Post # 1
Ok Bees heres my dilemma. Darling Husband and I moved in with my parents in February, of this year, to help save for our wedding (which was in September) and to save money so we can purchase our first home together. Now the trouble first started with saving for the wedding. We figured out a budget based on each of our incomes and agreed to deposit a set amount of money into our saving account each month. I do make a little more money than Darling Husband so I budget to put away more money than him. SO we figured I’d put away $1000 a month and he would put away $500. From February until September I managed to come up with a little over $10,000 for the wedding (between my saving I already had and the money I saved). My Darling Husband $1400!! I mean really??? I was just happy that I was able to cover all expenses so I just let him off the hook.
So now here we are saving for a home. I asked him the other day how much he has put away for our home since the wedding, he said $100. I mean Bees, this man barely has any bills to pay! He lives with my parents, RENT FREE, he does have a small car payment and insurance, no credit card debt, no school loans, and he does cover $90/week for our sons daycare. He makes very good money and I just dont understand where it is all going. When I confront him about it all I get is “I have bills too!” I just dont know what to do anymore. I feel like he doesnt want this as bad as I do. I guess Im just tired of all the stress always being on my shoulders. And to top it off, Im miserable living with my parents and he says he is too! So why isnt he doing anything to help our situation?? Any advice would be appreciated.
Post # 3
This may be mean advice, but have you thought about renting? Nothing like paying rent in a crummy place to get the SO to man up and start saving. Right now, he has it easy. Forcing him to face realities of what it would be like if you weren’t living with your parents might force him to divy up some more.
Post # 5
Now that you are married it may be time to discuss combining finances and having you pay the bills and distribute spending money each week that each of you can spend on whatever you want no questions asked.
He hasnt had to answer for his saving habits (or lack thereof) because you bailed him out last time. But by setting up a system where you both can see what each person is spending then there is an accountability.
Start here and see how it works for a few months. If it doesnt, then its time to sit and have another conversation about what will work. IE he has his own checking and debit card that you put his portion of “spend how you want” money in it, but doesnt carry around credit cards.
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
1. Why did you “let him off the hook”? You essentially gave him the green light to continue the behavior that you don’t like.
2. Where is his money going? Does he even know? Has he ever saved up for anything before? Is he prone to impulsiveness/unable to plan ahead? What is his current level of financial savvy?
3. It’s time for a hard talk about financial goals, sharing financial information, mutual accountability, etc. Maybe he doesn’t really want to buy a house. maybe he has no clue how much money houses cost. Maybe he has some sort of fina ncial issue that you don’t know about. The only way to know is to talk to him.
Post # 7
You’re married to him with a child- you should be able to sit down with him and go over both of your finances to see where the money is going and create a budget. Also— are you married and living in separate homes? That’s not healthy, especially if parents are causing stress.
Post # 8
You probably need to combine your monies at this point. At least have a combined account for saving for a house. Have the money direct deposited from both your paychecks into this account. What you have leftover can be used to pay the bills you currently have.
If you don’t do something you’ll be living with your parents for ever…at least he will.
Post # 9
I just want to make a suggestion of an automatic deduction into savings. I’m not great with saving money but the automatic movement of money helps tons!
Post # 10
@jpalm13: that is a good suggestion! I always forget to suggest it
We have a certain % of our checks go automaticall to a savings account and the rest to the checking which pays for our day to day stuff.
Post # 11
@MrsDavis0929: Do you have a monthly budget? That would help you to see where the money is going. It would also help you guys take some of the arguing out if you have an agreed upon monthly plan.
Post # 13
This is what I’m afraid married life with my Fiance will be like. I need some advice too! Fiance said he was saving for months and months for my ring…come to find out he didn’t save a dime and bought me a $100 ring (we agreed upon a less than $500 moissy that he SAID he was saving for) I had to buy my own engagement ring and wedding bands and make him pay payments to me every week. We need to put $600 down on our wedding venue and I told him he needs to find $600 by next saturday, I don’t care how he gets it, bc I’m the one paying for all of the wedding. Mind you, just like your husband, he has no bills besides his cell phone, child support, and he lives with his grandma. I own my own home, pay all my bills, and still manage to save $1000/mo. My guess is this is never going to get any better for us but I hope someone who has been in the same situation has a success story!!
Post # 14
I would sit him down and talk with him about how frustrated you are that you can save but he seems to think he can’t. Ask him if he really wants a house? Maybe he doesn’t want to “own”, maybe he doesn’t want the responsibility of owning, where he has to spend money on repairs and buying appliances if they break down, shovelling the driveway, cutting grass, paying land taxes etc….so having a discussion will help out with how HE views things.
Post # 15
Like some PPs said, have you thought about combining money/finances? We do this, so it’s not like Darling Husband saves some of his pay and I save some of mine. We take our combined pay as a whole and decide together how much of *our* money goes where.
Post # 16
Savers marry spenders, it’s the way it works….he probably has no idea where it all goes either. I assure you he’s not doing this to irritate you at all. Have him use a finance app that tracks what he spends where and review it together after a month. If he uses the app, he’ll settle down on blowing his money, but don’expect perfection from him, old habits die hard and like it or love it, you are now for better or worse married to it.