Post # 1
Make a list or a guide of ring requirements for your guy? We’ve been talking and I know we’re on the same page (A round solitaire with a very basic band) but when he asked me how big some of our friends’ rings are (which is useless because they all have princess and radiant cuts) I realized that he knows NOTHING about diamonds, not even what a carat is! I could just let him swim through the stores and hope that the sales reps would help him, but I not only lurk this forum, but I am a serial Pricescope lurker too and I just know that if I let him navigate the stores without guidance that he’s going to get screwed!
so! Since I am a nerd, I was thinking of planting a “hint, hint” card from Shaneco inside his wallet with a QR code Linking him to “Ms. Fork’s guide to NOT getting hosed at the jewelry store.” Complete with everything he needs to know along with reasonable prices for 1-1.25ct stones that fit into the diamond specs I could live with(nothing ridiculous). I was thinking about getting elaborate with this, even including directions to an idealscope(a pocket tool that helps you determine the cut grade of a diamond without trusting the words coming out of an associate’s mouth)… So, when he goes to the jewelry store and they want $8,000 for a piece of crap, he will be armed with enough knowledge to negotiate, even though I’d prefer his just buy a diamond online.
what do you think? I’m trying to get him to get the most for his money and not get screwed over, not demand he gets me something specific. Maybe I could recomend stores with good return policies just in case? Idk…
Post # 3
Honestly, my FI took the initiative to learn about diamonds himself. I picked out my setting but he picked out the stone. He had NO idea about diamonds before but after he educated himself & shopped around a lot, he acquired quite the eye for diamonds. He actually found my diamond at the same place he bought my setting. It was uncertified but once he saw the price tag he asked to look at it closer. After looking at it under a microscope & comparing it with some other diamonds in the store, he realized he was getting a killer deal and took it. I got a 1.7 ct round stone for pretty much 1/2 price. Per FI request, the store got the stone certified (for insurance purposes) and it actually came back better than he expected!
In my opinion, if he is serious about buying you a quality ring he will take the initiative to learn what he needs to know to prepare himself.
I am all about you telling him what kind of setting you like or picking it out yourself. Even though I knew what my setting was, I was blown away when we got engaged because the diamond he picked is gorgeous.
Oh, and I didn’t know he was doing ANY of this. He kept all his research a secret from me. I too thought he was a bit clueless. I was very impressed when he told me how much work he put into finding the perfect diamond.
Post # 4
I would approach it not like you are trying to pressure him to pick something specific, but like it is a big financial decision that you want him to make in an educated manner because it affects both of you. I would impress upon him how important it is to you that he makes a smart choice by doing his homework, so point him in the direction of places that he can do research before going into a store and being hosed with misinformation by sales associates (like bluenile). Let him do it at his leisure and trust him to take you and your suggestions seriously because it matters to you. If you are a quality over quantity girl, tell him that. If he seems open to suggestions maybe tell him the ranges you were thinking quality/size wise and let him reseach how much that should cost him…
But you know him best and know how he will respond to any suggestions beyond research. My DH let me pick my own out, so it was much different for me because he KNEW he didn’t know anything and wanted my input, but your SO may be different.
Post # 5
FI designed my ring with a friend who is a goldsmith, so I gave guidelines of what I wanted. Round solitaire diamond, about .75 k, white gold/platinum, vintage look. I also sent some inspiration pictures.
Together, they nailed my perfect ring!
He also took the initiative to learn about diamonds himself.
Post # 6
I said I wanted it to be non-conflict, canadian diamond. that’s all I said I cared about in terms of style… I said nothing.
Post # 7
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
He said something a few times along the lines of I wish I could afford a ring so we could get married. And I said back a few times, well, my mom has a ring for the first of us to ask for it. Eventually, he asked for it. I never brought it up myself.
Post # 8
I think it’s fine to show him how to educate himself, but I wouldn’t go overboard with it.
As long as he familiarizes himself with the specs, I don’t think he’ll get ‘hosed.’ And generally when you’re looking at stones side-by-side, you can see the difference in quality (or not) and he’ll want to pick the nicer-looking stone.
I wouldn’t go overboard with a checklist of requirements. I don’t know about your SO, but I think if I tried to micromanage my FI (particularly regarding the ring choice) he’d have felt a bit hurt and suffocated. He knew basically what I was interested in and I trusted him to pick it out- and he did a wonderful job.
So let him do his thing. Otherwise you might as well just go with him and pick it out yourself.
Post # 9
@BeachBride2014: Seriously love your ring!
Post # 10
- Wedding: July 2012 - Catholic Church
@Helloemi: I didn’t tell him anything specific except that I don’t like huge diamonds and I prefer white gold to yellow. Those were answers to questions he asked me though and he could have been asking for any sort of jewellery purchase. He surprised me with the ring and it’s totally different from anything I ever imagined having and so much better! No big diamonds though and it’s white gold :). He’s perfect.
Post # 11
@Helloemi: How would he feel about shopping together for the ring? He wouldn’t have to buy it that day if he really wanted it to be a surprise, but it might be helpful for both of you to see some rings in person (and try some on).
My fiance and I went shopping together. He wanted to make sure he got a ring I loved, and I couldn’t be happier with what I got. It’s perfect for me! Even though it wasn’t a surprise, the proposal was … All of the excitement doesn’t have to vanish just because you choose a ring together.
Post # 12
I asked, do you want me to send you the specs that tend to be the best value and he saod yes. I wrote a 7 sentence email explaining my prefered spec and why and he followed to a T and appreciated me savong him the time. I also told him to go to blue nile first, then you can compare to them.
Post # 13
@Helloemi: I am straight up, brutally honest with him! HAHA! We have a very honest relationship though (ie we talk about everything) I’ve basically sent him a couple of emails (I made a wishlist on moissy.com) and sent it to him. (If I gave hime a note or a piece of paper, he’d lose it) He wouldn’t have a CLUE about colour/clarity etc so I did all the hard work for him. I picked 6 different rings on there that I LOVE, so now all he has to do is is pick one and ‘add to cart’. I hope I don’t sound pushy haha I just know that his tastes are COMPLETELY different to mine… If he had the choice, he’s get me an emerald set in yellow gold… Where as I’m wayyyyy more into moissy/diamonds in white gold. This way, we both win!
EDIT: Mr Q thinks it’s great, he stresses out making decisions lol
Post # 14
@Kat: Thank you! He did a great job 🙂
Post # 15
i think your idea is too elaborate. why not just have a conversation about it
Post # 16
I showed my fiance pictures of rings that I absolutely DIDN’t like AT ALL…I wanted him to be able to pick it out all on his own but also know what I don’t like. It worked out great and I love my ring! I couldn’t not imagine anything better.