Post # 1
I truly thought DHs father couldnt sink any lower than what he did to us on our wedding day, but he somehow managed it.
Ill start with the wedding day. He shows up late and barely makes it to the ceremony, inserts himself into the family photos, and as we are getting ready to sit down to eat tells us he has to leave to go see his daughter (who is at the hospital with her FI). Fair enough I guess, but you couldn’t wait an hour? Turns out he never actually went to see her. He called her and asked if he could come see her FI, she says he can’t see him for health reasons but he can come see her. HE ACTUALLY SAYS WHAT’S THE POINT THEN. So he left my wedding for no reason and also showed up empty handed – not even a fucking card, and then shit all over my SIL when she’s losing the man she’s been with since she was 17.
Last night was my SILs FI wake and he couldn’t come bc ‘his knee was bothering him’. Today was the funeral and he texted my MIL to tell her that he couldn’t get a rental car so he can’t come to the funeral. He knows damn well that if he had called my DH he would have driven out to get him. He never intended on coming in the first place. My DH is absolutely livid and disgusted, as are the rest of us.
Im done with the man. I was done after the wedding, but I am really one now. I have watched him break DHs heart so many times. He has been doing it his entire life. My SILwas wise enough to keep him at arms distance, but DH really wants a dad, you know? So he keeps hoping for the best, and getting crushed every time. I’m not going to just stand by and keep watching it happen anymore. No, just no. I’m putting my foot down. I don’t want that poison in our lives. Am I wrong? I mean how much are you supposed to put up with in the name of ‘family’?
Post # 3
I refuse to refer to the man as my FIL, my DHs step dad is my FIL.
Post # 4
I’m so so sorry that your SIL’s FI didn’t make it, I’ve been thinking about them, hoping that he would manage to pull through.
As for your husbands dad, people sometimes act weird when they’re going through a hard time. However, from your post it sounds like he has a track record of similar let downs. I understand that it must hurt your husband, but perhaps this is an eyeopener that makes him realize that he’s just setting himself up for more disappointment by trying to keep up a relationship.
Post # 5
Sounds like your husband’s dad and my dad = cut from the same cloth. I am so sorry your husband got dealt a crap father, nothing else to offer but hugs from me.
Post # 6
@eocenia: thank you Hun your kind words have meant alot through this whole ordeal… It’s just heartbreaking. My heart is so broken for my SIL. I can’t even imagine…
@mrs_pudding_pop: thanks I’m sorry you have to deal with this bs too… I don’t understand how any one could not love and cherish their children above all. My kids are not even technically ‘mine’ but I could not imagine not standing by their sides no matter what, always.
Post # 7
@Weetzie: Sounds *JUST* like my mother, who opted not to attend her father OR mothers funeral.
For her fathers, she requested off of work for a few days but didnt attend…she then contacted my aunt a few days after asking for a copy of the death certificate or obituary. When my aunt asked why, my mother said “because I told work that’s where I was.”
For her mothers in July, she demanded my BF and I drive an hour south to pick her up, then an hour back north the way we came plus the actual 4 hours it takes to get there. When we told her if she wanted to ride with us she’d need to meet us at our place, she refused to go. When people asked her why she didnt attend, she told them her daughter wouldnt give her a ride.
Post # 8
I am so sorry for your loss – especially for your SIL. My heart is breaking for her.
It’s good to hear that you’re putting your foot down for family. Your husband’s feelings are too important to be tossed to the side by a man who doesn’t care.
I hope your husband can keep his father at arm’s length, it really sounds like that would be best for him (hard, but may make life a little easier). He doesn’t have to cut him out completely, but maybe just not invest so much into him, emotionally.
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC
@Weetzie: I dont think your wrong at all BUT your DH has to let this man go by himself and not because you said so.
I feel the same way about my father who my brother insists on having a relationship with. However me and my mum have learnt that if you dont let him learn for himself, the resentment falls back on you.
Its difficult, I know!!! And you just want to rescue them but you cant, all you can do is talk to them and try and make them see sense.
Post # 10
@Weetzie: I don’t even want to think about how she must feel right now, but at least it sounds like she has a strong support from the remainder of the family. That can mean everything in a situation like this!
Post # 11
:(… I will never understand how or why parents think it is ever acceptable to treat their adult children like this!