- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
Regular bee going anon because I share personal stuff on my regular account so I’m easily identifiable. I’m still in shock and I’m utterly confused. I don’t know how to move forward and I don’t know how to comfort Darling Husband. I apologize for all the errors- I’m on my phone.
Last night his step mom (SM) called me. She told me that we needed to clear the air and told me all the horrible things that Mother-In-Law has done over the years. I already knew Mother-In-Law was emotionally abusive to Darling Husband but I never realized the extent and that he had been physically abused as well. This broke my heart finding out how he was treated as a child but then she went on to say that Father-In-Law was considering cutting Darling Husband and his brother out of his life.
This shocked me so I asked why. She told me that Father-In-Law has always felt that Darling Husband prefers Mother-In-Law and that Mother-In-Law controls Darling Husband so it would just be easier to cut Darling Husband out. I asked why it was happening now and she said something about the wedding pictures that they received in the mail Saturday.
After further investigation they said there are more pictures of Mother-In-Law and they think she paid off the photographer. I took a look at the pictures again afterwards and there are not more pictures of Mother-In-Law than them. Even if there were and even if Mother-In-Law did pay off the photographer (unlikely) why is this being taken out on DH?
I ended the phone call then and told Darling Husband what had happened. He texts SM and asks what is going on and if he can call. She said yes, but call me because your dad won’t answer. Upon hearing this Darling Husband crumbled and tried calling and texting his dad repeatedly. Finally his SM called and said his dad didn’t want to talk to him and would no longer be talking to him.
Darling Husband was on the phone for an hour trying to get his dad on the phone and trying to figure out what he did wrong. SM gave all kinds of reasons… She said that Darling Husband seems distant when he comes over because he doesn’t talk. This is goes personality. He doesn’t talk in social situations, this has nothing to do with his dad or SM. Then she said that Darling Husband should stand up to Mother-In-Law when Mother-In-Law speaks poorly about Father-In-Law. He also does this. I’ve heard him do it. She also said that it hurt them they he stayed with his mom when he came home (before we were married). He tried to explain that he already has a bedroom and spare clothes there but she just didn’t want to hear any of it. She finally told him that if he wanted to continue a relationship with his dad that he should not see Mother-In-Law unless she stopped talking about Father-In-Law.
I agree that Mother-In-Law should not talk poorly about Father-In-Law but asking Darling Husband to choose is wrong. Darling Husband said that he would ask his mom not to talk poorly of Father-In-Law but he would not cut Mother-In-Law out of his life.
To be clear, Mother-In-Law is not a good person but Darling Husband stands up to her now and she in no way controls him. She does have done medical conditions that should be treated but she refuses help. We keep her at an arms distance but Darling Husband doesn’t want to cut her out completely (we’ve actually talked about this before last night due to situations in the past).
Right before bed DH’s dad texted him “you do what you need to do and take your brother with you. Enough is enough.” At that pint Darling Husband went from sad to angry. He tells me he doesn’t care but I know he does. I can tell he was crying this morning. I know he is hurt and confused. I’m hurt as well but I realize my loss is nowhere near as big as his is. I hate seeing him this hurt when their is nothing I can do.
If his dad didn’t live 8 hours away Darling Husband would have gone and tried to solve this. There isn’t much he can do with Father-In-Law refusing phone calls.
I know they are acting ridiculous but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. We do love them and I enjoy spending time with them. This was so out of the blue but they told us they have been feeling this way for a long time.
If you have advice about this I would love to hear it. Would it be too desperate for Darling Husband to drive back? I’m not sure he would do that anymore after the text he received but I’m not sure what else to do. I already texted SM (with DH’s permission) but she just repeated herself about Darling Husband needing to stand up to his mom (like I said before- he does do this). I texted her back and said it was very unfair for Father-In-Law to refuse to explain this for himself. I have so much more I could write but this is already super long so if anything isn’t clear just let me know. My thoughts are so scattered right now that I hope this makes sense.