DH's Ex Wife is Intrusive…Vent…

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Coral99:  No advice really, his ex just sounds super needy.  Hopefully she’ll find something else to occupy her time soon.  Best of luck!

Post # 4
Member
7279 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

She is defintely annoying but if the extend of her tries to excessive emails and stupid tricks clearly she’s not going to stop, you can’t control her, but you both have to get to point where you don’t react to it. She’s a drama queen and its almost like your feeding her need for attention, but clearly that isn’t your intention. 

You cant stop her for sitting on her own property to see her son off, but what you can do is learn to stop reacting to it and her emails.  If she wants to send extra emails the minute you see it doesn’t relate to your son, delete or keep in folder to later show a judge/therapist that she is going against orders. 

 

Post # 5
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would set and continue to keep your boundaries. She’ll eventually move on/get tired/get the picture. If you consistently show her how things will be, only discuss on specific specified platforms, stand your ground, and not react emotionally to her, it will happen eventually.

Post # 6
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Honestly, I have no clever ideas or good advice.  I just want to say it sounds like you and your husband are dealing with this perfectly.  Ignore the small petty bullshit and only respond to actual emergencies.  Only communicate what she needs to know by court order.  If she’s violating the court order, talk to his lawyer (you mentioned she’s not giving him info about his son’s education, for example).

However, I am concerned that this is stressing out your husband so much.  Is there anything you can do to help him understand that he’s doing everything right and that she’s just doing all of this to push his buttons?  When he’s stressed out, she wins…you know?

Post # 7
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Sorry, no advice really. I don’t know what more you can do. Keep ignoring her except to deal with issues surrounding your stepson. Hopefully she will get bored and move on soon!

Post # 8
Member
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It sounds like you all are doing everything you can do.  Unfortunately, she will be part of your life forever.

Post # 9
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

 @Coral99:  

First off it sounds like she’s using his son as a tool or weapon to get whatever reaction she desires at the moment. 100% not okay. Ever. I would strongly encourage your DH to put his foot down with her on this because manipulating her son into saying he wants to come home early or how his dad didn’t love him anymore is WAYYY out of line. It’s not about you, your marriage, your husband or her at that point. It’s about the child.  He’s the one being used as a pawn by her and that needs to stop immediately.  It may seem like a pain in the ass to you, but to a child it really does affect them on a much deeper level.

Other than that, I don’t have much else to say but that sucks, I’m really sorry. It can be a major headache to deal with “ex” drama.  I would just continue what you guys are doing and limit conversations to topics that pertain to his son. If she goes on to anythinig else ignore it completely and go about your day.

I also think you going with him for pick ups and drop offs is a good idea.  If it were me, I’d probably even suggest going to pick up and drop off myself and leave DH at home, further limiting contact.  Not for any petty reason (I don’t mean it to come off that way), but simply to minimize contact until she can get her head on straight. It basically gives her fewer opportunities to “stir the pot”.

 

Post # 10
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with others – keep doing what you’re doing. Not much else you can do, since she’s the kid’s mom.

As far as her watching him walk to the car – I would be doing the same, and I’m nothing like her. The kid is 7, and true, you’re right there on the sidewalk, but I would still probably stand outside and make sure the kid gets to the car safely. That’s just me.

Be glad you haven’t had to start doing pick-up/drop-off at the police station. That’s when you know things are really bad, and not just petty.

Post # 13
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee

@Coral99:  I remember your other post about this woman, it sounds like she is controlling and mentally unstable. Would it be an option for your husband to change his email address and phone number so that the only way she can contact him is through the monitored message board? I relaize this could be difficult in case of a real emergency though. If this is an option then maybe your husband could give her the number of a person close to him (e.g. his mother) in case of a real emergency. As for drop offs and pick ups perhaps they could do the exchange at a neutral party’s house or CPS. I know that where I live the CAS has a room in their offices where parents can do supervised drop off/pick up. I hope these suggestions help out a little or give you further ideas on how to handle this situation. Good luck.

Post # 15
Member
7279 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Coral99:  What a bitch. Just continue doing what you are. As far as the call thing. I wouldn’t suggestion doing that. Don’t set yourself up and give her ammo to say “You see he’s cutting off communication with the son”. His child with her, he has to field the calls. But he can perhaps set it up so her calls go right to voicemail and that way you can screen the calls. Sorry it sucks but that’s just what it is. 

Post # 16
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I like the idea of going to a mediator. It shows everyone that you are willing to collaborate on what is best for the son. Sorry you have to deal with her, and if you ever need to vent, the Bees are always here to listen.

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