DH and his anal sex desires..

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m sure he likes more then just anal and he should respect that it hurts and you dont like it….tell him your going to try anal on him first so he can experience it. Don’t let him make you feel like you need to do that one thing to pleasure him, it’s emotionally hard on you and can force you apart. I’d be pissed too, but I think you should tell him you remember and feel taken advantage of.

im sorry this is happening. Have you already suggested trying new different things you both enjoy? Change his fetish a bit?

Post # 5
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

FI wanted to do it once, just to see what it felt like.

i told him straight out “exit only.” i have digestive issues. not ever happening. i also pulled the “when you let me shove something up your ass, i’ll consider letting your dick in mine”. and he shut up really quick.

Post # 6
5808 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@anonnybea:  Have you tried to do other anal things? Fingers, toys? You might not ever enjoy it the way you like vaginal, but it might not hurt as much. Also, are you using the right kind of lube? Dont use water soluable. They have lubes in sex stores that are made for anal. (Dont get the kind that has a desenetizer in it. You could hurt yourself)

If you arent into trying to make it enjoyable for you, then you need to talk with DH. Ask him how causing you pain and making you do something so uncomfortable can possibly make him happy? Does having anal sex make him so happy that it’s worth making you feel so bad?

If that doesnt work, get a strap on dildo. Tell him that you’ll have anal sex every time you can do anal sex to him…

Post # 7
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Ugh, I hate anal, too. My ex kept trying to get me to do anal, until I gave in one time, let him try it and he couldn’t get it in without it hurting and I freaked out and made him stop. I pretty much told FI that he will never get anal and if that’s something that he wants, he will have to find another girl to marry.

You need to put your foot down and tell him anal is off limits. You tried it, you don’t like it. Case closed.

You should also bring up the fact that you’re hurt that he took advantage of your vulnerable, drunken state to have anal sex, knowing full well that you say no to him 95% of the time.

But this time, tell him anal is off limits 100% of the time. Tell him that he is never allowed to ask for it again and tell him you’re very serious about it.

His behavior is really disgusting to me, to be honest. I don’t mean to be judgmental, but I certainly would have flipped the eff out before. While I think it’s important co compromise, there are some things you’re allowed to say no to, especially when it comes to sex. I feel like a guy should always be a little bit more sensitive to what a girl is willing or not willing to do in bed. I might get flamed for that, but it’s just how I feel.

Post # 8
1553 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think it’s fair enough that you’ve tried it, and done it a few times for him, even though you don’t like it. He should be respectful of the fact that you don’t like it, and that it hurts you. It’s not like you never tried it!

Post # 10
3230 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Um… he took advantage of you when you were drunk?! What!? Am I the only one who things this is NOT okay!?! He obviously knew your feelings about it and took advantage of your inebriated state to do what he wanted, despite you saying no. That is really disgusting and you need to make it absolutely clear to him that it is NOT okay!

Post # 11
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Not trying to freak you out, but the last time a guy begged and pleaded for anal, he came out as a homosexual about four years after we dated. And you’re right, it’s all about compromise, if you say no, and he says yes, and you tried, okay it, but you still hate it, great, thats compromise. I would be questioning how much I know this guy if he keeps pushing the issue, and took advantage of me while drinking. I hate to sound like a bitch, but a husband doesn’t take advantage of a wife, in my opinion, sexually or non-sexually, drunk or not drunk. I think you need to have a serious talk with him and/or maybe seek some counseling. This is obviously a big thing for him with all the porn on his phone. Just my two cents!

Post # 13
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@anonnybea:  I got into anal as a single girl with low self-esteem. (Classy girl, I know!)

And the more you dread it, the more it hurts! So for me, drunk anal is great because I’m all nice and limber!

But the real issue here is that he’s NOT LISTENING to you! You tried it a few times, you HATED it, it hurt, you’re done! And I think he should respect that!

Anal is like trying new food–if you don’t like the first bite, try another one just to be sure. But if you still hate the second or third bite… Put it away for a while!

Post # 14
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@hollyberry4:  +1000000000 times a million

Doing a sexual act to you when you could not consent (and he knew you’d say no if you could!) is rape. 

Post # 15
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010


First off, the drunk sex is more than taking advantage of you, that’s rape… you were in no position to consent.  That being said, I’m going to move on and let you decide what to do about it- aka if you want to confront him or forget it happened.

As far as the rest, I think you were more than fair in that you tried it and you don’t like it.  There is a possibility that you guys did not do everything possible to get you in the best position/readiness for it, but that truly doesn’t matter.  At this point you equate it as a semitraumatic experience, so I don’t think you will ever be able to enjoy anal without some kind of cognitive therapy, which you don’t need since you do not actually want to change how you feel about it. You should never have to do something that you are so uncomfortable with, period. 

My idea on compromise- I believe you should purchase him an anal shaped Fleshlight (example here: http://www.fleshlight.com/classics/classic-pink-butt/) so that he can live out his anal fetish with that.  Maybe you can stick your ass in the air once in a while and let him touch it (not inside!) while he uses the fleshlight. Aside from that, have sex doggy style sometimes so he can get a nice view of your ass and get his visual fill.

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