- Miss Mochaccino
- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
Hello ladies of the hive,
I have an “issue” to work out with DH that has to do with birthdays. I never imagined this being an issue before I was married, but I am feeling rather insecure due to this issue.
Prior to getting married, I simply saw celebrating a birthday as a simple affair. You out to dinner; maybe dinner and a movie, maybe give/receive a gift. Sometimes the gift might be extra special (e.g., a new watch or earrings, etc.) sometimes it might be more simple (a book or handmade gift), but the point was simply that you made effort.
DH’s family goes over the top for birthdays (as you can see from earlier posts). They often turn them into multi-day affairs, including travel and occasionally expensive gifts as well.
This year, DH’s gift to his sister was a 3-day windsurfing trip & lessons for him, myself, and her. We paid $500 to make this happen for all of us. Granted, we all partook in the experience, but the trip was all about her.
This is why I feel insecure. I watched my DH plan her b-day for over a month, and check and double check to make sure she wanted windsurfing. I therefore expected at least the same amount of effort for my birthday. But that didn’t happen. My birthday was lovely and under any other circumstances I would have been fine with it. But I can’t help comparing the effort and money DH invested in his sister to that invested in me (his wife). For my birthday, DH waited until the very last minute and bought us dinner tickets to Les Miserables (which I have seen before – he didn’t bother to check). The cost for the Les Mis tickets were $45 each and the cost of the dinner was about $15 each. He also made me breakfast on the day and wrote me a note on a notecard that he found in my notecard stash. All in all, DH spent $120 to make my birthday happen, and $500 to make his sister’s day happen.
DH did mention that we got a car recently, and are planning a big holiday, and I totally get it that we’ve got these other expenses, but I can’t help comparing the effort and money invested . . . I feel that he wouldn’t uses those excuses if it were his sister’s b-day.
All in all, I don’t feel that he loves his sis more or anything like that. He clearly loves me and shares much more with me than he does his sister. He also feels like she’s a pain and a burden at times, and he feels “obligated” to do things for her.
So, what would you guys do in this situation? Am I overreacting by comparing the time and effort and money invested in the birthdays?