Post # 1
So even though we told our family and friend that we were having a destination over a year and a half ago…ppl are acting as if we told then yesterday that we are getting married this June!!! Not to mention that ppl are calling us every 5mins to ask us for the information on the wedding ( hotels, travel agent etc.) when we sent out save the dates loaded with our wedding info and our website info that has all the details too!!!! I swear that was a waste of money!!! On top of that (the icing on the cake) my dad just took my two little sisters on a Disney cruise in December, which he proudly told me that he paid 10K for!!!!! So just last weekend while we were on the phone he mentioned to me that he may not be able to make it to my wedding because he may not be able to afford it. I said well didn’t you just spend 10K on a Cruise knowing that I was getting married in Jamaica he tried to tell me that he book the cruise before he knew I was getting married which is a lie because he booked the cruice in Sept and I was engaged in March!!!! At this point I don’t care who shows up!!! Its all about me and my Hubby to be!!!
Post # 3
@June232012: Destination weddings are tough. It can cause an amazing amount of stress and disappointment. Guests calling for the information again is the same annoyance that many non dw brides go through hunting down rsvp cards from their guests. It’s just the nature of the beast.
ETA: After I wrote this I realized it probably wasn’t helpful so I decided to write this after thought THOSE BASTARDS!!!! You’re father is certainly jerky if he doesn’t attend as well.
Post # 4
Post # 5
It’s pretty f’d up what your father did. Just make sure you stay true to yourself. This is your day!
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2012 - Zama Beach Club, Isla Mujeres, Mexico
@June232012: I totally feel you on this! We are getting married in 2 weeks and we had 4 people tell us they aren’t coming after all. We have been engaged for nearly 2 years and I gotta say I am a litle disappointed that some of my family didnt even make an effort to come.
Post # 7
I suggest that you write a mass email, apologizing for any confusion (even though you’ve done nothing wrong). Write out clear instructions. End the email by exclaiming that you understand that travel isn’t going to be possible for everyone and that you understand. Give them a deadline to book and your travel agents email address. Then let the cards fall as they may.
As for your father.. he’s gonna have to figure it out because that’s not cool at all.
Post # 8
Most of us destination brides are feeling the pain of having to organising and disappointment. But what can you do, we just gotta live with it. My mother a few months ago tried to give me that line too about not sure if she will have enough money, well I flipped out on her in a calm way. Then my 2 sisters flipped on her in a calm way as well and now she is fully on board, so we are all pretty much going through this situation one way or the other, but life will go on if he is not able to make it.
We just have to stick with the attitute that who ever makes it makes it! Everyone else can see pictures.
Post # 9
Ahhh, forget’em!! At the end of the day, its about you and your hubby-to-be.
Post # 10
I am going through a similar thing… I am planning a destination wedding in mexico and although our engagment will be a year and a half… we told our family and closest friends that if we do get married, to expect it to be a destination… now i’m only mildly disappointed in the amount of people whom actually booked… i’m extremely disappointed in the amount of family members on both sides who are acting like this is a huge surprise and a huge inconvience…
The biggest problem we are having is that we are getting NO responses… even from family. its been a month 2 months sice we sent out our save the dates and we are still waiting on a yes or no from over half of our guest list (of 120). This stuff was making me sick to my stomach and finally i just gave up on people. we send out 2 reminders and even have been calling people… that we just decided that if people dont book by the end of march, then we will be continuing on the planning without them, basically meaning that we will be ordering the food, chairs, welcome bags without them in mind… these guests can still book and join us for the week, however there will be no room for them at our ceremony and they will not benefit from anything wedding related. Fi and I have felt like we have given them enough time to book in and although we love these people SO much, its just not work my health or any strain it may cause on our relationship.
As far as family members spending money and then not “being able to afford it”… i’m in that boat too… my aunt knew about our wedding (has 2 daughters 16 and 18) then went out and bought both her daughters cars even though only one has her licence… and also says she cant take the time off work… only for me to find out a few weeks later that she booked the 3 of them to go to mexico in a few weeks… this broke my heart.
Basically what i am trying to say is that weddings are frusterating in themselves and now some of us have to go and throw in that its out of country in there… us as brides, must remember that its OUR day!!! i’ll say that again… it is YOUR day… not anybody elses… its always good to think about your guests but YOU come FIRST!
I read once on here that “you cant plan a wedding without pissing someone off”… Fi and I laughed because our family and friends were so awesome that they would realize we tried our best etc etc… but boy were we wrong, this statment has posed true for us.
Take a deep breath.
Again… this is YOUR day and dont forget it, dont let a non-attendee frusterate you… I hope you get throught his and have the best day ever!
