Weddingbee boards

Even way long before my FI and I got engaged, we have always envisioned ourselves getting married in Aruba. We've always expressed that fact to our parents and family, and they have always approved and were quite excited. But now that it's time for us to plan the wedding of our dreams, the only ones backing us up are my mother and my FI's mother. Our siblings are now saying they don't think it's a good idea and now say that they probably wont make it. I've always been extremely close to my sisters, and even though I may get the wedding of my dreams in Aruba, I wont be completely happy when I turn to the crowd after the ceremony and not see them there. Now I'm torn on doing a wedding that me and my FI always talked about, or doing a wedding that is convenient for others, but costly for us! A wedding in NJ is $25,000, a wedding in Aruba is $9,000 honeymoon included. I'm almost ripping my hair out! It's getting me so aggravated I just might elope. Any advice? 

Thanks for the suggestions. As for paying for my sisters vacation packages, that was something that we have considered and discussed, but they both went on about their jobs and taking time off, and it's still going to be difficult and inconvenient for them to fly out there because they have their own lives with their boyfriends and so forth. It's so hard! But it is my wedding, my own special day, maybe I am way too considerate about other people's convenience rather than my own happiness. Thanks all for the great advice!

Like everyone else said, what is more important family or location? I think it's a legitimate that people have jobs and responsibilities so I do think it's reasonable of your sisters to be sad that they can't go to your wedding. After all if you were paying it'd be a free vacation for them so I think them turning this down speaks to the difficulty of their situations. 

One way you can have both is to have a wedding at home and then down the line do a renewal ceremony in Aruba where having everyone in attendance is not as important.

I think a key part of it though is whether there is absolutely no way that your sisters can go to Aruba or that it is just an inconvenience. If it's just an inconvenience it's not fair for you to give up so much.  

I also don't understand why destination weddings are so much cheaper? Is it just because there are less guests? If that's the case then why not just not invite as many people. Or is it because of the low cost of living in other places? 

@Mrslongdistance:  I appreciate all that you're saying and you do have valid points, but my problem isn't so much between my location and family, my problem is where my happiness of this special day lies. I know indeed, for a fact, that my sisters make a very well salary enough to make it out for my special day, and I, which I'm still a full time student juggling with a lower paying job than them, still offer to pay for their trip. I don't get it. But that's not really why I'm upset. I'm more upset because in the beginning, before my engagement, they were all for Aruba, and now they suddenly don't want to go because their boyfriends don't want to go or because they have no more vacation days from work. The cash was never their issue. Now they're just like "Well if I can't go then I can't go, oh well" and I take those phrases as an "I don't care." So, should I care then?

As for DW being cheaper, I'm really not sure either. The package I got was for upto 30 people inclusive of food, music, photo and video, decorations, flowers and centerpieces, hair and makeup, all totalling $5500. But I guess with 60 or 90 people it would be just a little more. And I think that it's cheaper because most DW packages are all-inclusive. A wedding in the states costs way more because everything has to be booked separately like photog is $3000 and video is another $3000 and flowers are another $3000 and reception venue alone is about $10,000. Thats why I assume a DW is less expensive.

Thanks for your advice btw.

@icwhite:  I completely agree, I think DW's are just much more romantic, and they do have more of a "marriage" feel rather than a "hey we're married, lets party!" feel. I do love to attend big weddings, but for me, I just want something so intimate because it is just for us, it's our future lives, and I don't need anyone blaming my beautiful marriage for their 98 dollar piece of bland chicken. I want to feel what you felt. I want to feel just as wonderful with just us two, I'm sure you felt truly special, which is what I want. I'm just afraid that it might not happen because my sisters wont be there. Anyway, they never helped me in wedding planning nor have hey gone to any of my dress try-ons, so I dont know why I stress myself out about it as much as I do. Thanks so much for your advice!

I too am dealing with the same issues. My FI and I have decided to do a destination wedding in Mexico only to find out that 1 of my sisters may not be able to make it. My mother has already expressed to me that she would prefer for us to have the big, extravaggent and costly wedding in NY., She even offered to pay for half (which I;m not comfortable with). But if we only 30  real close family and friends, why shoud we spend THOUSANDS to have a big wedding in NY??? Just so we don't INSULT anyone by not giving them an invite (more unessacry stress on our marriage). So my FI and I strongly considering just "eloping" in Mexico. That way we can have our wedding and honeymoon at the same time.