Post # 1
Bees, I have a confession. I’m considering finding out the sex of the baby and not telling my DH. Here’s a little backstory:
DH is Team Green all the way. Even before we were married, I knew he didn’t want to find out the sex when we did get pregnant. I could’ve gone either way, but since it was one of the few things he was so adament about, I jumped on board and really started to like the idea too.
Fast forward to our 20 week appointment. We went together and didn’t find out. Although I’ll admit it was really hard when I asked the tech if she knew (she said yes), but we held strong. Since then it’s like all I can think about. I’m jealous as friends (who are due behind us) are finding out and I am still in the dark. I’m also starting to get worried that I will have “gender regret” as I have in my mind it is one gender and I’m afraid I’ll be disspointed if it is the other sex. I HATE admitting that, I know a healthy baby is the only thing that matters, but it’s just part of the anxiety I feel and feelings I can’t get rid of. I don’t want those feelings at the birth.
So, that brings me to the point I’m at. In 2 weeks I have to go in again (by mself) for another U/S to check on my placenta. I could find out then; however I’m not sure if that makes me the worse wife ever. I know I absolutely would NOT tell anyone and NOT let on to my DH that I know (trust me 100% on this), but does that make me horrible or really deceitful? I just want to know… not to buy anything, not to decorate a certain way, not to even tell anyone….I just want to know for my own self. I’m also hoping knowing would help me connect with my pregnancy a little more. Like maybe this would make it feel more real or something as I don’t really feel an emotional attachment to the baby and I’m not a fan of being pregnant (as grateful as I am to be though).
Would you ever secretly find out the sex if your DH really wanted you guys to be Team Green?
Post # 3
DH wants to be team green but I want to know– I don’t think I could keep it a secret.
I think you have just as much a right to know as your DH doesn’t want to know, so I’d go for it!
Post # 4
But, I would probably tell your DH that you do know, but that you will keep it a secret.
Post # 5
I would have a hard time buying gender neutral things if I knew the sex of the baby. (It would be hard to buy yellows and greens when I know I could be buying pinks or blues). I would probably slip up and say something like “I can’t wait to see him/her”
Post # 7
I would talk to him about how you’re feeling. I don’t think I could ever keep a secret like that from my husband! And you might feel really guilty afterwards. Let me know you’re considering finding out and see if he is okay with that… who knows, he might be anxious to find out too! or he might be totally okay with you knowing, as long as he doesn’t know!
Edit: Let HIM know, not me. you already let me know with this post ; )
Post # 8
I think your DH needs to know how you’re feeling. This is much deeper than “he doesn’t want to know and I do.” There are some legitimate concerns that your DH should be supportive of (connecting with the pregnancy…etc).
Hopefully by talking to him and laying out your reasons for wanting to know, you can come to a compromise without having to hide the fact that you know from him.
P.S. I’m Team Green, and if I knew the gender at all, it would be VERY hard for me to keep it 100% secret. I would be so tempted to buy an adorable gender-specific outfit or would accidently refer to it as a gender in conversation. It would all be subconscious, but I know it would slip out eventually.
Post # 9
I would have a hard time not starting to refer to the baby as “him” or “her”. It would be too easy to slip up.
Post # 10
@MadTownGirl: I totally get how you feel. If I wanted to know the sex, but DH didn’t – I would explain to him that it’s unfair that I stay in the dark when I want to know but I wouldn’t ask that he find out because that would be unfair too.
So, no I wouldn’t keep it a secret that I know what the baby is, but I wouldn’t tell him what the baby is to respect his wishes. Does that make sense? 😛
I would ask if it’s OK with my husband knowing that I know before I go and find out…if that makes sense haha. I am confusing myself.
Post # 11
I think you should talk with him about it. Let him know that you’re having a difficult time connecting with the pregnancy. If he doesn’t come around, put your foot down and remind him that you’re carrying the baby, so at the end of the day what you say goes!
Post # 12
As someone who is 25 weeks along I would find out if I were you. I don’t think it makes you a bad wife. I would be dying to know too!
Post # 13
@fiver: “I think you have just as much a right to know as your DH doesn’t want to know” – That’s the rationale I keep telling myself to feel better! LOL 🙂 If I tell him I’m going to find out, he’ll for sure make me promise not to as he’d watch for every little thing I say and then figure it out. Right now I interchange between he/she (mostly he as I keep telling him I’m convinced it’s a boy) so if it is a boy then I wouldn’t have to change much, but if it’s a girl then I have to really watch myself and still keep saying “he.” Although if he thinks we both don’t know then he really wouldn’t pay attention or notice regardless of what I said.
@IzzyBear: We’re not doing a nursery and I don’t currently have any interest in shopping (I think that stems back to it still not seeming real to me) so I’m not too worried about that. I’m just worried about switching up what I do/say now. He thinks it’s a girl and I think it’s a boy so we’ve already been throwing both around a lot, mostly “he” from me with “she” every now and then, so I’d have to make sure I still did that if it’s a girl. 🙂
Post # 14
I wouldn’t find out secretly. I feel like that’s deceitful. I would talk to him about how you want to know the sex, but that doesn’t mean he has to. I’m going to be honest, it seems almost impossible to not have a slip and refer to the baby as “s/he or him/her” after you know the sex.
Post # 15
I couldn’t do it because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. If you are good at keeping secrets, and your husband doesn’t mind, I don’t see a problem with it.
Post # 16
I wouldn’t find out secretly either (although I’m not going to lie, the thought crossed my mind!!!). Now, I can’t wait for that moment when we find out together. I will also say it was a LOT harder to not find out in the beginning (weeks 14-22 I was dying to know). Now that I’m 33 weeks, I’m so glad I waited. I feel like it will be such a great bonding experience for us as a family. Have you felt baby kick yet? I think that really helped me feel connected to our baby.