then someone else told me they were saying how selfish I was behind my back.
THIS IS YOUR WEDDING DAY….you are inviting people to join you because you love them and want them to share it with you, but the bottom line is…you are the one getting married. not them. If they are mad or disgruntled, or whatever, then you simply don’t want them there. You’ve given them plenty of opportunity to save the $$ etc etc.
Destination weddings will of course be a lot less people (my future brother in law was the one that said I was being selfish for this and that he disagreed with my fiance marrying me because obviously it was my doing to take the wedding away!). He said what a great idea to my face and then backed out last minute. His wife told me what he really thought…and you know what? Then I don’t want him there!
The people that are your true friends will understand why YOU want to go away (it is a lot less expensive that hosting and paying for 100 people – which is why we chose to take it away). We just couldn’t afford it.
This is your day. Don’t worry what other people say or think. It’s not their wedding!
Post # 13
You are not being selfish. I’m getting married in Mexico too, but not on the beach, and OH MY GOD the comments people make. You would think I am asking them to travel to Baghdad instead of one of the most beautiful cities in Mexico!
People will eventually get over it, and no matter what, once they are there, they are going to have an AMAZING time and all of those thoughts of you being selfish or this being expensive are going to fade away. It was really hard for me in the beginning but now that our wedding is closer people have stopped commenting on it being rude or selfish, though I’m sure the issue will arise again once we send out invitations.
It’s your wedding and ultimately it’s about you and your fiance and what makes you happiest. Don’t let others rain on your parade! 🙂