DH wants his good female friend to be Godmother..but I can't stand her!

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

@MrsSmokey:  You should both like the godmother of your child.  Godparents are typically close, trustworthy family members or beloved friends of the couple.  If you don’t like her and aren’t close to her, she should not even be considered.

Post # 4
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

That’s a decision you should both be in total agreement with. If you don’t want her as your child’s godmother, he should understand that and not push it, and definitely not get upset about it. I wouldn’t give in either if I were in your place.

Do you think she may not like you because she has feelings for your husband?

Post # 5
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Ew. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. This would not fly with me. Even if I was okay with female friends, this would not work.

Post # 6
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MrsSmokey:  Yeah, both mom and ad get veto power when it comes to godparents. No arguing. No hurt feelings, Just “I don’t think so and so is the best fit to care for our child in our absense. Let’s keep looking”

 

That’s it.

Post # 7
Member
3084 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@MrsSmokey:  do you have a sister? Or does he? Can you suggethrone of them if you do? 

Post # 8
Member
7197 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsSmokey:  Just say no. Tell him what you’ve told us here. Godparents need to be agreed upon. Tell him if he’s silly enough to ask her, he’ll be doing some backtracking in the future.

Post # 9
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Say no. Be clear. I would not want to name someone who is actively negative or disrespectful of my spouse a Godparent to any of our future children.

Question: Are you using the term “Godparent” to mean a person who you choose to be responsible for your child’s spiritual guidance, or to mean a “legal guardian” (someone who would raise your child in case the unthinkable happened)?

Post # 10
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MrsSmokey: Sorry you’re in ths situation 🙁 

What I don’t get is the fact your DH knows you aren’t comfortable around her yet he’s still going to go to dinner alone without you??! Tell me he’s not…

Post # 11
Member
3032 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Seems other people are different, but my mom is godparent to people’s kids she doesn’t talk to anymore.  It’s not a bad thing, but is their any godparent duties she has? or is just a prestige thing?  Maybe it’s cultural, but I know numerous godparents who aren’t involved/don’t live close/don’t have any involvement w/ their godkid.  If it’s just a title thing maybe you should just go with it and she can fall off later on.

Post # 12
Member
6502 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Baby boy 12/2015

@MrsSmokey:  I agree with other ppl, you don’t have to accept someone to be your child’s godparent if you don’t like that person. Just say it! I always find strange when someone has a friend of the opposite sex that doesn’t get along with his/her partner. Sorry to say this, but this sounds fishy!

Post # 13
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsSmokey:  you both should agree in godparents. If you can’t though, you can always have 2 god mothers! He picks one and you pick one. I’m a god mother to a hold with 2 god fathers. 

 

Post # 14
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

You both should agree on the godparent. That being said I think it is highly unfiar to request she never even see or be around the baby. If you don’t want to withhold her friendship from DH, that is unlikely to happen. However, as I said, I completely agree that you guys should pick the godmother together, someone you both trust and love (keep in mind you can have 2 godmothers if you can’t decide).

 

 

 

Post # 15
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My husband then tells me this morning that she has organised dinner for wednesday night, but only with him… 

This right here says that she has little to no interest in his family (which is you, at the moment) – why would you want someone who doesn’t care about your wife to hold a position that suggests she cares about your child?


As a side note – DH and I both have close opposite-gender friends, but when they invite us out, it’s always open to both of us. We may not always both go (schedule or just not interested), but to clearly invite only him is a problem in my mind.

Post # 16
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsSmokey:  I think you should get ultimate veto with godparents, as should he. But I also think individual friendships should be able to continue as such through relationships & marriage, no matter the genders involved. Always having to hang out the three of you will smother out a friendship. I know that is what you want, but I don’t think she is out of line for inviting him to hang out alone. If you aren’t comfortable with that, that’s between your DH and you, but the invite doesn’t make her a horrible slag (tho she might be anyway.)

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