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Aside from Prince William and Kate, I have never heard of or seen a couple get engaged or married with a gem (sapphire, emerald, ruby, etc.) instead of a diamond. I personally think diamonds are the embodiment of that promise of permanence marriage provides. They're virtually indestructible and it will prevent other guys from thinking the girl is just wearing a pretty little cocktail ring on that finger (aka she's single). Size aside, it's traditional to buy the girl a diamond, isn't it? What would you think if your fiance got you a gem engagement ring instead of a diamond?
Alot of women on the bee have gem stone rings & would probably take offense to this.
@aliasmae: Actually the "tradition" of diamond rings is fairly new. It all came out of a DeBeer's marketing scheme in the 1920s (I think).
Prior to the DeBeer's marketing, engagement rings were usually gemstone rings or pearl (not diamond).
I have a diamond ring but that doesn't make my engagement and marriage any more real or any more permanent than someone who has a gemstone ring.
There are many amazing gemstone rings on these boards (as well as rings with no stones at all).
I do think your post may offend a fair number of people.
Also, I've seen marriages that started with a HUGE diamond engagement ring end very quickly in divorce and marriage that started with a small gemstone ring stand the test of time.
It's "traditional" to get whatever you want. I have a sapphire, which is only slightly less indestructible as a diamond and very pretty too. There a lot of unique gemstone rings on this site, in addition to diamonds. To each her own, but I don't think the ring should be a status symbol or an indication of the strength of your relationship.
I have a diamond, but gemstone rings can be just as, if not more, beautiful. Check out KatyElle's for reference! It's all about personal preference!
I personally don't like diamonds unless they are colored or as an accent stone. I think it is all personal and agree that many bees here would probably take offense to this because there are tons with gemstone engagement rings and probably wouldn't like them being referred to as "pretty little cocktale rings."
Aside from that, diamonds, like white wedding dresses are a fairly recent phenominon in history. Before Queen Victoria that majority of wedding dresses were simply formal dresses that could be worn again and that were in a variety of colors. Diamonds weren't really hugely popular stones until probably the early to mid 20th century. So really there is more history of gemstones than diamonds.
Also to many diamonds are generic and overly popular while a gemstone may be their birthstone, favorite color or just favorite stone. Many people see a gemstone as more meaningful than a diamond. Again this is not true for everyone but it true for many.
This is not to knock diamonds. I have seen many beautiful rings, they just aren't my style personally, but there is nothing wrong with them just like their isn't anything wrong with a gemstone. It is all very personal.
I have a sapphire, which was very common as an engagement ring before diamonds became so popular. It is hard enough for daily wear, and I find it very symbolic--sapphire is my birthstone, and we also got engaged in September. Don't get me wrong, diamonds are lovely, too, but my DH likes that I have something unique but not too trendy.
*I* have a gemstone ring. My mother and grandmother had rubies and it is a tradition in my family dating back many generations.
I hate to waste to much time or energy on this post, because of the obvious ignorance, but a few facts:
-Diamond engagement rings didn't become popular until the 1930's and it was a marketing thing that made them popular
-They aren't technically any more valuable then gemstones because of their composition or any qualities, the market is just manipulated and controlled differently
-The main gemstone (rubies, sapphires and emeralds) are only the teeniest tiniest bit softer then diamonds, not enough that you would ever know the difference in every day life
I think my FI's love and word are the embodiment of that promise of permanence marriage provides, not some silly ring or stone or whatever.
Engagement rings are a personal thing and I do find it fairly offensive that you would judge someones relationship or marriage based on a material object.
@aliasmae: I think it really depends on one's personality, taste, etc. My fiance gave me a beautiful 3 stone engagement ring with 2 white diamonds on each side of a blue diamond. Yes it is a diamond ring, but I always thought if he did propose he would give me a sapphire ring as my favorite color is blue and the ring has a lot of symbolism (faithfulness, loyalty). I don't think its necessary for all engagement rings to be diamonds...but as I said I think it depends on the couple.
