(Closed) Devestated and Need Support

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
7054 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Time to talk about this.  REALLY TALK.  There has to be some common ground.  YOU did all the planning and what did he do with all the $ he made???  I suggest talking to a minister at your church.

Question is this…where are his priorities right now?  W hat did his $ go to.  Now I could understand if he bought you both a house or something.

It is time for him to answer these two VERY pertinent questions.

Hugs.  Nothing but hugs.  Fwiw, I would be very upset also.

Post # 4
2820 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Honestly? I understand that you’re upset, but I think you have to consider whether or not these things matter THAT MUCH to you. Do you really NEED a diamond ring? Yeah, it might be nice to show off, but is it really necessary? Also, it sounds like he’s been pretty busy trying to figure out his work life, and a honeymoon requires almost as much planning as the wedding itself, and they’re expensive, so given his current situation, I’d be inclined to say either just go on a less expensive location nearby, or save the honeymoon for your first anniversary.

That said, I completely understand how frustrating this is for you. My dad does the same thing (puts stuff off and puts stuff off and puts stuff off) and it drives everyone bonkers. So I really DO get that you’re mad that you’ve been planning this wedding and he couldn’t so much as take a look at some jewelry or book a flight. Maybe gently suggest you look into a travel agent if this is really important to you?

(And I know what you mean about a proposal being less than what you’d dreamed of. I had an experience like that too, but I kind of look upon it happily, too. I may not have been surprised and I may not have received my ring in a champagne glass, but I get to marry the man I love, and in the long run, that’s all that counts.)

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, and I hope your groom gets to stay on at the company (and gets his money back!). 

Post # 5
782 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Bellenga took my thoughts right out of my head. These are all questions and things you need to talk to him about, because right now it seems as though you’re kinda left in the dark about this, which isn’t how it should be. Talk to him. Communication is key.

Post # 6
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Oh, I understand! My fiance is in finance and he is being so careful about the details of our wedding. He told me that he didn’t think we should spend savings on wedding bands or a honeymoon.

The economy is really putting a damper on things. On the one hand, you are lucky that the diamond and the honeymoon have not been purchased. It’s better to have that money in the bank to just ride out the storm.

Honeymoon ideas: Have a honeymoon in your hometown! Book the nicest hotel in the area for a few days and stay there, make love, order room service…no stress of travel! Go on a babymoon later! 🙂

Tell your fiance that you really want a diamond one day. For now, I would get a cz of what you would like to have. No one will no the difference at first. CZ’s are great, but I guess that they get cloudy over time. You will know the difference, but you are going to talk calmly and rationally to your Fiance and tell him how much both things mean to you.

Just a word of advice: Don’t make him wrong. Men respond badly to that. Try, "Wouldn’t it be nice if we could still go on a honeymoon?" or "You know what I would really love? Oh, I would love to get that 2 carat princess cut diamond engagement ring from blank jewelry store that I’ve been eyeing for so long…"

Men just want to make us happy. It’s been confirmed: everything they do, from the car they drive, the profession they choose, what they eat for breakfast, probably has to do with pleasing a woman, whether it be you, his mother, his sister, etc…

When offering criticism of a man (for example: no honeymoon and no ring) try the sandwich method. Start off with something he has done right: Honey, I love how hard you’ve been working at your job, (the meat in the middle is your problem) but I really wish I had blah blah blah because blah blah blah, sandwich with something good he does: because you are so great at fixing things, making me smile, dealing with difficult people , producing 6 figure income, etc…

It works like a charm and then you don’t nag, get emotional, or make him wrong.

This advice comes from Mama Gena’s Guide to Owning and Operating Men.  A true classic. Without it, I probably wouldn’t be engaged.

Take heart. Everything will work out for you. I can tell. Focus on all the things that are going right and you will naturally attract more of that.

Homework: 3 things about your wedding you appreciate, 3 things about your Fiance you appreciate, 3 things about your economic state you appreciate.

Good luck!!!

Post # 8
7054 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Crossing my fingers.  And giving you two suggestions.  One worked for a former coworker of mine.  Other worked for ME!

sounds as if he’s had business issues.  But imho just try this one for size.  A gf of mine used this site and got a great diamond there a few years back and their prices are good.  http://www.fancydiamondinc.com  Good diamond for a smaller price.  Click on their clearance rings.

And this is a trick I use to carry out my champagne wishes and caviar dreams on a beer and pretzels budget as a single mom to take my son on vacations in the past!  This is before I met T btw..

http://www.biddingfortravel.com  This is a site where you learn how to properly bid on travel on sites like priceline or hotwire.  Best damn site ever!!!

And did this ROCK!!! I learned their simple system and they are a board, like ours, totally free, just people helping out other people.  I got the resort I originally wanted!  I had wanted to take my son to Orlando and stay at the Omni Championsgate /JW Marriott, or Ritz Grand Lakes but couldn’t afford their rates.  Enter this site on the scene which helps you stack your odds at priceline, and I got the resort I wanted for LESS THAN HALF the nightly going rate!  Voila.  I could suddenly afford my champagne wishes!  We loved it so much we stayed in from Disney one day just to enjoy their pools. (tripadvisor said a year ago that the  Omni there had the best pool in the USA!)

He has worries?  Well now you have two good solutions to take care of both issues! 


Post # 10
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Just wanted to add that Rue La La is having a sale on trips to The White Elephant in Nantucket for the rest of the summer. Maybe you could do a mini-moon if you’re close?


Sorry you’re having to deal with this so close to the wedding. Does he have the money for it all and just doesn’t want to spend it? Or has he just not saved for any of it? 

Post # 13
92 posts
Worker bee

Well like others have said, I would try not to fret too much over not getting the diamond of your dreams or a fancy honeymoon right away.  In this tough economy, many of us are making do and sacrificing wedding stuff in order to be practical. 

 However, what does worry me is his lack of communication and seeming to not care about things that were important to you/commitments he made.  Honesty and open communication are keys to a successful marriage.  Hope you can sit down and have a talk to figure things out!

Post # 15
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I’m so sorry about all of this stress with just a couple of weeks to go before the wedding!  My number one concern would be how your relationship is doing. If the two of you are happy and good, then maybe it’s just that he’s stressed out by big decisions or purchases. My fiance got really overwhelmed by booking the honeymoon which frustrated me at the time because I was handling a million wedding details and asked him to handle 2 or 3, but I eventually realized (thank you, Mom!) that kind of planning just isn’t one of his strengths and I’m ok with that.

Post # 16
1045 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2008

Look at it this way: if he’d bought your ring and the honeymoon first, he’d still be in debt to his parents and carrying all the debt of his other bills.  If he had done things that way, and was about to get laid off, that would be terrible!  At least this way, you’re in a bit of a better position financially, not having all the debt hanging over your head.  Would you rather have a diamond ring on your finger to show off to your girlfriends, or creditors coming after you and charging you obscene amounts of interest?

Please try not to be too devastated, or let this affect your wedding or your relationship.  It doesn’t sound to me like this was a lack of thoughfullness– sounds like he had your best interests at heart, by taking care of dangerous debts before buying frivolous (but beautiful! :)) diamonds…

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