- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Time to talk about this. REALLY TALK. There has to be some common ground. YOU did all the planning and what did he do with all the $ he made??? I suggest talking to a minister at your church.
Question is this...where are his priorities right now? W hat did his $ go to. Now I could understand if he bought you both a house or something.
It is time for him to answer these two VERY pertinent questions.
Hugs. Nothing but hugs. Fwiw, I would be very upset also.
Honestly? I understand that you're upset, but I think you have to consider whether or not these things matter THAT MUCH to you. Do you really NEED a diamond ring? Yeah, it might be nice to show off, but is it really necessary? Also, it sounds like he's been pretty busy trying to figure out his work life, and a honeymoon requires almost as much planning as the wedding itself, and they're expensive, so given his current situation, I'd be inclined to say either just go on a less expensive location nearby, or save the honeymoon for your first anniversary.
That said, I completely understand how frustrating this is for you. My dad does the same thing (puts stuff off and puts stuff off and puts stuff off) and it drives everyone bonkers. So I really DO get that you're mad that you've been planning this wedding and he couldn't so much as take a look at some jewelry or book a flight. Maybe gently suggest you look into a travel agent if this is really important to you?
(And I know what you mean about a proposal being less than what you'd dreamed of. I had an experience like that too, but I kind of look upon it happily, too. I may not have been surprised and I may not have received my ring in a champagne glass, but I get to marry the man I love, and in the long run, that's all that counts.)
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, and I hope your groom gets to stay on at the company (and gets his money back!).
002.JPG (2711.1 KB, 5 downloads) 1 year old 
Bellenga took my thoughts right out of my head. These are all questions and things you need to talk to him about, because right now it seems as though you're kinda left in the dark about this, which isn't how it should be. Talk to him. Communication is key.
Oh, I understand! My fiance is in finance and he is being so careful about the details of our wedding. He told me that he didn't think we should spend savings on wedding bands or a honeymoon.
The economy is really putting a damper on things. On the one hand, you are lucky that the diamond and the honeymoon have not been purchased. It's better to have that money in the bank to just ride out the storm.
Honeymoon ideas: Have a honeymoon in your hometown! Book the nicest hotel in the area for a few days and stay there, make love, order room service...no stress of travel! Go on a babymoon later! :)
Tell your fiance that you really want a diamond one day. For now, I would get a cz of what you would like to have. No one will no the difference at first. CZ's are great, but I guess that they get cloudy over time. You will know the difference, but you are going to talk calmly and rationally to your FI and tell him how much both things mean to you.
Just a word of advice: Don't make him wrong. Men respond badly to that. Try, "Wouldn't it be nice if we could still go on a honeymoon?" or "You know what I would really love? Oh, I would love to get that 2 carat princess cut diamond engagement ring from blank jewelry store that I've been eyeing for so long..."
Men just want to make us happy. It's been confirmed: everything they do, from the car they drive, the profession they choose, what they eat for breakfast, probably has to do with pleasing a woman, whether it be you, his mother, his sister, etc...
When offering criticism of a man (for example: no honeymoon and no ring) try the sandwich method. Start off with something he has done right: Honey, I love how hard you've been working at your job, (the meat in the middle is your problem) but I really wish I had blah blah blah because blah blah blah, sandwich with something good he does: because you are so great at fixing things, making me smile, dealing with difficult people , producing 6 figure income, etc...
It works like a charm and then you don't nag, get emotional, or make him wrong.
This advice comes from Mama Gena's Guide to Owning and Operating Men. A true classic. Without it, I probably wouldn't be engaged.
Take heart. Everything will work out for you. I can tell. Focus on all the things that are going right and you will naturally attract more of that.
Homework: 3 things about your wedding you appreciate, 3 things about your FI you appreciate, 3 things about your economic state you appreciate.
Good luck!!!
Well, there is always more to the story I suppose. Yes, he makes good money, but he still owed his parents a couple thousand dollars and had other bills he needed to pay off (when he proposed he had been trying to run his own business and was not doing well(financially) at it). So, he paid everyone off first and recently (within the last 3 months) got his big raise and started saving. I guess he has some $ in the bank, but also has about $12k owed him (what he needs remibursed by his company + his paycheck)he was planning to use. I just don't get why he waited until the last minute to do this. That, and if his company folds, he's out $12k and we definitely won't have the money to do either. We'll know more about what is going to happen on Monday.
Crossing my fingers. And giving you two suggestions. One worked for a former coworker of mine. Other worked for ME!
sounds as if he's had business issues. But imho just try this one for size. A gf of mine used this site and got a great diamond there a few years back and their prices are good. www.fancydiamondinc.com Good diamond for a smaller price. Click on their clearance rings.
And this is a trick I use to carry out my champagne wishes and caviar dreams on a beer and pretzels budget as a single mom to take my son on vacations in the past! This is before I met T btw..
www.biddingfortravel.com This is a site where you learn how to properly bid on travel on sites like priceline or hotwire. Best damn site ever!!!
And did this ROCK!!! I learned their simple system and they are a board, like ours, totally free, just people helping out other people. I got the resort I originally wanted! I had wanted to take my son to Orlando and stay at the Omni Championsgate /JW Marriott, or Ritz Grand Lakes but couldn't afford their rates. Enter this site on the scene which helps you stack your odds at priceline, and I got the resort I wanted for LESS THAN HALF the nightly going rate! Voila. I could suddenly afford my champagne wishes! We loved it so much we stayed in from Disney one day just to enjoy their pools. (tripadvisor said a year ago that the Omni there had the best pool in the USA!)