I gave back smaller diamond ring before (ex bf), so I think I might give back the gemstone ring (then again can't be 100% sure because it didn't happen).
I have a diamond, but I sometimes wish I would've gotten a gemstone. You can signify you're married in any way you want, it doesn't have to be a specific stone (or a stone at all). Besides that, I think how you act should signify you're married (or engaged). Lack of flirting and talking about your FI/husband gets the point across just fine :).
Offensive probably isn't even the right word. Immature, maybe?
I have a sapphire: BAM!
If you want to get technical, gemstones are more traditional than diamonds, particularly sapphires which symbolize fidelity. Just because my ring isn't backed by elaborate marketing doesn't make it a "cocktail ring."
I have and love my diamond, but I would have been content with a gem. It was FI who said he would only get me a diamond. He had the same thought pattern-- diamond=engagement, he wanted to be damn sure that others knew it was an engagement ring. I, myself, didn't care so much about "others." If the ring is on *that* finger, people figure it out (yes, I acknowledge other cultures wear the rings on different hands and fingers) But hey, I'm glad my fiance had a strong opinion about something wedding related.
@KatNYC2011: Yup, you're right. And one of the blogging bees posted a few days ago (CANNOT remember who - Miss Pony, maybe??) about how the custom of rings came about anyway - it had to do with the demise of the legal cause of action for breach of promise to marry around the turn of the 20th century and the need to provide some other "security" to engaged women to prevent their "ruin" should the marriage not actually occur. DeBeers later jumped on the idea of a diamond being the best way to symbolize your commitment because of its strength and ran a textbook successful marketing campaign which convinced, clearly, the entire country that you HAD to have a diamond.
That being said - my ring is both diamonds and sapphires - while the central largest stone is a diamond, I actually wasn't committed to the idea of a diamond in the first place, I think pearls are more "me" - but, when it came down to it, Mr. PP thought were too fragile to wear forever safely. The central diamond is there because a family member, upon hearing Mr. PP wanted to propose, had it to give and wanted me to have it - but I would have loved whatever he chose, because he took the time to think about what I wanted - and did so in creating a custom setting for the diamond with sapphires included, which is a family tradition and also private joke.
The ring's stones don't bear any relationship to the strength of my fiance's commitment to me, regardless of whatever some ad exec might want me to believe. It's just a symbol, it's not the relationship.
@KatyElle: Holy crapola... that ring is SO GORGEOUS!
I am DROOLING over here!
@KatyElle:You ring is one of my favorites on the site. Made me want a padparadscha so bad. Just had to let you know :)
@savvysaver101: I'm sorry to you and other bees if the question came off as offensive. It was more a general question. I wanted to have others' takes on it to see if this was more common than I thought.
@ThePinkPeony: Wow! I'm going to look up that post. I had no idea it came about so recently.
Personally I find diamonds pretty boring (no offense to the diamond lovers, they're just not my cup of tea). They're my birthstone, so you'd think I'd like them, but they just never seemed that special to me. I asked DH for green tourmalines in my rings and I would take them over a clear stone any day. They do not resemble cocktail rings in any way, and they have never been confused for anything other than wedding/engagement rings.
As for the whole "permanence" comparison, a person can extract symbolism from pretty much anything to suit their purpose, so I find that argument a little weak. @SarahSmilesDec28's comment sums up my feelings about this pretty well.
@KatyElle: I would definitely not view this as a cocktail ring. A friend of mine did have a very small, non-diamond accented engagement gemstone ring, and was constantly confused as being single. This takes the cake, though!
@linguo42: Diamonds are my birthstone too, but that's part of the reason I love them.
I thought about getting a wedding band with gemstones in it but am going the diamond route for now, I may get a second band to go on the other side and get that one with gemstones.
I had never heard of getting a gemstone ring as an engagement ring before joining WB. If I had heard of it, I might have picked one for an engagement ring. I like the idea of not having what most other people have. And BTW most of my friends and family don't even have an engagement ring. They have only a wedding band.
