- 3 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
Im reaching out to see if anybody has been through this before. I know how common early miscarriages are but late ones only occur 1% of the time. recurrent miscarriages also only happen to around 1% of the population. Im unlucky enough to have experienced both.
I went for my anatomy scan yesterday, myself and DH were excited to see the baby and also find out boy or girl, we argued so much over whether we should find out or not and for this i send him my most sincere apologies, it is completely not what we should have focused on. The u/s tech put the probe on my belly, she had a look on her face that was strange, i asked ” is my baby alive?” she said yes and that made me really happy. Im gabbing away saying how much we have been looking forward to seeing the baby again and she stays quiet, she tells me shes having a hard time getting measurements but since im a large woman i knew that could happen so i didnt think anything of it, i also didnt think anything of it when she went to get another tech to have a look because she had said they were using a new machine and she was new. The second tech put the probe on my belly and tried to get me talking but i needed to pee so bad i couldnt speak she was pressing so hard and then after 30 seconds she uttered the words that shattered my hopes and dreams, broke my heart and made my world crumble. Your baby has no heartbeat.
words cannot describe how that felt. Now im not one to judge and anybody can feel any amount of pain no matter how many weeks they are when their baby dies whether its at 4 weeks pregnant to full term or their child dies, there is no feeling like it. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks in my second pregnancy which was awful, lots of blood and pain but i had bled before i was scanned so i ‘knew’ and it made it easier to deal with. My second miscarriage was literally 21 weeks ago, i lost that baby at 5 weeks, not much bleeding and hardly any pain, i moved on quickly and got pregnant again immediately after. This pregnancy has not been easy, i had horrible symptoms for the first tri and when i was 8 weeks i bled a lot, i was scanned multiple times for bleeding and each time my baby was there wiggling about and perfectly on track, once i made it to 12 weeks i relaxed so much, even though my baby measured a week behind they said it was normal and it was perfectly formed with a nice strong heartbeat so that was perfect. Soon after that i started to feel movements and this was so reassuring to me. I never had any signs that anythng was wrong, movements had stopped but they say you cant count them until 28 weeks, placenta could have been in the way or baby could have been facing my back so i never knew this would happen.
shortly after finding out i had to take a pill to stop progesterone, its the same pill they give you for an abortion which made me feel awful, i feel like i killed my baby 🙁 I wish i had made them double check there was no heartbeat but i saw the screen. it only measured at 16 – 17 weeks gestation anyway and there was absolutely no movement but i still feel awful that i took the pill without double checking 🙁 Since i left the hospital i cant stop crying, we had to tell our 5 year old that his brother or sister has gone to heaven and he was so upset that i felt like an awful mother. I feel like a terrible wife also, 3 of my husbands babies have been lost and i dont know what to do or say, hes so strong for us all and his way of coping is to close down completely. does anybody have any idea how i can help him?
Im so scared right now, i have to go into hospital to give birth tomorrow, 20 weeks too soon. I want to see and hold my baby but because its been gone for a while they might not let me. Im scared of the pain too. Ive never given birth, my son was an emergency c-section and this baby was a planned c-section but they wont do that unless its necessary. This is the hardest thing ive ever had to do in my life, i just want to know how i can get through it 🙁
Please help me?