(Closed) DH is driving me crazy

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Breathe through the nose and exhale through the mouth. It seems you have a lot on your plate to deal with. Though I’m not in your particular situation, I do understand what its like to have a SO that doesn’t pull through with all his chores. My fiance is the same way. I hate to constantly mention it to him for all the things he doesn’t do or does half-assed bc he thinks I’m nagging (which I am) but also bc I hate to nag. We were having major blow out fights on this bc with me working full time and him working part time and going to school for the remainder, I’m just as tired as he is at the end of the day if not more so, and I track all our bills and social calendar!

What I found that helps both of us is the night before, I will write out a “to-do” list for my fiance to do the next day. Though I can handle a lot of tasks from memory bc I’m so used to it, it’s so easy for me to forget that my fiance isn’t used to them. With a to-do list with notes on it, he can read through them and it’ll walk him through for the most part. Also we split chores to reflect our strong suits. He does the majority of the cooking bc he’s a great cook. Since I can’t cook, I clean. He washes laundry, and I fold them. With a list with written steps, it’ll be hard for him to claim he doesn’t remember when it’s written down and taped onto the cabinet!

Lastly, as for the weight aspect, if you think he won’t have any will power to not snack, get rid of the unhealthy snacks. Overloading on healthy snacks may not be great either but it’ll be better than the processed items. Try to incorporate more exercise in both your everday life. My fiance and I go for daily walks in the morning and use that time to catch up with each other. 

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Honestly, I don’t know how to help with the chores part. DH cannot keep the house clean to my standards, so I do most of the cleaning anyway.

But with the food stuff, if I were you, I’d do all the grocery shopping by myself.  If he goes out and buys junk food on his own, that’s his deal.  But by you doing the grocery shopping by yourself, you can control what comes into the house. 

It’s a lot of work to put on yourself, and I’m sorry DH is not helping out.  But if it were me, I probably would have told him that instead of treating him like a baby (like his parents obviously did), you are treating him like the adult and husband he should be.  I really hope things get better!

Post # 5
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

a few things (my sister has schizo effective disorder–similar to schizophrenia)

1) she works, or goes to school…..always has, and rarely doesn’t (unless she’s ended up going off her meds)…so i’m interested as to why your DH doesn’t do SOMETHING rather than just sitting at home…socializing helps my sister a lot

2) the medication your DH is on could be part of his weight gain problem…my sister gained weight when she went on them

3) There is also a chance that the meds are causing him to forget certain things….

4) I’m pretty lazy when I don’t work…lol…so I can’t say much (I don’t work in the summer)

5) my sister’s son has recently been “diagnosed” with schizophrenia type symptoms (not sure what the official diagnosis is)…he refuses treatment but uses his “illness” as an excuse for his behaviour…..a 26 year old living in his mom’s house and going through school part time is just sad to me

I’m not sure what type of advice to give…I personally work with people with disabilities (including some with mental health problems) and I don’t “do” excuses….everything is about choices (but i would check with his doctor about the side effects of his meds)…..does your DH also go to counseling?  This sometimes helps with motivation issues….

Post # 7
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

First off (( HUGS ))

Second off, You are not his Parent… You are his Partner (BIG Difference)

As his Married Partner you signed on “For Better, for worse… In Sickness, and in Health” so ya things aren’t 100% the way you want them to be (who’s realtionship is)… yours is what it is.  Period.

Hopefully you two love each other FOR WHO YOU ARE… that is the most important aspect.

In the big scheme of life, housework is a major [email protected] for most of us… and at the end of life, NO ONE is gonna care how many loads of laundry you did, or whether your sink was clean

That said, living with someone and housework can certainly gain more popularity / notariety than it is worth

Either find a way to work it (Fly Lady is one great solution… http://www.flylady.net ) or hire a Housekeeper to come in and help you out

As for the weight issue… that really is his to choose.  You can pick what foods to bring into the house, but you cannot control what he eats (be it quantity, or ordering in etc).  Not ideal for sure… but it is what it is.  Marriage is NEVER about controlling the way another person thinks, it is totally about compromise and UNDERSTANDING what another person thinks, even if it is something you disagree with.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 8
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I also recommend watching “a beautiful mind”…..it really helps to understand things…and it’s a true story….what type of schizophrenia does your DH have?

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