DH doesn't want to try to have a baby…

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
4601 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@becca83:  Never been through it as we are childfree, but it sounds like your DH wants to get settled into your new home before trying for another baby. Moving is stressful and having a baby is a big deal too. You do need to talk to him about what’s going on though. 

Post # 4
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would tell him “I’m really uncomfortable with waiting that long to have another child. But I would like to compromise after we move into the new house and get settled in. How do you feel about that?”

Post # 5
Member
2884 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@becca83:  edit i didnt read it properly

i think you need to sit down and talk to him. its hard, because you dont want resentment on either side obviously

what reasons did he give for wanting to wait? any tihng that will change over the next few years, or its that hes just not ready now?

Post # 9
Member
2880 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 1998

@becca83:  I think you really need to sit down and talk openly about it. Weigh up all the pros and cons.

My husband did this to me because he didn’t have the heart to tell me how much he didn’t want to have anymore children (we already had 2 boys) He just kept trying to put in off for longer. The lesson I learnt was communication is key:) Goodluck!

Post # 12
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

I’m having a hard time trying to find fault with him wanting to stabilize life before you add more mouths to feed. That seems like a RESPONSIBLE and MATURE decision to make. Sometimes life can’t happen on the timeline you’ve imagined. Sometimes you have to adjust your timeline based on what’s going on in your life. 

Post # 13
Member
2880 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 1998

@becca83:  I wasn’t ok with not having more children at the time and this caused so much pressure on both of us.

In the end I realised that his desire to not have more children was much stronger than my desire to have another. I think for us our open communication was what was key to our decision  

Goodluck I wish you all the best:)) 

Post # 14
Member
2537 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@becca83:  Is the son biologically his?  If so, did you have him prior to marriage?  Maybe your husband just doesn’t feel comfortable having more children.  What sort of sacrafices has he made?  It just sounds like he’s done but doesn’t want to tell you.

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Post # 16
Member
2537 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Brideonabudgetlauren:  Thanks.

OP: I think you just need to sit down and have a frank discussion about whether or not he wants more children.  Does he hold resentment towards your son?  Maybe he didn’t want children to begin with?  His actions scream that there’s something else to the story from his side.

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