Post # 1
Some of you have been supporting me through my little sister running off with her abusive boyfriend. Thank you. The background of the story is here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/where-art-thou-oh-maid-of-honor
We tracked down where she is living and my dad drove from Florida to Alabama to find her (she has been gone six weeks). He found her and was able to talk to her for over an hour. But…he found out she married her abusive boyfriend a month ago at a courthouse in Alabama.
Needless to say, we are all shocked/stunned/devastated. How could she get married and not tell any of us?? There are four daughters in my family and we have always been very close. She doesn’t want anything to do with us though…he has manipulated her into thinking she is better off without us. I am crushed. And it certainly puts a damper on all the wedding thoughts. I feel like she got cheated out of all that by a complete…jerk. (Trust me, there are a lot worse things I would like to call him).
I don’t know how to accept him as my brother-in-law. The thought itself makes me sick. Any encouragement would be very much appreciated. Thank you.
Post # 3
Well, there’s nothing you can do about it right now. Just suck it up and be a great sister. She needs that right now. Telling her she made a mistake or making her feel bad will only push her away. Tell her that you are happy for her and want to be involved in her life. You want to be that sister.. so when things go bad, she’ll also come to you – thick and thin, you want her to know that she can depend on you. GL!
Post # 4
I am so sorry!! This is not the happy ending we all wished for you.
It sounds like there isn’t a lot you can do for her. Keep being supportive and interested in her life, listen to her and let her know how important it is for her to be in your wedding. I think you’ll have to temporarily tolerate her husband in order to stay in touch with her.
Post # 5
Oh, that’s so sad. I’m so sorry this part of the story didn’t end better, but it’s not over yet. Keep the lines of communication with her as open as you can; speaking as somebody who once had a very controlling boyfriend, I can say it was very isolating. Having somebody I could turn to was really important to my eventually getting him out of my life.
Post # 6
I’m so sorry for your situation. My sister is also with someone who I also cannot stomach. She married him a couple months before my wedding at our local courthouse, as well. She also had a son, last month, so my family tolerates the guy because of it all, but we don’t talk because her guy just disgusts me (it’s a long story for why this is). We haven’t talked for a few months now, but my sister e-mailed me (just yesterday actually) and she we should ALL apologize to each other and said something about me seeing her son. It’s a difficult situation and I’m not sure what to do about it yet, either. So, I really feel where you are at. I can’t really share any pearls of wisdom because I am looking for some myself, but I do wish you and your sister much luck!
Post # 7
That really stinks. I’m so sorry for you and your family- especially your little sister.
My only bit of advice (as a former Domestic Violence hotline counselor):
No matter how she behaves or what she does while he is manipulating her- DO NOT LET IT DRIVE YOU APART! NEVER judge her, always reassure her that you love her and want her in your life and be supportive of her in any way you can.
Some people may tell you to use tough love or something to try and get her to leave him- it won’t work. The Jerk is trying to alienate her from her family, isolate her, and leave her without a support system so she is totally dependent on him- and cannot leave.
If/when she does come to her senses, you want to be sure that she can reach out to you for help to get away from him!
I’ll keep you and your family in my thoughts.
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club
@rosychicklet: That’s exactly what I wanted to say but you said it so perfectly! She needs a sister right now. So much better than "tough love" or whatever — your lack of judgement will make it easier for her to admit to herself that things aren’t quite right.
Post # 9
That’s really terrible. I’m so sorry to hear the situation has evolved in to something so horrific. This "man" has power over your sister’s life right now, but don’t let him have it on yours. I know that its a bunch of blah when things are so volatile, but keep your chin up. You said as an attorney you see this sort of thing every day; what would you suggest others do?
I can’t imagine what that must have been like for your Dad, and the rest of your family. I hope and pray that you are all able to find peace.
Post # 10
Rosy Chicklet couldn’t have said it better. Be supportive of her becuase one day she will need and WANT that from you again!
Post # 11
I don’t have anything new to add her. Just I’m sorry. Please keep us updated.
Post # 12
I wish I could offer you more than my word of encouragement for you and your family. I truly hope your sister is/will be ok and see that she has no need to turn her back on your family. My heart and preyers go out to you and to yours.