DH is boring in bed :/ Not sure what to do?

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
2581 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

@MarryMeTiffany:  I’m sorry, but I can absolutely see why he wouldn’t want to have sex in the same room your daughter is sleeping in! That seems really wrong.

At 16 months I would have thought she was definitely old enough to have her own room. You can get a baby monitor and leave the doors open, if you’re worried about her, but I think it’s about time you moved her out of your marital bed and let your husband back in.

Post # 4
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MarryMeTiffany:  The biggest thing that jumped out to me (and I am not an expert at all) is the fact that you two have not shared a bed in 16 months, due to co-sleeping, which your husband seems to begrudge a little?!  His response of “I don’t have any kids out here with me” was quite startling from where I sit.  

Namely because the kid in question is HIS child too.  Sharing a bed, touching/holding the other person in bed can be a really intimate act.  Without that, and I say this because my FI and myself would lose a lot of intimacy if we did not do that, there may be a huge disconnect physically.

Your reasons for co-sleeping make a lot of sense, but it seems it was something you decided, and not something you both decided, which makes me wonder if he is a bit resentful of the situation.  Your child now takes up a lot of mommy time, at night, and definitely less of your time together.  And, he lost his bed (due to his own self-pity perhaps, which is silly!)

Just my .02 cents..maybe I am completely off!!  I wish you luck, but would start there if it were me!!

Post # 5
Member
694 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@chronicwhimsy:  +1 You said literally everything I was going to say…

 

@MarryMeTiffany:  Your bedroom should be an area where you and your hubby can be intimate. With your daughter there i can completely see why you havent been having sex. Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
694 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MarryMeTiffany:  hmmm just read your follow up and I misinterpreted a few things. Have you tried talking to him about it? Maybe theres something more thats bothering him and he just needs to talk it out. I read an article a little while ago about husbands feeling slightly resentful because of all the time/attention babies need from their mothers…I know it can be frustrating but I hope you guys work it out 🙂

Post # 8
Member
2581 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

@MarryMeTiffany:  I beg to differ – even having sex with a baby in the room at all would be extremely uncomfortable. Especially a baby who is over a year old, who is much more aware and can sit and watch you! It feels extremely inappropriate to me, and I expect to your husband too.

 

If she is still nursing at night, why can’t you express milk and have it ready for her for a night feed? Clearly your husband isn’t okay with having the baby in the room or he wouldn’t be sleeping on the sofa.

 

Post # 11
Hostess
9919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MarryMeTiffany:  I’m sorry, and I’m going to be blunt, but I think the problem is pretty clear.  You’ve basically told him that co-sleeping with your daughter is more important that sleeping with him.  By not recognizing and acknowledging his discomfort with your co-sleeping, you’re dismissing his feelings.  You are expecting him to change completely to adapt to what is convenient and comfortable to you, while completely ignoring his needs and comfort level.

Post # 12
Member
2581 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

@MarryMeTiffany:  That’s fine, but I think there are clearly issues that aren’t being helped by having your daughter in your bedroom, which you are going to have to address eventually.

Post # 13
Member
4641 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Stop sleeping with your daughter. Its very clear thats the issue.

You’d prefer to sleep with her instead of your husband. That’s a problem. You do whatever you need to do to keep yourself and your daughter comfortable, but what about him?

Post # 14
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MarryMeTiffany:  You need to get your child in her own room and your husband back into yours. This is something that will have to be addressed with your daughter sooner or later anyway (sooner the better to be honest – she can’t sleep with you forever), and I think you will find the sex problem may start to solve itself just by fixing the sleeping situation in your house.

Post # 15
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I would be weaning that child and putting her in her own room. She’s certainly old enough. I wouldn’t worry about the hot and spicy stuff; I would focus on scheduling sex and getting the frequency up for now as well as establishing a routine of cuddling.

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