(Closed) Did anyone cut out sex before getting married?

posted 4 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Birdiebaby4:  I hope you’re still looking for advice since this is an older thread! My fiance and I have been together three years and are not virgins. However, we have old fashioned morals and decided to stop having sex over a year ago. We’ll be getting married in two weeks and when we finally do have sex again it’ll be about 14 months without sex. Now, we are really attracted to each other and had sex really often in the first two years of our relationship. I should also mention that the entire year we haven’t had sex we have lived together. I can’t really explain how we’ve been able to be so good about it, I think we just came to a mutual decision and have stuck with it. We knew it wouldn’t be forever and we knew that it’d be a time of growing and something to look back on and be proud of! I definitely think it’s doable and it will pay off in the end. Good luck in whatever you choose! 🙂

Post # 4
Member
400 posts
Helper bee

@Birdiebaby4:  We stopped having sex for the last 5 months leading up to our wedding. I thought it would make our wedding night that much more special. DH went along with it, but after we got married, he told me he thought it was the worst idea ever, haha. Poor guy. Honestly, my sex drive is nowhere near as intense as his, so stopping sex for 5 months was almost a non-issue for me. Also, I decided to get off BCP and do natural family planning instead, so I wanted to abstain while my body regulated itself after being on the pill for so long. I think we both really enjoyed the wedding night, though. For me, it was special. For him, it was sweet, overdue relief from a very difficult 5 months. We were living together most of the time that we were abstaining. That probably didn’t help him.

Post # 5
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I do not quite understand the correlation between not having sex (once you have already lost your virginity) and being old-fashioned.  Can someone explain?  I just do not understand the concept of having sex for years and then all of a sudden stop because you are engaged.  Can someone explain?

Post # 6
Member
8982 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Nope. My husband and I commonly go without sex. He deploys a lot, and I can tell you that when he comes back, the sex isn’t any more magical or fantastic than it was before he left. I think it’s silly to abstain before your wedding. But, different strokes for different folks.

Post # 7
Member
638 posts
Busy bee

 

 

@AngelR88:  Maybe they go by that whole “absence makes the heart grow fonder thing?” Believe me, there isn’t anything magical about a 2 minute wham-bam thank you maam sex session. Sorry, the “magic” takes practice, this isn’t the Notebook. 

 

Post # 8
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@princesslettuce14:  If you go without for so long, you are bound to finish in three seconds.  I do not see the appeal of it and would like to understand a little why people think it is something they ought to do.  I had never ever heard of such a thing ’till I started browsing this forum.  

 

Post # 9
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We really did not see the point!  In fact, Mr CL and I had a somewhat more active sex life than usual in the run up to the wedding.  Sex is just a single part of our relationship, not the be all and end all.  We wouldn’t stop having dates or having long chats in the run up to the wedding, so why would we stop having sex?  It would just be denying ourselves something we both enjoy for (as far as I can see) no good reason.

Post # 10
Member
1234 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

We kept having sex up until the Thursday before the wedding since we knew we wouldn’t be able to have sex on our wedding night due to the arrival of my monthly gift. UGH!

Post # 11
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Cummins59:  Euch, that sucks!  Mine showed up completely out of time and lasted for exactly the same length of time as our honeymoon.  I was so not impressed!

Post # 13
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I have never understood this idea. I have a friend that abstained 6 months prior to the wedding and when I asked her how wedding night went she said it was over in 2 minutes. They were also both super grumpy those 6 months and not just from wedding planning.

 

DH and I talked about it for all of a second before deciding it wasn’t worth it and made no sense. We’ve already been having sex why would going without for a while make the wedding night more special?

 

 

Post # 14
Member
2963 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Not planning to. I see no reason why.

Post # 15
Member
4050 posts
Honey bee

I don’t see the point if you have already been having sex. We have been having sex for the past 7 years of our 10 year relationship so it would be pointless to abstain now.

Post # 16
Member
2896 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t see what’s the point either, as someone said, the expectation will be so high on wedding night it will last 3 seconds … Are you really afraid to grow tired of your fiancé, sexually ? To me sex is important in a comitted couple because of complicity, intimacy … when we spend a long time not having sex it’s because something is wrong (one of us is sick, stressed, or the relationship is tensed). We would not push ourselves away for each other just to make it special on wedding night. It won’t be. And to be honest, we might even be so tired that we don’t actually have sex on wedding night itself ! And it’s totally okay. 

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