DH's female coworker and setting boundaries

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think you’re overthinking this. Your husband is totally open about all of this. She has a crush on him, so what?

And also, what is wrong with her trying to plan more out of work activities? Generally teams who actually get along also perform a lot better in the workplace.

He doesn’t have to go to all of them obviously, but if he constantly snubs the after-work activities, he won’t be seen as a “team player” and it could cost him at work. Such is the reality of today’s work world.

I am not sure exactly what you’re worried about here. You know about this lady. Your husband clearly isn’t having an affair with her considering he’s telling you everything. I don’t think it’s reasonable for you to expect that he skips all after work activities. If I’m reading this wrong and he isn’t going to be working there anymore, then what’s the harm in him ending on a positive note? You never know who you may need in the work world even years down the line… so not burning bridges in any way is generally a smart career move.

I just think your energy might be better focused elsewhere. Even if she was throwing yourself at your husband and attempting to get him drunk, it’s up to HIM whether he acts on it. Even if you ban all out of work activities, he could still have an affair.. at this job or the next one. It’s about having trust in your relationship.

Post # 5
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@texasbee:  It’s great that he told you. A+ for him. I don’t think you should have told him to go. After work get togethers are optional and when 1 of the 4 people attending has a crush on a married man I don’t think it would even be appropriate for him to be there. Telling him to hang out with this woman outside of work would only encourage a personal relationship between them when it should be strictly business and the woman is obviously having a difficult time controlling herself. You did the right thing and so did he. 

Post # 6
Member
7406 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@texasbee:  If he doesn’t want to go then I don’t see the point of this post. but if he is only doing it to appease you then you two need to talk.

If you think it might hurt his career by not attending these functions then discuss that with him.

Why do you feel the need to analyse this womens actions?

Post # 7
Member
4568 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

 

@jadlnc: +1,000

 @texasbee I’m not a controlling person and i trust my FH.

With that being said i would not brush this “crush” of hers under the rug.

Any company outings my FH has had at his job we always go together i was invited by his boss.

I think it would be very rude if you were not invited. shes not a boss. she just another worker.

Im sorry i would not allow it. and its not about me being controlling its about bounderies.

And i feel from what you have posted about this situation she is trying to cross those bounderies. i would not encourage the way shes acting and let him go.

Shame on her. and i pray she will stop embaressing herself and leave you DH alone.

Post # 8
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

I think your fine love, your hubby is probably just flattered more than anything (we all get flattered from being crushed on sometimes lol).

But he’s been honest with you so I think your fine, just keep being open with him with how your feeling and it’ll blow off at some point.

She’s going to look like a goose in the long run and hey, you’ve got him! Kudo’s to you xox

Post # 10
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@texasbee:  I think every office has at *least* one Sue.

My friends FI got me hired on at my company, she doesnt work here. The Sue-type out our company calls my friend’s FI her “office husband.” My friend is incredibly cool, but this would not make her happy, I promise.

Our Sue is also well-aware that this mans FI isn’t a big fan of hers, and I think that makes her act worse. The first time my friend ever met Sue was at a work happy hour, and she did NOT make a good impression.

They arrived at the bar and Sue was chilly to her at best. Shortly thereafter, my friend went looking for her FI and he was over at some small table talking with Sue. When she approached and started to sit down, Sue said “this is private, he and I just need to talk.”

Whoah. You can guess how THAT went over.

 

Post # 11
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@texasbee:  If she’s making him uncomfortable he should not go. If she starts out-right coming onto him he needs to tell her to stop and if she doesn’t he needs to report her for sexual harassment. He deserves to work in a comfortable working environment.

Post # 12
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee

@badabing88:  Oh boy! No one would be able to hold me back from her. I’d lose it. What a thing to say. 

@jadlnc:  +1 

@jadlnc:  I couldn’t agree more. I think all your points are right on. 

Post # 13
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsSparkle:  My friend didn’t hold back, not a bit. I have to reiterate: this is the  most non-jealous, laid-back woman you’ll ever meet. That guy has it made because she’s so chill. But she lost it on that baby-voiced bimbo. The best part is the gal isn’t very smart…at all…and my friend is brilliant, so it didnt take much.

Post # 15
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t think your husband needs to go. These aren’t regular, established work get-togethers that will hurt his career or make him seem like “not a team player” if he doesn’t go. It sounds like these are sudden, new outings that are being planned by a random girl in the office who doesn’t matter in the corporate hierarchy. And it sounds like they just started right around the same time Sue got a crush on your husband. 

 

It sounds like she’s getting more and more desperate, which is hopefully a turn-off for your husband. Tell your husband to ditch any event planned by Sue and go only to events planned by someone else. If Sue happens to be there, he should be polite but distant. She’ll get the message. 

 

It looks like your husband is being more open and honest about this situation, which is great. I still feel a little bit cautious on your behalf over his mentions of having a crush on her, flirting with her, and saying that she’s “not mad at him all the time” like you. Things seem like they’re getting better, but I would advise you to keep in mind the fact that Sue is flirting with your husband because he showed her that it was welcome. Be cautious. 

 

Keep us updated! I’m ready and willing to laugh at this desperate woman!

 

Post # 16
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@texasbee:  Does it make me evil if I thinks that a little hilarious (him giving her the cold shoulder)? I mean IMO the girl deserves it, she has no business pursuing a married man and while she’s married too! 

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