Devastated over TTC, what is wrong with me?

posted 3 years ago in TTC
  • poll: What would you do?
    Keep trying without testing : (19 votes)
    31 %
    Take a break- NTNP : (9 votes)
    15 %
    Get testing, keep trying : (28 votes)
    46 %
    Get testing, NTNP : (4 votes)
    7 %
    other which I will explain below : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    941 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    First and foremost, try to relax!! 6 months may seem like a long time, but it really isn’t. When I was trying to conceive my second (after having gotten pregnant the first month we tried with my first), it seemed like it was taking forever and I was feeling so anxious! When I finally just told myself “maybe it isn’t going to happen” and started to relax and focus on other things, we got pregnant almost immediately. You don’t need to “take a break” per se, but I certainly believe you shouldn’t put so much pressure on yourself!

    Post # 4
    12873 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    If money isn’t really an issue, I’d just start getting tested for everything under the sun.  After stopping BC last Sept to start TTC, I had a few long cycle, then 6 months later, which was only 3 cycle, I went to see my doc.  I held out on tested, and insisted on more natural cycles.  Here we are 13 months later.  2 months ago I wanted to start getting tested and all, but then schedule, vacations, etc got in the way.  And it was super annoying caue it had to be on certain CDs and my cycle are about 42-45 day long.  That’s a lot of waiting around.  I finally managed to do HSG and have his SA done.  (I’ve been doing bloodw ork all along too ssince that was easier for me to do).  And the whole time I was saying I should have jut got it done sooner.  I would rather find out up front and just pay for the test to know for certainity that I wasn’t just trying for nothing cause something was fundamentally wrong.  Well, all the tests have come back clear, but at least the tests are done and helps to determine a path forward.

    Post # 5
    12873 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Also check your insurnace policy, if you have a good plan like you said, it should may diagnostic services also.  Between all the blood work, u/s, hsg, sa, etc.. I’ve probably paid about 500.  Worth it for answers imo.

    Post # 6
    672 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    @guitargirl:  Theres so much I could say to try to make you feel better but I know personally Im in the same boat as you, 32 and trying for same time and no matter what anyone says it doesnt make the anger and saddness go away. I would get tested. If I get AF next week I am going into the 7th month and have already set up an appointment with my doctor just in case. It cant hurt for you to see whats going on, if anything at all. I hope everything works out! You should keep trying because you never know what will happen!

    Post # 7
    2614 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    @guitargirl:  You sound exactly like me! I had a meltdown at 6 months. I really thought there must be something wrong. At this point I made an apt to see a specialist (2.5 month waiting list) and booked DH in for SA. Just before this apts I got my BFP, just a week ago. Definitely look into these things, just in case. But, you could be taking a while to get BFP, like me. GL

    Post # 8
    1734 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1998

    I’m several years younger (mid-20s) and in the same boat – I’m in my 6th cycle. I was using OPKs before and switched to using a BBT this month. It’s getting to the point where it’s starting to jump the shark. By the end of 6 months trying, 70-80% of women have gotten their BFPs (the higher number is those who track ovulation).

    It gets tough. I feel you. My sister-in-law plans to start trying for #2 in a month or two and I am terrified that she will get pregnant before me (I think #1 took her 5 months or so; that’s with her husband traveling and him having testicular cancer, etc.). I wish them well and I want them to have a baby – but what a blow it will be to be 3 – 6 cycles further and still not pregnant while she’s happily announcing hers. Ugh.

    By Cycle 8, I think we’re going to get a sperm count for him and have my hormones checked while we’re at it.

    My brother and his wife were trying for two years before they finally went and got help…and it was another year before they got their BFP. I am not waiting anywhere near as long.

    Post # 9
    1457 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Just wanted to say that I understand your frustration, the anger, the sense of urgency and time lost…I get it and you aren’t alone!

    I’m 32. My husband and I tried for 8 months before we conceived – charting, healthy lifestyles, avoiding caffeine/alcohol/hot tubs, using sprem-friendly lube…you name it, we tried it (everything aside from testing and meds, that is). Every time AF showed, I thought the worst things…what if I’m infertile? What if he is? What if this never happens? What if I’m running out of time? What happens when my husband switches jobs and the logistics get even MORE difficult?  Should we test? Should we give up? WHY DOESN’T IT JUST HAPPEN ALREADY?!?!?! The frustration is like no other, and it really takes a toll on both parties in the relationship.

    If you can afford it, or if insurance is good, I’d have him get the sperm analysis just to feel a bit better. But it sounds like you guys are both in good health and that the doctors aren’t concerned, so I’d (God I hate myself for even saying this as it is easier said than done!) just try to relax and just give it some more time. With your work schedules, it sounds like perhaps you just haven’t hit that “magic window” yet…even if you know you are ovulating a certain day, it can take several days worth of BD before ovulation to give yourself the best chance. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that you get your BFP soon…don’t give up hope, my dear!!!


    Post # 10
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    If it’s hurting you psychologically, stop and NTNP for a few months.

    Nothing is worth your psychological well-being!

    Post # 11
    9137 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @guitargirl:  It sounds like timing is the big issue for you guys.  For your next cycle can one of you take a week long vacation during your fertile period so you can BD every day during that week?  Otherwise, I think some time NTNP would be a good idea to give you a break and save your sanity.

    Post # 12
    9859 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @guitargirl:  I think you’re putting too much pressure on yourself.  You’re so amped up about all the details it’s just not happening.  RELAX, have fun, try and enjoy the time with your FH and see where it gets you.  The majority of people I know who got preggers quickly actually just ‘pulled the goalie’ and tried their luck.  I really don’t understand the obesession with charting etc unless you’re having difficulty.

    Post # 14
    679 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @BrandNewBride:  That’s exactly what my sister did.

    She was a similar age (early 30’s) and they had tried for around 18 months.  All tests came back normal; her doctor told her the stress was not helping.

    Sure enough, they decided to stop trying, stop counting, stop charting.  She got pregnant 2 months later.

    Post # 15
    1835 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    @phoebephoebo:  just reading through this thread and saw you got your BFP! I’m so excited for you, I knew it would happen soon!!

    @guitargirl:  i would go do some tests if it’s in the budget! Also, try preseed lube if you’re not having as much CM, FX for you!

    Post # 16
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @guitargirl:  I don’t think 6 months is very long. My friend is trying to conceive and she said the average is a year (I am not sure if that is correct or not, but she seems quite relaxed about the whole thing). Either way, 6 months is not a sign of a problem BUT if it would make you feel better then you could always get some testing done.

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