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My fiance and I have been together for six years almost and we won't be living together till we get home from the honeymoon in July. :)
I was in the same boat. I saw so many friends live with their boyfriends and then have no place to go during the breakup so I decided that I never wanted to live with a guy before we were engaged. My thought was that if we could afford to live together he could afford a ring and I never wanted someone to try me out. Once we got engaged we realized we wanted to buy a house so we just ended up staying put to save and then bought a house a couple months before our wedding. I have nothing against people who do live together, but for me I am happy with the decision I made.
I don't think we learned anything new about each other it has just been learning to deal with all of the quirks that we already knew each other had. I found it to be a very positive experience for us and we have really come together to be a team.
We've been together three years and won't be living together until maybe another three years after we get married. It's because I am still in grad school and he lives where he works, almost two hours away from me. We are totally fine with this arrangement and give people the crazy look when they suggest we get a place halfway and commute to our destinations. No thank you!
We see each other on the weekends too, and I feel we already know each other pretty well. I know how messy he can be, he knows how I can just give him that look and he'll pick up his clothes, and we've already established our roles as a team in the kitchen. We know each other's habits.
@yassim: Have you discussed your concerns with your FI?
It's a personal decision whether or not to live with someone before marriage. I would not marry someone without living with them first. It's so cliche, but really there are things that you don't learn about your partner until you live with them. You can't really know their habits, how they'll react to certain situations, etc. until you move in with them. If you're willing to go into marriage realizing that you don't know these things, go for it, just don't fool yourself into thinking you know everything about your partner either way. :)
I'm not going to live with my FI until we get back from our honeymoon either! We've been together for just over 3.5 years but I think that there will be a lot of adjusting, but it will be so exciting!
I didn't live with my husband until we got back from our honeymoon either! We firmly believe that if we are the right people for each other, there is nothing we could learn about each other by living together that would be a deal breaker. The whole live together before you are married trend is relatively new, and there were plenty of successful marriages before people lived together to test it out first. We have been married four weeks, and it is exciting to get used to each other in a whole new way!
We did not live together before we got married and we were in our mid-thirties. It was an adjustment getting used to living with someone after having lived alone for so many years.
We didn't live together before getting married.. Infact we didn't even get the keys to our apt till 2 days before the wedding. My mom gifted us with getting a "crew" of friends together and moving us while we were on our honeymoon. =)
We were together for more than six years before we got married and we did not live together until the night of the wedding. I have to say that we are both extremely happy that we made that decision. We actually feel like a family that we are. The adjustment for us has been very smooth. We knew each other so well that moving in together was very natural. I love that I come home to my husband, not a boyfriend or fiance. To those who say that you don't know the person well enough until you get married - I think that's absolutely untrue. How well you know them will depend on what your relationship is like before marriage and it doesn't have anything to do with living together. I have been married for over a month now and haven't yet found out anything new about my husband's habits or reactions to things. He says the same about me. I knew about all those little things as well as the big differences between us before we moved in together and I made every effort to make sure that I can deal with them before I we even started talking about marriage. I know that everyone's situation is different, but in our case it worked out perfectly. It was well worth the wait.
We don't live together, I just moved into the renal house we will be sharing after the wedidng. Glad that it isnt just us! He does have copies of my keys though, since I tend to lose things....
I moved in with my DH a month before the wedding bc I didn't want to have to deal with moving after the wedding. :) It was perfect for us.
What is special abaout marriage if you do everything that married people do BEFORE you get married? So FI and I have opted not to live together till we're married to leave SOMETHING undone until marriage...to us it will make us feel more married if we do not live together before.
FH and I are long distance and have been our entire relationship. I will be moving into our apartment about 3 weeks before the wedding so we technically will be living together then. We however will be in separate bedrooms because we are also waiting until we get married to do the dirty. (I know it's not actually dirty, I'm just a dork and like calling it that) I'm all for waiting until marriage before living together however I think that that is an individual decision. What works for one couple doesn't necessarily work for every couple. I am excited for when we actually get to see each other on a daily basis and learn about each other as husband and wife.
we didnt live together until we married, i went from my parents house to my husbands, neither of us wanted to live together until we were married
We've been living together since the 8th month of us being together, partly because I left my parents house and had no where else to go. Otherwise, I'm not sure if we'd be living together now or not.
if you are not morally against it (your post didn't really say either way), then I advise that it's a very good idea to move in together before the wedding. it's like a trial period. there is a big difference in the way you might behave around each other once you start to see each other all the time. suddenly, habits you didn't know each other had will come out, you might feel like you don't have enough "you" time any more, etc.
however, your situation is a little different. you've been together for over a decade! I would guess that you probably have a pretty good grip on how well you get along by now! I wouldn't be too concerned about it.
also, a little advice: make sure you set aside enough personal time to do whatever you like, and make sure you each have enough personal space too.
DH and I didn't live together until we were married, but he lived less than a mile away and we were functionally together all the time. He took all his meals at my house, had the key to my apartment, and his office was set up at my apartment (he was just renting a room in someone's house until we got married).
We did it for moral reasons, but like other PPs have said, there was nothing about our living habits that were going to prevent us from getting married to one another and there was nothing that we were keeping from one another that would be a major surprise after we got married, so it wasn't really an issue.
