DH's BFF's EX-GF RANT! (long!!!)

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Why did BFF accept her re-friend request? He needs to block her and shut her out of his life. Easier said than done sometimes, but he might need to be told that.

Since BFF is the host of his sister’s party, in my opinion he didn’t need to invite the ex. (If ex wants to see little sis, she can see her another time). But yeah, being there for moral support for him is a good idea.

Post # 3
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

aussiemum1248:  I agree! accepting the friend request and inviting the ex to the party goes above and beyond “being a bigger person” and starts to look like wanting to stir the drama pot.

It’s ok for you to be mad at your friend’s ex if she has been acting like a jerk, but at the same time, maybe you should advise your friend to cut her out of his life completely if he wants the drama to end.

Post # 4
Member
876 posts
Busy bee

Stay out of it. You don’t know their relationship, you only know his side of it. And he’s the guy who willingly dated *a raging alcoholic* for two years.

Post # 5
Member
245 posts
Helper bee

Sorry but you are not part of their relationship, I find it strange that you are so involved with your husbands friends personal life, he’s a grown man and I’m sure he can make his own decisions about who he chooses to date, she probably knows him better than you do. Oh and referring to his partner of 2 years who he lived with as a raging alcoholic is beyond rude.

Post # 6
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

To be honest if my partner,whom i lived with,didnt show up home after a night out,id have gone batshit crazy too.Yes obviously i wouldnt want him to drink and drive but it seems no-one bothered to let her know? 

Just because a couple live together it doesnt mean he can be out spending all his time with his family

Raging alcoholic?Your opinion or fact? Because one fact thats clear is that he was with her for 2 years,lived together and was clearly in no rush to end the relationship

I think this is a definite case of ”two sides to every story” here and so i would strongly suggest staying well clear

Post # 7
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Yes, some of her behaviors might not sound the most mature — but neither is not coming home. Just because your husband’s friend chooses to celebrate, it doesn’t mean that he can’t also choose to be responsible about it: Drink less, go home early, whatever. Having lower expectations because she’s “just the girlfriend” doesn’t fly if they’re serious enough to be living together. She’s the one who deals with him on an everyday basis and has seen both his good AND bad sides, whereas all you see is whatever he chooses to present to you out in public.

Speaking of which, how are you “pretty good friends” with this guy? You said that “during the wedding” — which happened exactly a month ago — you “formed [your] own cool friendship.” Sorry, but the last time I was suddenly “pretty good friends” with somebody after only a month was elementary school.

Frankly, you need some boundaries. It isn’t really your business, and you are incredibly pissed off on behalf of someone that you don’t know very well. And talking about his significant other (at the time) the way that you do? I’m surprised she wasn’t also pissed at you and your husband. I sure would be if I were her. If either of you has ever said anything to your husband’s friend, or in any way given the impression that you don’t really care for her, then you’ve actively interfered in their relationship.

Post # 8
Member
5289 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

Agree with PP you should stay out of it.  There’s two sides to every story and you only have his. Your friend is a grown adult capable of making his own choices and defending himself.  You two being so involved sounds too high school to me.

Post # 9
Member
527 posts
Busy bee

aussiemum1248:  + 1, and then some!

When you re-friend on Facebook, you are virtually saying, “step back into my life”. 

stronger-now1:  It would be interesting to know how OP can determine this girl has a drinking problem. Also, if the boyfriend touched base after the bachelor to say he wouldn’t be home. However, if the girl is a little crazy, I agree with aussiemum1248.

Post # 10
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Some PP are right about some things and then there are others I disagree with. In this situation yes it is a bit one sided but with typing and trying to shorten a long story facts get missed out. First off if he didn’t call home to tell his EX he was staying over then yes she had right to get mad…but if he did he was respectful enough and she knew where he was (some ppl would still be mad and felt he should’ve come home just IMO)… On a everyday/habit situation yes honestly it would piss me off but if this isn’t a normal situation and if he did let her know I personally wouldn’t see it as a huge problem.

Another thing is you can form a friendship on a month. There were some of FI friends who I would only talk to when were together I didn’t see them much otherwise but a friend of FI and I ended up in the same class at school and build our own friendship from there we already knew each other but it was always in association with FI but now we have our own friendship…she may have known the friend for years but in recent time really got to know him outside of being DH friend and is now a friend of her’s not just DH.

Also fact of the matter is no matter what she (the EX) did/is doing or is acting isn’t anyone business even your friend (not trying to be mean just what I personally believe)…the day they broke up she was no longer his problem and vice versa. I personally wouldn’t have accepted her friend request after i was blocked, but I do feel like he is the bigger person inviting her to his sister’s going away party because he shouldn’t let his personal feelings get in the way if his sister and EX still have a good relationship. You sound like the kind of friend I am and only wants what best for the people you care about and to some ppl it may seem that you are getting into something you shouldn’t. Be there for him but don’t look for any trouble enjoy the party and stay away from the drama.

Post # 11
Member
2688 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

meowmeow071914:  My advice for the party is not to watch the ex-GF like hawks, just stick to BFF like glue, be fun and funny, make sure he has a good time and help him with host duties. If you’re close to him the whole time, she won’t have a chance to cause him any trouble.

Post # 12
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

242beauty:  Regarding going home or not after the bachelor party, I think what’s more important is the agreement between the two people in the relationship. Clearly, either there was no agreement here, or it had been breached.

I don’t mean that they can’t form a friendship within a month, but whether or not that friendship is close enough to warrant interference is another matter — with the additional understanding that it is difficult to have a helathy relationship if one or both partners constantly allow others to get involved. As this is more dramatic than dangerous (truthfully, this doesn’t seem any worse than many other immature breakups), I don’t think so. Friends may think they’re helping when they do it… but how many people would be okay with it if it were their partner’s parents getting involved? (Not judging, just pointing out that it’s not that different; interference is interference, whether or not it is well-meaning.)

Post # 13
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

meowmeow071914:  I’m not really sure what this has to do with you….? They are all grownups? They are responsible for their own choices? Well, then you be a shoulder to cry on, and pretty much stay out of other people’s affairs. Breakups suck, they’re messy, but guess whose business they are? The two people breaking up and NO ONE ELSE!! No one knows what happens in a relationship other than the two people. I suggest you use this wisdom when offering solicited advice.

Post # 14
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I assume BFF is a grown man who makes his own life decisions and I suspect the ex-GF would have a completely different perspective on the relationship and other things you’ve addressed in your rant. Stop inserting yourself into other peoples’ lives and maybe you wouldn’t be so upset.

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