Post # 1
DH’s cousin is getting married and I don’t know if our baby is invited. Even if she is, DH is planning to go to the wedding alone, because I think it will be too overwhelming for her. We live far away from the place where the wedding is taking place and are combining the wedding with a longer trip to visit DH’s immediate family in the area (who will also be at the wedding). The idea is that we’ll stay at the hotel where the reception is being held, but only DH will attend while I stay with the baby.
I didn’t mind this arrangement at first, but now I feel a little funny about it. I feel like a wedding is a family event and if I’m not there, it seems like I’m not part of the family, especially since this is the first family event we’ll be going to since our own wedding. The only time I’ve even met most of DH’s extended family is at our wedding, and I’m afraid that when they see him there without me, they’ll think that there’s something wrong with our marriage.
Am I being too sensitive about this? I don’t know what to do about it either. I would love to go, but everyone else who we know and would trust to babysit, will be at the wedding. We’ve already booked our trip and I’m thinking I just need to suck it up and not care what people think of me. Thoughts?
Post # 3
Have you tried asking if your baby is invited? I know a lot of people want child-free weddings, but there’s usually an exception for young babies. Of course, if they don’t want the baby there at all and you can’t arrange a baby sitter, then that’s fine, but maybe see if you can turn up just after the ceremony (with the baby) and say you just wanted to see them on their special day and wish them well. That way they don’t have to worry about the baby interrupting the ceremony (which is usually the concern with child-free weddings, I think), and you still get to attend this family event.
Post # 4
@LadyElva: I definitely wouldn’t bring the baby to the ceremony because she’s a screamer and I would hate for her to ruin it! I don’t think she could sit still through the reception either, but I think I’ll ask. Still, I know how most people don’t think weddings are appropriate for babies, and I don’t want to be “that” guest.
Would it be weird if I attend the ceremony and my husband attends the reception so we can tag-team baby duty?
Post # 5
@caritas: How do you know the baby is not invited? Since you need to travel, that means babysitting isn’t practical so it is appropriate to politely ask.
How old will your baby be?
If the baby is not welcome, I think DH attending alone is the perfect solution, since it’s his family,
Post # 6
@caritas: “Would it be weird if I attend the ceremony and my husband attends the reception so we can tag-team baby duty?”
Personally I think it’s more appropriate if DH is at the ceremony since it’s his family.
Here’s what we did once: we had a hotel room in the same hotel as the reception, just down the hall. So our kids stayed there, and DH and I (and I think even my mother for a short time) took turns babysitting them during the reception.
Post # 7
@paula1248: She’ll be 6 months. I don’t know if she’s invited, but she doesn’t do well in a crowded, loud environment so we weren’t planning to bring her anyway. I will ask though.
Post # 8
@caritas: “most people don’t think weddings are appropriate for babies” — I don’t think this is true at all. Based on the bee, there are some brides who don’t want babies crying during their ceremony or terror-kids running around the reception, but there are also lots of brides (and TONS of non-bride parents/guests) who think of weddings as family affairs and a perfect opportunity to introduce the baby and get pictures with relatives they might not see again for a while.
Post # 9
@caritas: Avoiding loud crowded environments will only make her more sensitive to them. Is there time for you to take her on some outings to try and get her more used to different environments? That is one of the best things you can do for your kids anyway — introduce them to as many (safe) types of situations as you can so they become familiar and comfortable where ever they are.
Post # 10
@caritas: First of all, GOOD FOR YOU for admitting your kid is a screamer and would ruin things lol. Seriously, that’s cool of you. And the poor baby… she doesn’t wanna sit through a long ceremony and loud reception.
I say you should skip out on the ceremony, and tell them that it’s because of the baby. If the baby is invited, try bringing her for maybe half an hour and see how it goes. Would your MIL/FIL/some very close relative be willing to step out for maybe 30 minutes and take care of the baby? Would you be comfortable asking? Then you could stay with your hubby for a while, attend the reception, and then slip back to your hotel room with the baby.
Post # 11
@lanalnoco: +1 to self/baby awareness. 🙂
I would pop in during some down time between events and just give a hug and kiss, wish them well, take a picture, and take baby back to your hotel room.
Post # 12
Good ideas, thanks! I’ll see if my in-laws can take turns babysitting with us.
Post # 13
Agree with the input given by the other Bees
First and foremost check with the Bride… although be sure and don’t ask in any way that you put her on the spot…
So try something like…
“We are so thrilled to come to your Wedding, and as Baby XYZ will just be 6 months old we have to bring them along. We’ve made plans to tag-team baby sit him during the event, but we just wanted to confirm that this is what you had in mind… just ABC and I attending, and not the baby”
Then let her speak her mind, and respect whatever choice she has made (sucks when Guests argue these points… making Guest Lists is difficult enough)
I am sure you all will be able to work this out… it is something that all of us who have had kids have had to have face / work around at one time or another.
You’ll be surprised how creative folks can be.
It might be worthwhile to ask if the Brides knows of any other couples bringing little ones… maybe you all can find a way to make a group arrangement for babysitting…
Worth a shot.
Hope this helps,
Post # 14
Everyone will understand that you have a little baby who you need to take care of – no one will think there is anything wrong with the marriage! My cousin’s wife just had their baby yesterday and she only might be coming to my rehearsal dinner/wedding while my cousin is coming to both. We’ll miss her if she isn’t able to come, but caring for the baby definitely takes priority!