And fellow bees, whoever is reading this, if anyone needs help or support or just to vent to someone who knows exactly what your going through, i’m always here>
Post # 11
I avoid this by making brochures and sending them out 6 month before the wedding. I sent save the dates a year and a half before but honestly people just forget or find it priority to remember as selfish as that sounds it’s true. Hardly anyone looks at my wedding web site more than once and everyone was thrilled I sent brochures of the information instead of them looking everything up themselves or having to go on my web page, find they own hotels, rates, and accommodations. You really have to cater to your guest (unfortunate) with a DW. The less they have to do themselves the more willing they are to go and not bug you to death. Still we get phone calls for details and his mother even waited till now to say she is going and the 65% off was gone and she cost us a few thousand more for procrastinating! (We paid for our parents to come because both our fathers are not with us anymore and our mothers are retired widows). All in all no matter what you do some are going to want their hand held and everything done for them.
Post # 12
Im sorry about what your father did. It’s one thing when someone truely cant afford it but he is oturight lying to you about when he booked the cruise.
I am going through something similar. My sister out right doesnt want to come so she was making all sorts of excuses included tripling the price of a plane ticket. I did everything I could to solve her objections such as even finding her airfare and when she got “cornered” where she didnt have any more excuses she just started a fight. She tells me money is the issue (even though like I said she is totally inflating the prices and wont listen to me when I correct her and can I add we are even paying for accomadations) but she travels all the time, and I mean more then one vacation a year. She is telling my mom that the date is the issue (even though that didnt come up once in the conversation I had with her) so now I have my own mother questioning my wedding date because “it doesnt work for my sister”. REALLY? I also gave everyone a year and a half notice and if they had planned for it when we told them about it, it shouldnt be a problem.
And I just want to say cuz I know we are going to get the “you chose the destination wedding you cant expect people to go” crowd, and I want to add that we all know that, but we also dont expect to be lied to. We understand if there is a real issue at hand but these people in these examples are just being disrespectful.
Post # 13
I hope your dad has figured out a way to be there for your wedding. Lying was a pretty butthead thing to do. One of my friends got married in October and her father refused to go because it was a whopping TWO HOURS away from his house. So she walked herself down the aisle. She still looked so happy, though! 🙂
Our wedding is a sort-of DW – it’s in our state, but about six hours away at the ocean. My family and friends are all on the other side of the country, and as far as I know only my mom and dad are coming over. My brother and his fiancee and sons aren’t coming, friends who promised they would come aren’t going to (after I moved the date to accommodate the school calendar), and other friends instead have booked a weeklong vacation at ANOTHER beach. Sooo, yeah. My feelings were hurt, but what can you do but forget about it and have a blast with the people who ARE able to show up? (And save a crazy amount of money with the smaller guest list!)
Post # 14
Well destination wedding is not that easy. If someone invited me to a destination wedding, I would have to watch for ticket prices and then hotels and other things. I would wait until it’s a little closer to the wedding to do to hope to get a very good deal. Also, I might call the wedding couple to confirm everything that it’s still the same place, the same time, etc.
Regarding your dad: no comment because I don’t know your relationship with your dad.
Post # 15
Here’s the thing, as much as it might hurt your feelings, it’s no one business how someone else spends their money. If someone wants to buy their kids a car or go on a $$$ trip instead of attend your DW, that’s their business. I know it sucks, but it is what it is. Not everyone likes to travel, or finds locations that we choose to be their ideal vacation spot.
My brother is getting ready to propose to his GF. They love Costa Rica and really want to have a DW there. Will I go? Absolutely, he’s my brother. BUT, it’s definitely not my idea of somewhere I would normally pay money to go to. They have a different idea of traveling than I do, and like to stay in more modest places, but I’ll suck it up and deal. That being said, our dad/stepmom would likely not attend. Stepmom will not travel out of the country. On top of that they won’t go anywhere that they can’t take their 3 dogs, because they refuse to get a dog sitter. I am shocked they’d miss their son’s wedding for 3 dogs but they’ve made it clear since *I* got engaged that they aren’t down with DW’s. If he choose to have one, that’s something he’ll have to be okay with.
Post # 16
@starfish0116: You’re being kind of rude–SHE is his kid as well, and if he can spend 10k on a cruise for THEM then he can spend 2-300 bucks on a ticket to go to his OTHER daughter’s wedding.
I could see you point if you were talking about an uncle or cousin
this is her dad
Not everyone likes to travel—well apparently he does, since he just went on a cruise, which I presume stopped in tropical locations like Jamaica
Your parents sound quite selfish as well—Costa Rica is perfectly safe and a GORGEOUS place–and if they rented a place on Homeaway or something they could certainly take their dogs–but at least they are putting it out there from the start, unline the OP’s father