Post # 1
So. Just as my title says, my DH went off on his sister. DH and I had a baby over the summer and he was very adamant that he did not want people posting DD’s pictures all over the internet. He didn’t even really want me to, but I wanted to bc all of my family lives out of state and it is easy for everyone to look on my fb page and see what I’ve posted. We let the families know our decision and they all were disappointed but agreed, seeing as how it’s our call.
After we told everyone our resquest my SIL (DH’s sister) went around telling everyone that it was bs she wasn’t allowed to post pictures and how she’s DD’s aunt and should be allowed to.
FWW to Friday night. I am out to dinner with a mutual friend of mine and SIL’s and she was asking why DH didn’t want pictures being posted of the baby. I told her why and she understood and then proceeded to show me SIL’s instagram account where lo and behold, are pictures of DD. One of the comments on the pictures went something to the tune of, “I found a way around the rule! I am a proud aunt and should be allowed to post pictures!!!!” DH and I do not have instagram accounts, only fb.
I was livid. I went home and told DH and he called her. Asked her if pictures of the baby were up and she said yes. He said, “Why would you put pictures of her online when I asked you not to??” She tried saying at first she thought we only meant fb, and when that excuse didn’t work said that she was using instagram to edit the pictures. He told her it was bs bc of the one comment she made about finding a loophole to our rule/request. He LOST it on her and told her to take the f’ing pictures down NOW and how rude and disrespectful she was being.
For some reason she called their mother and got her involved and had her upset. Why she did this, I don’t know. DH’s family never confronts her about anything bc in my opinion, no one wants her upset. It’s her way or the highgway!! Since then she has deleted and blocked us from fb which I think is hilarious. Like DH said, by her doing that she still thinks she has done nothing wrong.
Sorry this was so long but I had to get it out there! Who blatantly disrespects a parents’ wishes that way?! If I have pictures to post of my older child and there are other children in the picture I always make sure with the parent that it is ok to post them. Since SIL is a mother I would have thought she would have understood why my DH didn’t want DD’s pictures all over everyone’s social media accounts.
At this point I am totally done with my SIL. She has been nothing but disrepectful to me every since DH and I became engaged. She even came to my house right after I had DD and “apologized” for the way she has treated me and asked for my forgiveness which I gave her! Sadly, actions always do speak louder than words and this is showing me the person she truly is. Sad. Sorry this was so long and if you made it through, thanks for reading. It feels good to write it out.
Post # 3
@r_hink: This is a big issue of mine. What drives me nuts is when people will take my pictures save them to their computer and upload them to their FB like they are their own. First they are mine to share, second I don’t know your friends and don’t want strangers having access to my baby’s picture. Glad your DH stood up to her!
Post # 4
@ieatunicorns: I was very proud of him! First they are mine to share, second I don’t know your friends and don’t want strangers having access to my baby’s picture. That’s how DH feels! SIL in particular adds every Tom, Dick and Harry to her fb. Whoever friend requests her she adds and he did not a bunch of random people seeing DD’s pictures! What drives me nuts is when people will take my pictures save them to their computer and upload them to their FB like they are their own. Seriously…who does that?! Ugh!
Post # 5
@r_hink: I 100% agree with your husband flipping the shit on her. People are EXTREMELY sensitive when it comes to their babies as they very well should be.
I have some adorable picture of myself and a friend’s baby but I send them all to her and said you may post them if you wish but I will not as I respect her position as his mother and what she does/doesn’t want done with her baby in pictures.
It is super disrespectful that she felt her wants/desires trumped those of the PARENTS. Then she had the nerve to lie AND block you guys? WOW! Sounds like you may be better off without her type of drama in your life especially when it comes to your baby. That is and will always be your #1 priority and focus!
ETA: There are some SICK ass people in this world and pedophilia is no joke. Blame on Law & Order:SVU but I am super paranoid about baby pictures and kids taking pics in bath tubs, half dressed. I feel its better to be safe then sorry…
Post # 6
@CocoClassic: My sentiments exactly! I have watched too many forensic files to not be worried. As for being better off without her drama, absolutely. While we were planning our wedding she went crazy and deleted me off fb but shortly after friend requested me and I accepted. I thought for the sake of keeping peace in the family it was the right thing to do. I told DH if she does that this time I am NOT adding her back. No. Thank. You.
Post # 7
Why on earth is she so motivated to make other people look at these pictures? Does she feel good getting all the likes and the comments on her account? Will she enjoy these pictures more by making strangers look at them than if she just enjoyed them herself? Sounds kind of like she’s looking for attention, and using these baby pictures as her way.
