Post # 1
Hi bees, so our wedding is over and we had the most amazing night! Sad it’s over but happy not to be planning anymore 🙂
I have a question, though. One of DH’s good friend and groomsmen never gave us a wedding gift. Not even just a card (which I would have been fine with). Now we’re both in their wedding this month, and I don’t want to be rude and not give them a gift either, but I’m a little annoyed and don’t want to give them a huge cash gift.
So, what would you do? Should we just give them a small gift?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
I think you ought to give them the gift you intended to… etiquette-wise, people have up to a year after your wedding to give you a gift. And, you never know, maybe giving them a gift will prompt him and his new wife to realize they forgot to get one for you. If they end up never giving you a gift, then at least you played the better person.
Post # 4
You will never regret being the bigger person. That is good advice for this situation and for all of life’s other problems.
Post # 5
Give them a gift and be the bigger person. You don’t invite people to give you presents but to share your day with you.
Post # 6
I didn’t get a gift from the majority of my bridesmaids and I actaully didn’t even think twice about it. I would get them the gift you wanted to get them and be the bigger person – perhaps not a huge cash gift but something you like for them from their registry.
Post # 7
Not gonna lie, I would probably give them less gift then what I intended to, don’t kill me I am just being honest….but maybe he didn’t give you a gift cuz his wedding is so close to yours and they didn’t have any money?! But a card would of been nice.
Post # 8
@Blondee: You shouldn’t give a gift based on what someone else gave you . I base my gifts based on my closeness and feeling for the couple.
And they did give you a gift, they gave you the groomsmans time, he rented/bought/wore the outfit you told him to, he probably helped plan a bachelor party or something similar.
They are not required to give you a gift, and a card isn’t a gift. It is a form of correspondence.
Post # 9
To be honest, I wouldn’t expect a gift from the members of the wedding party. They invested time in your wedding, and no doubt they spent $$$ on items. That is not to say you don’t deserve a gift.
Maybe money is tight considering that there was YOUR wedding and now the groomsman’s wedding is this month. He may give you a gift after his wedding once things settle down a bit and things are less stressful. I would just be gracious and give him a gift regardless.
Post # 10
I sent a gift for a recent wedding that will probably arrive a few weeks late. I just got distracted around the wedding day and underestimated the shipping time. (However I did bring a card to the actual wedding.) He may be super distracted by his own wedding and will still be sending you a gift when things settle down a bit. Don’t get upset about this.
Post # 11
My fiance is an idiot when it comes to wedding gifts (just telling it like it is haha). I wouldn’t be surprised if the guy just had no idea that he is expected to give a gift. I’ve known plenty of guys that basically just completely forgot that weddings involve gifts (weird but true).
I would give the gift. And technically people have a year to give you a gift after your wedding. So perhaps after you send them a gift, he’ll realize, “Hey. Maybe I should have sent them a gift.” And hopefully he’ll say that to his wife and she’ll say, “You didn’t send a gift?! Get on that right now!” 🙂
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)
@JessesGirl: So well put! OP, I think it’s tempting to be petty, and I certainly understand wanting to give less or even skip the gift entirely. I would totally fantasize about doing that! But ultimately, this is an opportunity to do a wonderful thing that you can take ownership of, and I think that would be more satisfying than skimping on their gift.
Post # 13
I agree with the other bees that said to be the bigger person and gift them regardless of their lack of gift to you. I think it’s alot more understandable when a bridal party member doesn’t give a gift since they tend to do so much more to help with the wedding. At the same time I understand your desire to gift less, and even gifting less then you originally intended is still being the bigger person by giving any gift at this point.
Post # 14
Maybe I’m different but I would definitely give them less of a gift. Not even a card? That’s ridiculous. Just give them the gift of your presence, like they did for you.
Post # 15
@FoxyBride14: I agree. I don’t expect gifts from my bridal party.
Post # 16
@Mrs. Parasol: Thanks, it is seriously the best advice I have ever received and given. It’s easy to get hurt feelings and want to be petty but two wrongs have never made a right.