- 3 years ago
Regular bee going anon (of course).
I’m doing this because I’ve had a lot of issues dealing with this on my own.
I’ve been with my DH for nearly 10 years. We have a child together. After I had our daughter, my DH started hinting that he wanted to try anal (and of course, in my mind, I equate this to me no longer being quite the same “down there.”)
I honestly have never had ANY interest in anal sex, but I also believe that a successful relationship needs to have a great deal of compromise. After him hinting for months and months and me saying “someday.” I gave in, twice. Once on his birthday and our wedding night.
Both times we took our time, used lube, blah blah blah. I tried to get myself in the correct mind-set to enjoy it, but oh my god, I hate it. HATE it. I do not enjoy it at all.
Moving on, despite him saying, “if we do it just once, I’ll never bring it up again.” He keeps bringing it up.
I feel bad, like REALLY bad. I don’t want ot deny him his sexual pleasures, but holy eff, I HATE anal. I told him I don’t enjoy it. I don’t like it. I try, but I don’t.
The big issue I have is that a few weeks ago, we had a small get together at our house. This involved drinking. I don’t drink a whole lot, and I ended up VERY drunk that night. After everyone had left, DH and I had sex, and I vaguely remember him doing anal and it hurting. The rest I don’t remember. After previos anal encounters, he would talk about it and tell me how surprised he was that I let him do it or whatever, but this time he didn’t even mention it, which makes me feel like he KNOWS what he did wasn’t right, and since I “don’t remember,” he’s not going to bring it up.
Anyways, the next day I didn’t want to talk about it. I just played it off like I didn’t remember anything. He kept bringing up that we had sex, and I just said I couldn’t remember.
Im just mad. Mad that he kind of took advantage of my drunkenness to do that. Mad because I’ve tried SO hard to enjoy this, and I don’t. I’m not oppossed to porn, but I will admit when I recently found a bunch of anal porn on his phone, it kinda bugged me.
So, how do I work through these feelings. I don’t know why, after like 9 years, he suddenly wants to do anal all the time. I feel VERY guilty that I don’t want to do it, and that I am denying him that..but man, I have a hard enough time enjoying standard sex (it took YEARS to enjoy it) let alone going down this path. Can anyone else relate? how do you deal with this?