- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2010
DH and I have lived together for ages, so when people kept telling me that the first year of marriage was the hardest I was like “ya ya ya” and honestly, for the first four months it was ya ya ya! But the past couple of months, DH’s job has gotten really intense and we’re both really feeling the impact of it. He’s up at 6am (at the latest) and usually home at 9pm at the early end. For a couple weeks he was coming home around 6 or 7, but that didn’t last long. On the days he does manage a more “normal” home time, he falls asleep on the couch right after dinner because the poor guy is so exhausted from lack of sleep and so much physical work (he’s a contractor).
He works weekends except when we have his son every other weekend, and even at that, lately he’s had to run into the city for a meeting or two leaving us home to do our own thing, and I know he hates it. So basically, I barely get to see him, and when I do see him I feel like he’s so exhausted he’s just mentally checked out and I don’t get 100% of him. Well that and his phone literally rings every 3-5 minutes from 7am to 1 am. I am not kidding you. And he can’t turn it off in case there’s an emergency on a job site or his son’s mother needs to get a hold of him.
I feel resentful of his job. 100%. I hate that I don’t ever get my husband. We can’t have a conversation without his phone ringing and ringing, text messages coming through, or me seeing how exhausted and stressed he is so we just sort of skim over the “how was your day” and don’t talk like we used to. He keeps saying that work is going to slow down and he honestly thinks it will, the problem is that he doesn’t see that it’s been this way for two years and it’s not slowing down. It’s getting bigger. He’s been trying to hire new guys to take on the excess workload, but very few have actually worked out. I keep telling him he needs to start turning down jobs or sky rocket his rate, and he agrees but doesn’t do it.
He lined up this really big commercial contract thinking that it would be a good payout before our house reno, but now our reno has been indefinitely delayed and he just has this huge pile of work, and when I complain he tells me that he’s doing it for us and our house. It just sucks. I look like the bad guy. The stuff I need him to do around the house doesn’t get done because he’s never here, or when he is here during some rare daylight hours, the poor guy is so exhausted I don’t want to harrass him about doing some sort of physical labour around our house too! And it’s a huge catch 22 because then I feel let down when stuff doesn’t get done, and I also sound like a nag saying “I need you do to ____” over and over but knowing he doesn’t have the time.
For instance, today we had a surprise party for my brother-in-law. My sister and I have been planning it for months. I told DH I needed his help setting up in the morning before the guests arrived and he agreed. Where was he this morning? At work. Where was I? Setting up the party with the staff of the event space taking pity on me and helping out. He showed up, but late. Next weekend we’re having a carnival at the house. I need him to move our Winnebago up to our storage space 2 hours away. He was supposed to do it before winter. It’s June. So he decided he would do it tomorrow. Where is he going tomorrow? To work. What will happen if that damn Winnebago doesn’t leave my driveway? There’s no carnival because there’s nowhere to put the freaking bouncy castle and games!!!!!! I’m just so frustrated! It’s not his fault, but on the other hand I want to scream at him sometimes because I’m so mad that he can’t/won’t turn down a job, his workers can’t do jack without hand holding from him, and I feel like a 1000th on the priority list. And then if I say that, I’m a bad person because he’s doing it all for me/us/the house. I’m backed into a corner and I just don’t know what to do. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I feel disconnected from him some times and I just want my husband back. I know he has to work, but we’re both at a loss as to how to dig ourselves out of this.
Any suggestions or kind words bees? Any of you been through this and can offer any advice? Sorry this was so long. I think I really needed to get that off my chest.