Post # 1
Hello all-if you have any positive advice I could really use some!
My Sister got engaged in March 2008 and my engagement followed in July 2008. Now, I am very happy that my FI proposed when he did AND that my Sister is engaged as well. Her wedding is in July 2009 and my FI didn’t want to make our engagement too long (because we moved in together the end of October 2008 because we lived 15 hours apart) or too close to her wedding so we having ours January 2010.
Here is my debacle. I feel that my sister doesn’t really care a ton I am getting married. Now, I feel that she my resent the fact that I got engaged so close to her, but I couldn’t help when my FI chose to propose, and I definitely don’t think that he should have had to check with her or anything. I know that she is happy for me to a certain point but doesn’t really want a ton to do with my wedding or even hear about it.
I went to go look at wedding dresses (and chose one too!) but she came and was looking at veils and bridesmaids dresses for her wedding. Now, when she went to go and pick her wedding dress, I wasn’t there looking anything for mine! I wouldn’t have dared to do that! But she did, and I was really really hurt. Another time, I went to go and look at venues and she didn’t want to come along and really didn’t give a reason.
I feel like i have done a lot to try and not to step on her toes-have my wedding far enough away, even have it in a different city then where we grew up to make it different!
What should I do-should i feel like this? Should I talk to her about how i feel? Or should I just buck up and deal with it?
Post # 3
Wow, I have the exact same story, except it’s my fiance and his brother that are getting married within 3 months of each other! I feel like our wedding is constantly being compared to his brother’s. All of us are in each others’ bridal parties. We went shopping for BM dresses for my wedding, and my future sister-in-law starting trying on wedding dresses! Did I mentioned she’s already bought one?!
Anyway, I’m not sure how to approach the situation either. Although we’re not sisters (so I’m sure it’s even harder for you!), it still is putting a strain on our relationships with each other. Good luck, and let us know what you do! 🙂
Post # 4
Have you always been close? Has she always been competitive? Maybe if you point out that you want to collaborate, not compete, then she will realize what she is doing? It will be hard to keep the seperation between your weddings during shopping trips or vendor visits, so maybe ask a different relative to go with you if you are concerned that she won’t be focused on you (if that is what you need her to be). Good luck!
Post # 5
My fiance’s sister got engaged a week before we did and immediately everyone started comparing the two weddings. Since they got engaged first we let them choose dates before we did to avoid being too close together, like you did. We have wildly different tastes so I don’t think they should turn out too similar, but I am being careful not to ‘steal’ any of her ideas. I think that’s the most important thing – make sure to make it your own. Remember, even if your weddings were years apart people would compare the two, so just focus on making your day unique and fabulous.
Maybe if your sister starts shopping for her stuff during your time, let her know how you feel and suggest that the two of you could go bridesmaid dress shopping together another time.
Post # 6
I am in a similar situation, my sister got engaged in March 2008 and I got engaged in October 2008. She is doing an October 09 wedding and mine will be October 2010. She is doing a wedding close to home and mine will be a destination wedding. Both will be extremely different.
I think it is tough because you both probably want to be there and supportive of each other. I am guilty of talking baout my wedding when hers gets brought up. I can’t help it, I feel bad, but she says she doesn’t mind. I think it is natural to talk about both when you are both going through something so important and big.
I do think it is sad that she didn’t help you out when you need her, that is something my sister and I still do no matter what. We constantly share ideas and help each other out. Depending on your relationship, you may want to talk about things if they are really bothering you.
Post # 7
thanks ladies-this opens my eyes a bit. My sister and i are not necessarily competitive, but there has always been a little jealousy between us, like most sisters have. I don’t think she wants to collaborate on anything-she doesn’t want the weddings to be similar, which will not be too hard-her’s is in the summer, mine winter, she likes flowers everywhere, I am hardly doing any… that type of thing. I love the advice thanks!!!
Post # 8
I think you should just be frank with her and tell her what you are feeling- she IS your sister after all.
and maybe your solution should be that when you make appointments for things, if it is her appointment you first do her stuff and then browse, TOGETHER, for you… and if it is your appointment or trip (like your example above) you first look at your stuff and then browse for her.
it is only natural to want to look at some stuff for yourself when in a store… think about when you go to help a friend buy shoes… you might look at a pair yourself as well right? so maybe the solution is to just embrace it- but focus on that person first and then move on to browsing around?