For me, gemstones are a very personal thing. When you find a 1ct round cut diamond, you might not be able to afford it right then and there, but if you wanted to buy one at some point in the future, you could always just buy another. You can find them in every jewelry case in any mall store anywhere you are.
With gems, if you find a great color and you can't live without it, you'd better grab it because likely anything like it won't come along twice, especially not anything you're going to see in a local jeweler's case. Certain colors (such as padparadshca) you might not see twice in a lifetime. It takes time, patience and a good eye to get what you're after... kind of like picking a mate.
Okay... I might have to duck for cover after this but I do think that the weddingbee "culture" is a little more gem-friendly than the general population (perhaps for lack of education, but regardless... in my experience thats the case). I think I might represent the other side here that maybe isn't so common on wb. I'll answer your question:
What would you think if your fiance got you a gem engagement ring instead of a diamond?
I would not have been happy (about the ring. Obviously I'd still be happy about being engaged). Yes, I know that diamonds are a new tradition. I know that their rarity is overstated as is their true value. I know that I'm brainwashed by DeBeers... I know. But nothing about a marriage is rational, in my opinion. It isn't rational to want to spend all that money on a wedding when you could easily save it for something else. It isn't rational to spend 1k on a dress you'll wear for 6 hours. It isn't rational to devote a year+ of your life to planning one day when what really matters is everything that comes after. But I did all of those things because a wedding and a marriage are emotional decisions that are closely tied to your upbringing, your community, and the traditions you've been exposed to. I don't think any less of anyone with a gemstone ring and I think a lot of the rings are really beautiful (off the top of my head, my two favs here are KatyElle's and the poster with the orange sapphire whose screenname is escaping me right now). But I wanted a diamond. Its what I've always pictured for myself when I thought about getting engaged. Plus, I wanted my ring to be immediately recognized as an engagement ring. Also, I wanted my family (who would all expect a diamond based on our family traditions) to oo and ah over it. Shallow? Maybe. But emotionally its what I wanted and I think that with regards to these kinds of things emotions mean a lot.
So for all of those reasons I am thrilled that my husband bought me a diamond ring, and I think I would have been not very happy if he had not.
Aside from Princess Diana (& now K Middleton), I had also never heard or seen anyone IRL sporting a gemstone engagement ring before WB- um, unless I just wasn't paying attention, which is totally possible.
I don't think it does any good to attack the OP or brand her 'ignorant'. Sounds like she just didn't know. INFORM her of her options!! Besides, I'm sure the gemstone girls have heard much harsher critisism in real life- that's just people for ya.
Uhmmm...yeah...
Size aside, it's traditional to buy the girl a diamond, isn't it?<---- No, they are not traditional anymore, if they ever wear. They have just been overmarketed and shoved down our throats as being traditional.
What would you think if your fiance got you a gem engagement ring instead of a diamond? <---- I would love, and do love, a gem engagement ring over a diamond because I am a unique individual. I want my ring to be unique too. For me, diamonds are good for some, but not for all. My now hubby and I fell in love with my orange sapphire, and there is no one else out there in the real world that has the same ring as me. It is unique; just like me.
Here are a couple of pictures:
EDIT: I also wanted to say that no one has ever mistaken my ring(s) for "wearing a pretty little cocktail ring".
Haha, OP you're taking a lot of flak for this post :P I guess I have one of those cocktail rings, but I picked it out because it meant more to me. My fiance and I are both July birthdays, and in love with the color (hello, our main wedding color is dark red!) Not to mention his Grandma Ruby, who we've decided we will name our first daughter after. So I spent maybe 5 minutes looking at the diamonds before I asked the jeweller to show me their ruby rings. I couldn't be happier with my ring! It's unique, and in my opinion prettier than any of the diamonds I saw. And with with the diamond enhancers, it'll be hard to mistake this for anything other than a wedding ring. The handsome fella on my arm also helps any man who might be wondering ;)
@KatyElle: I had never heard of padparadscha before. These are BEAUTIFUL stones.