He has worries? Well now you have two good solutions to take care of both issues!
Here's one awesome deal I just found surfing (btw on page 2 they have an almost uncanny version of my former wedding and e ring)...
http://www.fancydiamondinc.com/solitaire_round_brilliant_ring_C296.htm
And you could get a kick butt deal either with bidding for travel (great for inside the US) or for carribbean go to www.bookit.com or www.cheapcarribbean.com
IMG_0509.JPG (101.1 KB, 34 downloads) 1 year old IMG_0507.JPG (115 KB, 29 downloads) 1 year old tables.jpg (65.2 KB, 29 downloads) 1 year old 
Just wanted to add that Rue La La is having a sale on trips to The White Elephant in Nantucket for the rest of the summer. Maybe you could do a mini-moon if you're close?
Sorry you're having to deal with this so close to the wedding. Does he have the money for it all and just doesn't want to spend it? Or has he just not saved for any of it?
2009_is_mine_358.JPG (623.8 KB, 40 downloads) 1 year old 2009_is_mine_356.JPG (617.7 KB, 37 downloads) 1 year old
Here's a good example about getting a good deal using the www.biddingfortravel.com advide:
This guy wanted to go the carribbean (Grand cayman at a 4 star resort) and the website said cheapest price was 185 per night..lookie what he got:
Well, he "had" the money I suppose, but it is tied up. You all are so wonderful! Thank you for all of the suggestions, the words of wisdom and for reminding me why I love weddingbee so much! It looks like I have some web surfing to do(thanks to your links):)
Well like others have said, I would try not to fret too much over not getting the diamond of your dreams or a fancy honeymoon right away. In this tough economy, many of us are making do and sacrificing wedding stuff in order to be practical.
However, what does worry me is his lack of communication and seeming to not care about things that were important to you/commitments he made. Honesty and open communication are keys to a successful marriage. Hope you can sit down and have a talk to figure things out!
Yes, bananfishfever, that is exactly what I am upset about; it's not the ring or the honeymoon, it's the lack of thoughtfulness that his poor planning displays.
We do have regular couple meetings each week after church. It turns out that he had been planning on using the money his company owed him plus some he'd saved to pay for everything. It hit him about a month ago that they might not be able to pay him back until right before the wedding and he was holding out to buy the ring I had really wanted. He was very sad that he wouldn't be able to deliver on his promise. Obviously, I am too, but hearing the full story makes it easier. He's the type who always keeps promises/does what he can to make me happy, and so I will just have to overlook this. We are going to go on a roadtrip (we live in Denver) for our honeymoon, which is not ideal, but will be fun.
I'm so sorry about all of this stress with just a couple of weeks to go before the wedding! My number one concern would be how your relationship is doing. If the two of you are happy and good, then maybe it's just that he's stressed out by big decisions or purchases. My fiance got really overwhelmed by booking the honeymoon which frustrated me at the time because I was handling a million wedding details and asked him to handle 2 or 3, but I eventually realized (thank you, Mom!) that kind of planning just isn't one of his strengths and I'm ok with that.
Look at it this way: if he'd bought your ring and the honeymoon first, he'd still be in debt to his parents and carrying all the debt of his other bills. If he had done things that way, and was about to get laid off, that would be terrible! At least this way, you're in a bit of a better position financially, not having all the debt hanging over your head. Would you rather have a diamond ring on your finger to show off to your girlfriends, or creditors coming after you and charging you obscene amounts of interest?
Please try not to be too devastated, or let this affect your wedding or your relationship. It doesn't sound to me like this was a lack of thoughfullness-- sounds like he had your best interests at heart, by taking care of dangerous debts before buying frivolous (but beautiful! :)) diamonds...
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
Sorry, there are no users yet.
Sorry, there are no users yet.
I will try and be as brief as possible....when my FI proposed 2 years ago, he did not have much so he gave me a wedding band instead of an engagement ring. The proposal was pretty lackluster too (he just handed me the ring basically).The idea was that he would buy me a diamond ring and would "re do" the proposal on his own terms. This was okay with me and still is, but it was certainly difficult when other girls were comparing rings and stories; I just felt so sad.
FI has had a well-paying (six figures) job for a year and I had every reason to believe that my "dream" was going to come true. I've done everything I was supposed to do for the wedding faithfully, wrote all of the checks to the vendors (I have been saving up for 2 years and am paying more even though he makes more because I wanted certain things, and I am okay with that too). Come to find out, he has not bought the ring or booked a honeymoon ( 2 items he was in charge of) and now his company may be laying everyone off! To top it off, they owe him $6k in reimbursements for items he purchased and they also owe him a paycheck. 2 weeks before the wedding it looks like I will not have a diamond ring or a honeymoon...
While I totally understand that times are hard, and while I am trying to be supportive of him as his company rides out these times (there is a 60/40 chance they will keep him even while laying others off), I can't help but being hurt and angry that he waited until now to take care of these items. I have been so patient and so supportive, and this makes me feel like he A) doesn't get how important these things are to me and B) that I can't trust him to come through on his promises.
The wedding is 13 days away and I am SO SAD that I feel like this so close to the wedding. Please help! Any words of wisdom will be appreciated.
Attachments