(Closed) DH is freaking out b/c I'm NOT freaking out

posted 5 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
6702 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Baby boy 12/2015

@sn2bmrsmntgmry:  Since you still have some time, my suggestion would be to not mention about the house for a while. Let him calm down and wait to see what he says. By reading your comment, seems like you guys have so much going on, house and TTC, which is all good. Is your DH more interested in having kids than a house? I didn’t quite got that from what you wrote. If that’s the case, maybe he is more concerned about not being able to handle both things house and kids about the same time. If you feel rushed to have babies, have you considered having one then getting the house? 

I know, this might not sound like a very good advice. Talk to him and try to understand his concerns. Hope all turns out well for you.

Post # 4
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would start tracking your expenses, figure out how much you need for kids, write it down on paper so he can see it.

Don’t forget that often the cheaper houses need more repairs, not just paint but electric, plumbing, etc.

Post # 6
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Once he starts looking he’ll probably start feeling different. Also talking to a lender might help so you have an idea of payments. Maybe set up a budget that you would have if you bought at the price you’re thinking so he can see you’ll be ok. But you can tell him my husband is freaking out enough for everyone on this board buying a house. I swear it’s exhausting and makes me feel stressed. I think he wishes I would stress more, but one of us has to be sane. And we’ve already got a contract on a house we’re building.

Post # 7
Member
2580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

When we first started looking, DH was back and forth about how much money we should spend/how much house we should get. He also freaked out a little bit about how we were going to afford it (even though like in your case, there was really no reason to worry).

I agree with the PP who said write it all out–make a monthly budget and see how a house payment would fit in. It’s a good idea to talk to a lender about what you can afford and what you’d pay per month with current interest rates. It was important to us that we could theoretically afford the payment on just one income in the case that either of us ever lost our jobs.

We ended up spending about $25,000 more than we initially thought (still way below our preapproval) but with current interest rates, our monthly payment will be the same as our friends who bought a house $25,000 less expensive a few years back–it is a good time to buy! That said, buying a house is one of the biggest expenses/debts you’ll ever take on and it’s normal to freak out a bit, but hopefully once he sees it laid out on paper it will be more clear that you may not have to drastically change your lifestyles to buy a house.

Post # 9
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@sn2bmrsmntgmry:  We bought a house well below our means, and it was a good decision. Its so nice to know that if something happens (like basement flooding, etc) we can afford to just fix it.

Post # 10
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Is he a numbers guy? I’m a numbers girl. I needed to see our income, projected cost of living raises, debt payments, average daycare costs for the area, taxes, insurance, other bills, and THEN the ranges for the mortgage payments on homes in areas we would consider, and then compare THAT to the cost of renting, and the average rental price increase over the next 10 years or so factored in.

Maybe he just needs some hard facts instead of a “people do this all the time, it’ll be fine”. I know telling me everything will be ok without providing any evidence to that fact just pisses me off.

Post # 11
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My DH has done this too.  We talked around a budget, looked at some houses, upped the budget, looked at a few more (casually), then he’ll freak out about costs and suggest moving to Kansas where my brother is buying a 3 bed/3 bath home for 161K.  Then a few days later he suggests something out of our budget range.  He too thinks we can’t afford kids+a house sometimes.  Crunching the numbers defintely will help.  And try not to stress if he’s freaking out (but really does agree to a budget).  And – maybe you need to figure out how to have a lower budget, such as by having a smaller house you can put an addition onto later (when he feels more finally secure).  It’s tough!  It’s a biiig purchase.  Also, perhaps remind him that it’s a purchase yes, but also an investment – he can sell it later and move into a smaller house in retirement.

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