I’ve considered this… and I think the way I’m going to handle this if I have kids soon is to share pictures on Facebook, since I have so much out-of-town family and such, and grandparents will always love seeing the latest pictures. However, I’m going to create a very strict privacy filter so that only the intended audience can see them. Just my family and closest friends – my college roommate doesn’t need weekly photo updates on my baby. I might even consider creating a private group for the pictures, so that others can share “within the circle” as well. I will ask that they not share publicly, though.
If you’re willing to give in at all, that might be a good compromise. Let them share with each other, but make sure it’s not with the general public. Another way to protect your baby’s privacy is to ask that they not name her at all. Random strangers on the internet can’t do anything, really, with pictures of a random kid they can’t identify, and the pictures will never show up in search results. But once you start showing the world what this particular kid’s name is and who their family is, that’s when strangers can start putting together the pieces, and seeing where they live, who they know, etc.
Post # 8
@elliebean14: Why on earth is she so motivated to make other people look at these pictures? Does she feel good getting all the likes and the comments on her account? Will she enjoy these pictures more by making strangers look at them than if she just enjoyed them herself? Sounds kind of like she’s looking for attention, and using these baby pictures as her way.
Yes, I agree with this! During my whole pregnancy I would hear her talking or hear from other people about how excited she was and how great of an aunt she was going to be, etc. Not ONCE during my pregnancy did she ask how I was doing, how the baby was doing, if we had thought of names, etc. Not one thing. She didn’t even know when my due date was! It’s as if she wants to put on a front for people. I never thought about making a private group for pictures. That is something I could bring up to DH but I honestly don’t think he will go for it. As I said, he isn’t crazy about even me posting photos. Thanks for the idea!
Post # 9
@r_hink: One way to present the idea to him would be to point out that people REALLY REALLY want to share them, and that if you create a private group, you still have control over it and it’ll be less likely that people do it behind your back, as SIL has done. That will give them a way to share with each other, that still honors your reasons for not posting the pictures publicly – your child’s safety and identity will still be protected from the general public. Everyone kind of wins.
Just out of curiosity, what exactly are his reasons for not wanting the pictures online? I would hope that he’d be open to an alternate solution, as long as all his goals are still met.
Post # 10
@elliebean14: His main reason for not wanting people posting is because he personally does ont know everyone’s friends or followers they may have. There are some family members who add anyone who friend requests them regardless if they know that person or not. Which if that is what they want to do more power to them! It is their fb/instagram or whatever. He just doesn’t want DD all over in that way. To put it in perspective here is this little bit: SIL at one point had joined a dating website (good for her!). When it came time to meet his guy she had been talking to she was going to ask someone to keep her kids for her for the weekend to where the guy could stay at her home. She couldn’t find someone to do that so she was planning on just letting him stay for the weekend at her home with her children! I asked her if she thought that was safe and she replied, “Yeah, I know him, we’ve been texting for a couple weeks and he’s a good person.” So this is a factor as to why he feels this way. He feels like he doesn’t know who everyone’s friends are.
Like @MrsMeNow said
@ieatunicorns: First they are mine to share, second I don’t know your friends and don’t want strangers having access to my baby’s picture.
Post # 11
“I’m the aunt so I have a right to share!”
uh… actually no, you don’t. You’re the AUNT.
Post # 12
@MsJ2theZ: Thank you!! Lol.
Post # 13
@ieatunicorns: I agree- that can be annoying, but my advice would be- with technology these days, if it’s your photo and you don’t want it shared, don’t share it with anyone. While I don’t agree with it, you can save anyone’s photo off of FB. Even though I don’t like it- it’s not secret.
Post # 14
@MrsEME: This is sad, but true.
Post # 15
While I understand that your wishes were totally broken, I think you guys are forgetting that people are SUPER EXCITED for you!! Just sounds like SIL is overzealous… and is trying to live through you guys a little.
Why not make a closed FB group and invite ONLY family, so that ONLY they can see photos of the little one? I have to say I would find it rude not to get to see what my new little nephew/niece looks like. You guys could even email pictures out or something.
Post # 16
@r_hink: Proud Aunty here to a beautiful little boy! My sister and BIL also don’t have photos of my nephew on FB, nor want anyone else to post them, and that’s totally fine (they do put some photos on Instagram but have private profiles so only people they choose can see them. It is much more private than FB, where you really have limited control on who sees what – other people you’re not friends with can see comments on photos). I am very cautious about what I post on FB – even if it’s a picture of me with someone’s pet, I ALWAYS ask permission first.
What SIL did was blatantly disrespectful. She doesn’t have extra rights because she is the aunt – what the parents say is final. I can totally understand not wanting a baby’s picture plastered all over the internet, it’s about protecting the innocents who don’t have a voice, because not having pictures on there means you have control of the hands they end up in. I would be mad as hell that she feels it’s her right to share photos of your baby with anyone she pleases, especially when she was given strict instructions not to.