- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
Bees, you might remember that I recently posted about http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/i-snooped-dhs-emails-and-found-stufflong and then the update http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/update-i-snooped-dhs-emails-and-found-stufflong
Well things were going great…DH was listening to me tell him how I felt about these past things. I came to the realization that since most of this stuff happened BEFORE we were serious, I could eventually learn to trust him again…which was broken b/c he was lying to me.
The other night I couldn’t help myself and I mentioned to him that (while snooping his email) he’d sent an email to his uncle saying that Amsterdam was amazing and the red light district had “the most beautiful women in the world…think Victoria’s Secret models and Playboy playmates everywhere.” He thought it was really weird he’d sent that to his uncle that he has little contact with.
So up came the topic (I couldn’t let it rest) about his visit with a mutual guy friend to Amsterdam when we were JUST friends. Mutual friend had told me that my DH had “visited” a prostitute and he (friend) was debating it too. Ultimately, he said for religious reasons he couldn’t but that DH most definitely did….which every time the topic gets brought up, DH says he talked to/felt up the girl but couldn’t go through with it.
Well bees, I asked him again…he sat there in silence. Then he started crying and telling me that he HAD and gave all the details…I just sat there NUMB unable to say a word. My gut always told me that he had….
1) I’m not mad at him for doing that BEFORE we were together. I’m disappointed..YES but he was single (although his ex-GF in the states thought they were together but that’s another story) and he wanted the “experience.”
2) I AM upset that he lied about it…even when we were just friends and honestly, neither of us thought we’d ever hook up…EVEN after I told him mutual friend told me what happened…he continued to maintain his innocence….for over 3 years.
3) What makes me sick to my stomach is http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/would-you-let-dh-do-this-long He literally fought me tooth and nail about going on this “guys only” trip to Amsterdam AFTER we were married. Remember I said these guys weren’t going for the drugs (they are military) but for the girls. DH says the guys were saying he is p**** whipped and that he wanted to go to prove to them he wasn’t.
I asked him why he didn’t just tell those guys “Oh yeah, Amsterdam, did that when I was single, it was GREAT but now I’m married and have NO desire to do that again.” He said that would have been a great line but he kinda wanted to go THERE with just the guys….although he’s been 3 other times.
He said that I don’t trust him and how can I regain that trust if I don’t “let” him do these things…he also mentioned they always ask him about going out drinking and/or clubbing…without me and he really wants to sometimes. He thinks this is the only way I’ll ever be able to trust him again…is to let him “prove” it to me and he feels like I don’t ever give him the “opportunity” to cheat or not.
I get what he’s saying but I also feel that married men don’t purposely put themselves in these positions. Mind you most of these guys are SINGLE so it’s not like they have to answer to anyone…if you follow me.
Bees, this has taken a toll on me…I’m so numb and can’t seem to give a rat’s ass about him at the moment…I’m scared I’m checking out.
Any idea on what I should do to start healing? Do I tell him to go out and try to believe that he won’t do anything since we’re married now?