Destructive Sister – Not sure what to do about it

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t have any good advice for you, but I will be praying for both her and the child. 

Post # 4
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

This is such a hard situation but I think the absolute best thing you can do is let her know you are there, that this is not okay, that you know people that can help her when shes ready (the resource center), and try you hardest to put her past trangressions aside and just focus on being there for her. I am so sad there is a baby in this situation 🙁 I think that calling CPS should only be done if you know something bad is going down and the child can be removed into your care or your parents because if nothing comes out of it it may cause more tension. Oy vey. I am so sorry you and your family are dealing with this. 

Post # 5
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

I don’t think there’s much you can do, sadly. CPS may be able to help the daughter, but that is not guaranteed unless they find something really obvious.

I hope this turns out well. 

Post # 6
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I know it’s not what you want to hear, but you can’t save someone from themselves.  You could throw her in your car, drag her home and lock her in, and nothing will change.  It’s no different than addiction – until the person WANTS change, no one around them can force it upon them.  All you can do is let her know you’re there for her, and you’ll come get her any time, day or night – no questions asked.  IF she chooses to get out, she’ll know she has options.  If not, she made her choice.

Post # 7
Member
279 posts
Helper bee

I’m so sorry, what a painful situation. Let your sister know you’re there if the she needs you, definitely. But my biggest concern would be the baby. Please make sure she knows that you are willing to take the baby anytime she needs- if she needs a night off (even if she spends it with him), if she needs to go shopping, or for ANY reason. Make her feel safe leaving the child with you.

Your sister is an adult who makes her own decisions for herself. But hopefully she would know enough to be abole to get that baby out of the home and to you if she was afraid something would happen. I think that as the girl grows, she will also need someone to model responsible behavior and relationships. In fact, creating a relationship with the girl herself can go a long way towards keeping her safe.

Post # 8
Member
23 posts
Newbee

I have a toxic sister and I’ve cut her from my life. If she wants to finally stop and help herself then I’ll be there to help her pick up the pieces, but until then, I’m done.

Post # 9
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

This is an incredibly heartbreaking situation for sure. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you to be watching it all happen from a distance, knowing just how crappy a situation it is for your sister.

This is just one of those relationships that will have to play itself out. There are lessons here that your sister has to learn on her own. She won’t leave him no matter what anyone says. She needs to make her own mistakes and eventually come to the conclusion on her own that her boyfriend is bad, bad bad bad news. I do for sure hope she stays safe and that he doesn’t do anything to hurt her. It’s obvious that he’s a controlling piece of crap and your sister has VERY low self esteem. I hope she comes to her senses sooner rather than later.

Post # 10
Member
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Concerned_Sister:  I have worked with battered women and also the local YWCA shelter. What I can tell you is to remain an outlet to her no matter how hard that is to do. When a woman finally makes that commitment to leave, she will turn to those she thinks she can trust the most, so keeping communication open is vital. Unfortunately dear, there isn’t a whole lot that you can do. I think that she should be made aware of these resources if she doesn’t already know. 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) is the national hotline and they can always get her in touch with local resources.

These women can be frustrating and to the average person we may think they are absolutely stupid but when a woman is caught up in a vicious cycle of what we call “power and control” it can be a tough cycle to break.

I hope things get better for not just your sister, but for you and your family. I have been through a similar situation so I know how incredibly scary and tough this is. Sending my best wishes your way.

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