Living together is really fun and we love it, even though I'm sure I nag DH about little things. Really hasn't been that hard to adjust to at all. I think what really helped is that we moved to a new place (i.e. he didn't move into my apartment) and we started from scratch. We got a place with a washer/dryer and a dishwasher, so that made chores really easy. And we got a 2 bedroom apartment to give DH an office/mancave, so we have plenty of space for alone time. (There's a built-in office area in the kitchen for me). And all of the communal stuff in the house we got as wedding gifts or after we married, so there's a real sense of "our" house.
Nope. I have my own apartment, FI lives with his parents for now. We just got an apartment together, but we won't live there until after the wedding...just setting up house so that's it not such a scramble after the honeymoon, as my lease will be up fairly quickly afterwards.
@Mrs.LilyLunaLove: What is special abaout marriage if you do everything that married people do BEFORE you get married? So FI and I have opted not to live together till we're married to leave SOMETHING undone until marriage...to us it will make us feel more married if we do not live together before.
As someone who lived with her DH (then BF/FI) before marriage, I can tell you that marriage is still special to us. Things we find special include: creating our own family unit; celebrating our anniversaries; being given the rights of married people before the law; getting to call the other "my husband" and "my wife"; buying our first house together as a married couple; having other people accept without question that your spouse is the most important person in your life; great tax breaks; better health insurance; our honeymoon; extending our families through our in-laws, growing together as an "old-married couple"...
We did not live together before we got married. We actually owned a house during our engagement that hubby lived in and i opted not to. For us it was definitely the best decision. We've been married for over a year at this point and i can tell you the transition was very smooth.
I absolutely agree with aprilbee11 that you don't need to live with someone to know them better. It all comes down to what your relationship is like pre-wedding. before we were married i saw my hubby almost everyday. we ate at each others homes, ran errands together, did laundry together, etc.
We won't be living together before marriage. But I think that we have the best of both worlds, since we are semi-long-distance, so when I go to visit him, he stays with his parents down the road (we are very committed to not putting ourselves in "tempting" situations like even sleeping together, even though I am quite sure that we could spend the night in the same house without crossing any of our boundaries, we also want to avoid the appearance to other people of "sleeping together" with all its benefits, because we do not condone that behavior, and would not want to give the impression that we do.)
Anyhow, since I stay at his house and he is still "around" a bit, we still get to learn about each other in some of the ways that we would while living together, like what to keep the thermostat at, or how tidy we are in the bathroom, etc. :-)
we did not live together. I've spent weekends with him but thats it. Personally I'm traditional and feel like you shouldnt live together before marriage. Plus theres less to look forward to IMO if you already live together before the wedding.
You said you wondered if you "should" live together first because so many other people do. I would encourage you to evaluate what's best for you and not base your decision on what the norm seems to be.
We did not live together first. It was really important to me to wait until marriage to live together. Sometimes I felt like I had to defend that choice but, like someone wrote above, living together before marriage is pretty new and plenty of people had happy marriages before this trend. To me, part of the adventure of marriage is taking your relationship to new levels and creating a home together and I wanted there to be a very tangible change when we got married.
Been together for 5.5 years, and have lived together for 4 years! We are beyond happy with that decision. :)
FI and I won't be living together until after we get married. Obviously this decision isn't for everyone, but we are thrilled that we're waiting until we're married to live together and cannot wait to start this new and exciting adventure!
@Mrs.LilyLunaLove: I kind of take offense to that. I'm cool with it if you are morally against cohabitation, but please don't imply that other marriages are somehow less special if couples do choose to live together first.
My FI and I have been together for over 4 years, engaged for 15 months and we have never lived together. He is all over the country with the Marine Corps and I am finishing up Grad School, so I will move to whatever state he's in after we get married.
We didn't even do sleepovers prior to getting married. I think because we were so on the same page in creating a vision for our marriage and kept getting closer and closer, when we finally lived together it was a natural progression to 'living happily ever after.' It was nice creating a fresh start/home/married life together at the same time. No drawbacks that I can remember. It's been 1 1/2 years married, living together now and a couple for altogether 3 years total. Now, having a baby together....that was a huge adjustment!!!
We won't be living together before and possibly after the marriage...we're saving to buy a house...we get married in Jan...this month I will be moving out of my apartment to move in with my Future SIL and he's living with his parents which is only about 1 mile away...so we'll be living in the same city but not in the same house....
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I am wondering how many people did not live together until after they were married?
My fiance and I are HS sweet hearts, been together more than a decade, almost a couple yrs past that! And we don't live together yet... we wanted to wait until we could afford a house, but who knows what we'll get. But I think it's weird only because I feel like we -should- live together already, seems like everyone else does before they're married... curious if anyone is in the same boat at all?
Another thing too I also find there's a lot of things that will be different about our relationship by living together, isn't that right? Because right now we only see eachother on weekends... I am trying to paint a picture in my head of what it will be like, I am wondering if it will be a positive change considering living together brings you very close... I sort of feel like even though we've been together for so long our relationship is not at a certain level it could be or maybe should be at this point in time, I'm really curious of what's to come.