Post # 1
So, I recently got engaged to the man of my dreams… and knew exactly what we wanted for the wedding. We’re both simple and don’t like large crowds… both love the beach.. and had already discussed multiple times how a destination wedding would fit both of us perfectly.
So, as soon as we got engaged, I started researching (okay… so maybe I started before that. haha). Picked a few islands… all in Caribbean, all safe, and not too far. The wedding would be a FRACTION of throwing one in the states… everything would be planned by the travel agent and the resort’s planner… it was PERFECT… or so I thought…
Everyone is on board for the wedding EXCEPT my fiance’s father. He is REFUSING to leave the country, saying he owns a business and needs to be available to take emergency calls at all times. When we try to explain how his phone will work at the island, he refuses to listen and keeps stating he’s not going. He apologizes – but doesn’t budge even slightly. His only compromise is that he will pay for an entire wedding in the US to make up for the extra costs.
What do I do??? I don’t want an expensive wedding – regardless of who is paying. The area I live in, it’s near impossible to have anything decent for under 30k. I REALLY REALLY can’t imagine having a wedding anywhere other than a tropical beach, surrounded by only my closest friends and family. The ENTIRE wedding would only be 15k – and that’s only if I was surrounded by tons of orchids and beautiful place settings. The fiance’s mom keeps saying it’s our day and to plan what WE want, but it’s hard. I know if I get married in my home state, I will just be thinking about the fact that it’s not the wedding I want. If we get married on an island, we risk making his father angry and not having him attend. If it was due to illness or financial concerns or any decent reason, I would have no problem giving up the wedding of my dreams. But is it wrong for me to be upset that his father (for no rational reason) is being stubborn and refusing to come? 🙁
Post # 3
Is he not willing to travel anywhere? Not sure where you live, but what if you went to Florida or California. Could still have a beach wedding but in the US?
Post # 4
I understand exactly how you feel! I’m planning a friend’s wedding and her mom doesn’t want to go. Honestly just like I told my friend, its your wedding…do what’s going to make you happy! Its all about what you and your man wants. Because in the long run, you don’t want to have any regrets…..I know we want to please everyone but sometimes it gets to the point where there is nothing you can do. Don’t sacrafice your dream wedding if you don’t have to….its a once in a lifetime opportunity for most of us….I’d say go with it hun! I hope your fiance’s father comes around but….. Plan that fabulous wedding with the man of your dreams in the Caribbean!!!! :o) I know it can be stressful!!! Trust me!! But go with your heart’s desire. Good luck hun and congrats to you. I hope it gets better for you!!
Post # 5
I was going to say the same thing as PuntaCanaBride… could you possibly plan a beach wedding in Florida, California, Hawaii? There are some beautiful beaches in the states. Or what about Puerto Rico? When my fiance and I went there, our phones worked great, no roaming charges, don’t need a passport, etc. The beaches were beautiful and I felt like we were in the Caribbean, but it’s a US territory so you can tell him it technically isn’t leaving the country.
What I’ve learned from wedding planning is, no matter what you do, someone will be annoyed by what you’ve decided to do, especially if you’re planning a destination wedding. It’s hard when family and friends aren’t supportive of it, but I think it happens to everyone. You’ve got to do what will make you and your fiance happy. I’m sure it’s really hard that it’s a parent who is being difficult, because at least for us, parents and siblings were pretty much the only people on our “people we must have at our wedding” list. I would try talking to him again, explaining how important it is for him to be a part of your day, but also explain that it isn’t really fair for him to dictate how your celebrate your day. See if he has a second in command at his business that could help him field calls, and assure him that he will have cell service. Hopefully he’ll come around, because I think he would always regret not attending his child’s wedding.
Post # 6
I got married in Hawaii last week, and I’d say including all the airfare, accommodations, reception dinner and ceremony, I spent under $10k (but I had a very small wedding – only 11 guests). It’s possible 🙂
Post # 7
Wow thats terrible Im sorry you are going through that. You should look into reosrts that offer 3 and 4 day stays, there are LOTS of them. You guys and all your guests could have a full week (or whatever length you want to stay) and the father in law can come on his own for the 3 or 4 days. If he cant find someone to watch the business for 3 days for his own sons wedding well then shame on him! I am also going away to Jamaica and we had a couple people that were upset with us (not that my grandma was upset but she is unable to travel I am very sad that she cant be at my wedding but a beach wedding is what we wanted and what we’d dreamed of and nothing or no one was going to stop us) you shouldt have to sacrifice your dream wedding because he’s not willing to travel, its very unfair of him to put you in that position. I hope maybe the 3 day thing works for him (maybe its just the typical week long vacation he has stuck in his head and thats what hes unwilling to compromise on) I hope you can all be happy and enjoy the big day!
