DH sending me mixed signals about TTC….

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
4440 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Charlies_Angel:  You had a post just before this, I would stick to what I original would have said and say that this is a mutual agreement for the rest of your lives.  Wait it out, it’s not that long and let yourself get intune with your body off BC anyways.  It doesn’t magically happen on the first time you try, in most cases, so I would let it go and stop stressing yourself out over less than a month.

Post # 6
Member
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

I would cease all unprotected acts until you are both on the same page. Maybe that means using condoms until you get on BCP again, or using condoms until you both have a clear view of when you’re both ready to TTC. It sucks that he is saying one thing and literally doing another, but having a baby is a massive step– and in the long run, it is only fair to you, him and the future baby for you two to communicate when you’re comfortable trying. This is why timelines aren’t and really can’t be so concrete that there’s no room for a change in pace. I would re-evaluate and go into it with an open mind. It will be beneficial to both of you if you take a second look at it, and try to be as open minded and flexible as possible.

Post # 7
Member
4440 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Charlies_Angel:  Sorry, the context of my post was basically to say to not stress out about it…but in answering your OP, I would remind him of what the “agreement” was, and gauge his reaction and expression carefully. 

 

Post # 10
Member
4440 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Charlies_Angel:  Also, not only just “gauging” how he feels and looks , but you need to then have a serious talk with him again in maybe a positive way (as to not in-directly offend him like the drinking issue may have) and tell him you BOTH need to be on the same page, as PP has said…And that you are willing to use protection until October.

Post # 11
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

I don’t really have a similar experience, but I’ll say that when it comes to sex, guys usually feel differently when they’re naked and ready to go than when they’re not aroused.  He probably said he wanted to do the pullout method because he was thinking about TTC.  But then once you were getting it on, it simply wasn’t worth the effort to him.  I could be wrong.  But that’s what I think happened.  I’d just keep doing what you’re doing.  If he pulls out next time (or doesn’t), I wouldn’t make a big deal about it either way.

Post # 12
Member
2325 posts
Buzzing bee

@Charlies_Angel:  My DH has been doing the same thing for the past two months, even though I know he is less ready than me, but I also know he would be happy if it happened. I think honestly its just his way of “testing the waters”, and he refers to “winging it” versus “trying”. Sometimes he uses a condom now, sometimes he doesn’t. Since I know we would both be happy and fine if it happened, and I’m more ready than him, I let him do what he feels comfortable with. I think the first time I mentioned it to him just to make sure he was aware, and that’s when he referred to it as winging it. Since you’re only talking about a month of time, and constantly bringing up an already done deal between you two might cause unneeded stress, I would just go with the flow. I am saying this assuming your husband knows you went off of BCP, of course. While you wait, you could start to get an idea of your cycle, when you ovulate, etc. so when the time really comes, you will be well informed!

Post # 13
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Charlies_Angel:  ask your husband he’s the only one who can answer your questions 

Post # 14
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

@Charlies_Angel:  “And then he tells me things like if we got pregnant right now he would be totally okay with it.  So that is why I am really confused.  It’s either you do or you don’t want to start now.”


My husband has said similar things in the past.  We both know we 100% want kids.  We haven’t started TTC yet.  We only just got married this April.  I could be ready to start trying now.  He wants to wait a little.  We haven’t decided on a timeframe ’cause I don’t want him (or me) to feel pressure about it.  I found out yesterday that they discontinued my birth control pill!  I’m not really willing to try another one.  I told my DH that I’m going to go off the pill.  He said that’s fine, we’ll use condoms and if I get pregnant, then it won’t be a big deal.  That doesn’t mean he wants to start trying now, it means he will support me if it happens.

I think your DH saying that he’d be okay with it is him saying that he loves you and will support you in any situation.  It doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants to start trying for a baby right this second.  If he has said that he 100% wants to have children with you, then trust that he means it.  He’ll tell you when he’s ready.  Don’t add pressure and stress to your relationship by talking it to death.

Post # 15
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I would say “You know there is a possibilty of me getting pregnant when that happens. I just want to make sure you are ok with that outcome, or we should do something different until you are ready.” I think this is one of those topics you both need to be clear where you stand before it happens.

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