(Closed) Devil’s Advocate

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011 - Sweet ceremony by the sea and sunset celebration on the North Shore of Hawaii

Can I get an amen?! As a bee who waited years, I couldn’t agree with you more. But I also recognize that every relationship has it’s own set of wrinkles and sometimes the line between wanting it to be perfect and stalling becomes hard to decipher…and difficult to not take it personally. Mr. Bee had a great post on his tips for waiting girls that I found to be super insightful! Thanks for this great post. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Without going into a novel of details, we went through a rough period after we decided to get married and before he propsed. It seriously put a strain on our relationship because we talked about it too much and I would get so disappointed when it didn’t happen. It actually pushed him away and made him not want to propose (propose, not changing his mind about getting married). We got to the point where he would have to tell me before a big weekend/event/occasion that he would not be proposing and to please not get my hopes up. When he did propose, he did make it a point to tell me that it wasn’t happening ๐Ÿ˜‰

His thing was that the proposal is HIS thing and not for me to control. He had to do it on his time and in his own way. It’s just as important for them as it is for us. The more we stressed about it the more it made things worse and he waited.

When he did finally propose (which was only 4 months after we decided to get engaged now), it was absolutely perfect ๐Ÿ™‚

The best advice I can give is to give him space about it and not argue/talk about it all the time. Unless he really is just unsure or not wanting to make the move to the next level, he will do it.

Hang in there!!

Post # 5
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada โ™ฅ EDD- April 2016

This is really great advice (: I try to keep in mind whenever I can’t stand waiting anymore that it’s his proposal too. He has all these ideas and hopes for how it will go aside from me saying yes ๐Ÿ˜‰ I need to remember that it isn’t all about me and my hatred for waiting haha

Post # 6
3801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You are so right! My SO hasn’t proposed yet, but when I was being a pain a few months ago, he told my parents that he wants to do it, but wants me to calm down because he wants to do it his way and make it a memorable experience for us both. This made me realize just how important it is to them…and I calmed down. Even though they know we want it and we are going to say yes, they still put a lot of pressure on themselves. It would be easier if they let us KNOW how much pressure they are under so we can understand, but I guess keeping cool on the outside is part of the process.

Post # 7
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@armychica06:I appreciate you giving REAL advice without undermining what us waiting gals feel as we continue to wait. So often, engaged bees attack us with a “just be patient” mentality– which clearly, for whatever reason, we just don’t want to hear.

Congrats on your engagement! I read the story and saw the pics. I hope to join you as a newly engaged women within the next two weeks (I’m one of those waiting bees who has a timeline with my SO, lol). =)

Post # 8
359 posts
Helper bee

My SO put it to me like this once…the proposal is for the man what the wedding day is for the woman.  And I thought he was crazy.  But you’ve just reinforced what he said.  Thanks.  Oooooh, and Congrats!!  ^.^

Post # 9
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Mr. Tattoo wrote a post about this when we got engaged. He basically said men are nervous because they get pressure from EVERYWHERE to have this AMAZING proposal so that we can run back to our girlfriends or blog about the perfect proposal. We swoon at couples who go on these romantic adventures or make up a star in a “movie” to propose and they have to hear about it. It’s like “Awww, he wrote a song on his iPhone and played it at the cinema!” or “Awww, he got together with her coworkers and covered her desk in 20 dozon roses and came into her office on a white horse.” lol So they think they have to have this amazing proposal when most of us would be happy if he did it at home during dinner.

Waiting sucks. I know. I think we all know. It just effing sucks, but we know it’s going to happen. I think we drive ourselves bonkers because we can’t control when, how, and where it’s going to happen.

Post # 10
2894 posts
Sugar bee

@FlutterbyBee: That’s the first time I’ve heard that. But it makes perfect sense.

Post # 11
222 posts
Helper bee

@armychica06: Great post, thanks. Sometimes we get so caught up in the waiting we forget that it’s his big day too (I know I did/do). And FlutterbyBee that was the best way I’ve ever heard it put. I will keep that in mind when I feel anxious about waiting =)

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