Post # 8
My first thought was maybe theres another reason for refusing to go. Is he definitely not afraid of flying (or something similar) Is there a possibility that hes having financial issues – so either its difficult to pay for the ticket, or the business is in trouble so hes trying to keep it afloat. Under normal circumstances i can’t imagine anyone not able to leave a business for a few days?
To be honest i’d say it depends on your fiance – is it a dealbreaker for him to get married without his dad there
also if the father doesnt want to travel at all – i dont htink planning a beach wedding in US would help would it? as it would require travel?
Post # 9
Get married where YOU want. He’s using the business thing as an excuse – I own a business too, but there are ways of getting coverage if you need to be away for a few days. I’m getting married in the Bahamas in July and will be gone a week. I’ll find a person who can cover for me. No one is a slave to a business these days – the world is too connected by technology. If he really feels he can’t possibly be away, he can always come for a day and fly home. If you got married in country would he be answering his work phone at the wedding?!?
Post # 10
I tried looking into Florida since his parent’s have a vacation home in Naples, but the costs were much higher for both us and the guests. An all inclusive really looks like it’s the best way to keep it affordable for everyone. I don’t want my guests to have to pay $12 for every drink while they’re away or $20 for a hamburger… my fiance and I plan to cover a rehearsal/welcome dinner, the wedding, and an excursion. But after that, the guests really are on their own and I know destination weddings can already be a financial stressor before adding in every little extra.
His family has actually NEVER left the country. They certainly have the means to travel, but choose not to. His parents went to Hawaii once for their honeymoon and… HATED it. Who hates Hawaii?!?!?!?! His mom isn’t thrilled but keeps saying the day is all about me (old school mentality). She said that she would be there (with or without the father) as long as we didn’t choose “Mexico or Jamaica or something”.
I come from a family that LOVES to travel… my cousins and brother even asked me to take a week and meet them in Europe for some hiking next year. I’m not used to dealing with people who hate to travel. They’re Italian and don’t even ever want to go to Italy! They have well more than enough to travel anywhere they’d like, but they have no desire to go anywhere besides NJ or Florida.
I made the compromise of choosing places in the Caribbean knowing his mother would definitely not come if I chose something in a country she considers “poor” (Please.. don’t yell… it’s definitely not my opinion! I’m taking my best friend to Mexico next month for her bachelorette!). His parents just tend to be VERY paranoid, so I chose to look at Aruba, St Lucia, Antigua, Turks and Caicos, etc… since there are no social stigmas about safety, etc. At least none that she’s aware of 😉 lol.
I guess, I really just don’t want to compromise. I would be happy to if his father was ill or it was too big of a financial stress… but do I compromise even further by staying in the US just because he doesn’t want to go?
Post # 11
Im kind of in the same situation with my dad and father in law right now. They are cattle farmers and dont want to leave the farm during planiting season. (we are to get married the end of April next year in Cuba.) They say that theres too much going on the week that we picked. My dad has offered to host (and pay for) our wedding here in Canada on his farm. Me and my fiance have a baby girl and we had talked before getting engaged that a destination wedding was suited well for us, mostly due to finances. Anyways, I talked to my mom and she said that we should just plan our wedding to be the way that we want it. As much as he refuses and says at this point that he doesnt want to go to Cuba, he will be there. No parent in the right mind would ever miss their childs wedding over something so silly as business. There are some things in life that we only get one chance at. Make it what you want. If he doesnt come, then he doesnt deserve to share in this very special day with you and your fiance. Best of luck and I hope it gets better!
Post # 12
@ms.hannah-to-be: Thanks so much! As sorry as I am you’re going through the same stresses I am, it’s good to know someone else is in the same boat as me. I’m hoping that he warms to the idea – especially since we’re not looking to get married until February or March of 2014. I think I just need to get past the guilt factor of it all and make the decision that’s best for me and my fiance.
Aren’t destination weddings designed to be less stressful? LOL. I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for you! If you find anything that works in convincing them, please let me know! So far, I’ve called his cell phone carrier and found every option to ensure he’ll have phone service…. and had a looong conversation with his mom making sure to point out all the efforts I made to make it easier on my future father in law. That seemed to lighten his mood slightly, but I’ll keep working on it. 🙂
Post # 13
1) If your fiance is ok with out his father there, then problem solved.
2) Where in FL did you look? I’m planning a wedding for 60 in the Pensacola (Navarre) area for under $5000. And there is no DIY involved. Feel free to PM me for details. There are very few places where you will get charged $12 for a drink in FL (mainly Miami).
3) Have you considered a cruise ship wedding? These often leave from around the country and you can get married in the US before going on your honeymoon.