Post # 1
We aren’t TTC yet, but we’ve talked about it. DH is totally on board with having kids, but he’s not really excited about it. It’s not like he’s not looking forward to it, he just has kind of a “whatever” attitude about it.
I’m wondering if anyone else’s husband was like this? Maybe it’s how a lot of guys are? Did their attitude change?
I’m hoping that when the time does come, and we’re expecting a baby, he’ll show some emotion and be excited. I just wish that he was more excited now when we talk about the future.
Post # 2
MrsGatito: My FI is the same way. We are not TTC yet, but I can’t wait til we are and he’s so negative about kids right now. All our friends have babies and I LOVE spending time with them, FI looks at it as a chore and often comments how “thank god that’s not us” or something. It’s discouraging!!!
Post # 3
BurlapnLace: That is so frustrating! I’m lucky that DH isn’t negative, he’s just not excited.. I talk about TTC and his response is a like a shrug or “it’ll be fun to try” but nothing about the baby. But then he’s not usually one to get excited about the future, now that I think about it. He’s more of an ‘in the moment’ kind of guy. That’s probably the reason.
I just hope when I’m pregnant, he’ll get excited then. I don’t want to go through the whole pregnancy being the only one excited when the baby kicks or hearing it’s heartbeat, etc.
Post # 4
My DH was the same way, honestly I think he could have gone either way on having kids. We’ve only very recently started NTNP, and that was the first time he ever really showed some true excitement about it. I think maybe it needs to be more “real” for them to really get amped up about it. Of course he thinks the whole “trying” part is fun too, haha.
Post # 5
I don’t think that’s out of the ordinary at all. I wasn’t even that excited about babies before we had ours, and DH and I both think she’s just awesome. We still aren’t huge fans of other people’s children.
Post # 6
I think them not being all that enthusiastic is common. Its a big change and all the cons are far more obvious than the pro’s until the pro is sitting in your arms gurgling. I watched a science show that looked and male behaviour when it comes to children. They are kind of programmed not to like any…until they get thier own. So its not suprising that they are less enthusiastic to start with. My OH looks terrified if someone tries to put a child anywhere near him, looks at new babies and goes urgh. Hopefully he will lighten up by the time we get one.
Post # 7
MrsGatito: This may seem like an obvious question, but did you guys talk about if he actually wanted children? Maybe he feel like you guys aren’t financially or emotionally ready? Kids are a huge responsibility and the first few years are super hard (from what I’ve heard.) It makes sense to me that he wouldn’t be jumping for joy.
Post # 8
MrsGatito: My husband and I were just the opposite, he was excited about the possibility of having kids and I was pretty much CBC. When we first found out I was pregnant, I was nervous, anxious and distraught while he was trying to contain his excitement. However, as things progressed, I eventually got more enthusiastic about the idea, especially after seeing them during the ultrasounds. I think it’s different when you have your own kids, you can’t help but get excited.
Post # 9
princesslettuce14: Yes we’ve talked about it many times. I feel like we’re financially and emotionally ready, but it’s just not the ‘right time’ yet. We have a few things we want to take care of beforehand (house projects), and then we feel the need for time to ourselves to be lazy and relax without feeling guilty.
LilLis: That’s kind of what I was thinking. You hear about women who have baby fever all the time, but it’s not so common to hear about men having it (Not unheard of though).
He also doesn’t have much experience around babies (I don’t think he’s ever held one) so I’m sure that probably plays a part as well.
Post # 10
housebee: That’s good to know. I hope he’ll be excited during the ultrasounds and other moments of pregnancy. Only time will tell!
Post # 11
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!
My DH is the same way. We had a small talk over the weekend about kids. I kind of have this 5 year timeline in my head, thinking 5 years from now I’ll hopefully be established in my career and we will be at an emotional/financial place where we are ready to have a kid. DH is less optimistic about it – he doesn’t get excited over babies and said that he was a “shitty kid” (gave his mom hell) and he knows that we’ll probably (in his words) “end up having a shitty kid.” UGH. That annoys me to no end because it makes me feel like he’s not excited to have a family with me. We still have a lot to talk about it seems…
Post # 12
I don’t think that’s uncommon at all. My DH is ready to TTC (we’re starting next month) and ready to move on to that next stage of our life, but I wouldn’t say he’s excited. He’s said many times that he doesn’t like kids in general, but he’ll love ours. I’ve also heard that it can take them awhile to feel connected, even once you’re pregnant (so don’t be alarmed if you get a BFP and he’s not suddenly all gooey over babies!) – the whole idea that a woman becomes a mother as soon as she sees the positive test, but a man doesn’t become a father until the baby is born. I know that doesn’t apply to every person, but it makes sense (it’s easier to bond and feel like it’s really real when you feel the baby moving around inside of you).
Post # 13
When you put your baby into his arms, he will fall in love immediately. A lot of men don’t get excited over theoretical babies, it’s normal.
Post # 14
MrsGatito: My DH has a child from his first marriage. When we talk about babies, he’s not bouncing off the wall, but he loves his child SO MUCH. I see it when he plays with him, when he’s beaming with pride over something he does or when he gets emotional about something concerning him. He’s also told me he cried when he was born (awwww) and he stayed home with him for the first year and LOVED IT.
My husband doesn’t get excited (unlike me) about much. Is your husband normally laid back? I’m kind of high strung so I get excited about everything. My husband does not. I decided to just let him be with how he is and trust when he says he wants children with me. Don’t mistake lack of outward emotion to distort the truth of your relationship.
Tell your family or gf’s when you start TTC. They will have plenty of excitement!
Post # 15
it is not that DH wasn’t excited but i knew he wasn’t ready when we started to TTC. he is great with kids, adores his 3 neices, and i know he will make an excellent father.
we started TTC right after we got married. on cycle 7, DH had a revelation that we was finally ready to be a father. so hopefully soon, we can make that happen.