I will be keeping an eye on them. I really have never seen anything like it before.
@aliasmae: HERE's the blog post I was thinking of - sorry, NOT recent, it was just an archive I was recently reading, oops! http://www.weddingbee.com/2010/03/14/there-goes-the-law-making-things-unromantic-again/
@noritake22: lol funny you just posted since you are the one i was trying to think of! i could picture the shoe but couldn't think of your sn. I love your ring :)
@all- I really do think some of you are being a bit harsh with the OP. I think that the traditions of these things vary from region to region. I live in Ohio and I've only ever met one person in my life that didn't have a diamond engagement ring. So I think its safe to say in this region (or at least in my family/peer group) diamonds are traditional. I don't think she was offensive or ignorant at all. Probably just from an area like me and then got on weddingbee and saw how varied the rings were, and was wondering if gemstone rings are common everywhere.
@CorgiTales: There's nothing wrong with that opinion! If you and your husband are both happy with it, that's all that matters. It really is a personal decision.
man, i love your ring. something about the pink makes me swoon! on the subject of gemstone rings, my first friend to get engaged had a blue sapphire ring with smaller diamonds on either side. it was the first time that i had seen a gemstone engagment ring, but she seemed really happy with it and it was very pretty and very her. it got me thinking on whether i would prefer diamond or something else myself, and i still dont have an answer for that. in the end, i just want something hard enough to last (most stones used are, i think) and something that matches me and most things that i would wear./p>
@CorgiTales: I agree with you.
For me, I wanted a diamond and I would have been unhappy with a gemstone ring.
BUT that doesn't mean I think any differently of those who have/prefer gemstone rings.
It's all about preference.
I too have been "brainwashed" by DeBeer's. I know diamonds are a "newer" trend and that the price is artificially inflated. But I still wanted a diamond.
FI and I talked about it at length as he had never wanted to buy a diamond due to the over-inflation of price.
Diamonds are my birthstone and we talked a lot about the engagement ring. He knew that a diamond was what I really wanted and so that is what he got.
Now I wouldn't be surprised if this (plus the wedding band) are the last diamonds I ever get from him because he'd rather buy other gemstones, but that is fine.
@CorgiTales: lol, I don't get over here to post much anymore, but my ears must have been burning, so I came to check out this post :-)
Thank you for the compliment :-)
I really think that each bride needs to get the ring that is right for her; traditional or not.
Aside from on the bee, I have also never (that I noticed) saw anyone with an engagement ring other than a diamond. The most different I have seen is the setting has sapphires. Now, in the moment, I probably would have been disappointed if he opened that box and I saw something other than a diamond, not going to lie. But, over time, depending on the ring, especially if its anything like @Katyelle's, I probably would have learned to love it. But I have tons of gemstones rings, and none of them really scream engagement ring to me, so, yeah, I wanted a diamond... I'm brainwashed too.
@CorgiTales: Diamonds, tradition or not, are the new standard (for lack of a better word). In the same line of thinking, while I rationally know that Tiffany's diamonds are really inflated price-wise, I get the appeal of a Tiffany ring. Sometimes you just want something classic and easily identified with MARRIAGE.
Until coming to WB I didn't realize that it was getting much more common to have non-diamond e-rings. I honestly wanted a pink sapphire long before I found out that a lot of other people have non-diamond rings simply because I love pink.
My hubs however disagrees. He is definitely on the diamond = e-ring bandwagon. And so that's what I got, and it's beautiful and I love it. However, I will say when I tell people that I originally wanted a pink sapphire...I didn't get very many positive reactions. I even got "you're not really engaged if he doesn't get you a diamond." Also, after we started talking marriage I started trying to find women who had non-diamond e-rings and in the general population I never saw one. Like seriously never - totally weird right?
So I can understand that as a general statement it's more "common" now to have diamond e-rings, but just because it's more common doesn't mean it's traditional, more meaningful, or required. Diamonds don't make love or marriage - we do :)
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