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I don't think I'd be pissed, but I might be a little annoyed. Either way, I'd get over it pretty quickly.
I think that as long as there is ample time between the weddings for people who are invited to both to attend both then there shouldn't be a problem.
One of my good friends announced her engagement in October and then quickly set a date for October 2010. I found out in November that I would be getting engaged (pending a ring) and started pre-planning with my FI's approval. I would have liked to have a September or October wedding but a) FI is still in school so that couldn't happen and b) I didn't want my wedding to be too close to my friend's so I set my date for August 9th, more than 2 months before her wedding.
Are you feeling mad because you think she's trying to one-up you? I think the only reason I would be mad is if the other person was making it out to be a competition or "beat me to the punch" so to speak. Otherwise, it wouldn't bother me.
We've had several friends get engaged after us and married or plan their weddings for before. I didn't cross my mind to be angry. We chose to set our date over a year out, so that was our choice.
I might be mad if I thought she did it to take away from my wedding and was stealing all of my ideas or something... other than that I can't see any reason why it would make me angry. It was nice of her to put a few months in between your weddings. Maybe that month just works best for her?
We got engaged in May 2009. In November 2009, our best man announced that he and his girlfriend would be getting married in December 2009. And they did! It was certainly very surprising, not least because they'd been dating for less than a year at the time of their wedding, but it seems many people are choosing to get married very quickly these days.
I think we brides get a little subconsciously accustomed to being the center of attention during our months of engagement, and when something like this happens it can feel a bit like something has been taken from us but we can't quite name what it is. I'm sure you'll feel fine about it within a couple weeks, certainly by the time these other weddings actually take place. Obviously, we don't get to lay claim to an entire year when no one else is allowed to get married. :) Just enjoy your own engagement and don't worry about anyone else's, same goes with the weddings themselves!
FI and I have been engaged since Dec 2008. We always knew that we would need to do a summer wedding, because I teach, and June seemed like the perfect choice. June 2009 was too soon b/c we are paying for the wedding ourselves so we said soon after we got engaged we'd be shooting for a mid-June 2010 wedding -- specific date pending the selection of our venue. We didn't choose our venue until April 2009....
Two of our friends got engaged in March 2009, and we have VERY similar tastes...so similar, we ended up choosing the same venue. Because of this the girl in the relationship decided to have a short engagement (October 2009) vs their first thought of a year-ish enagement (April/May 2010) and she admitted that one BIG reason was b/c she didn't want ours to follow 2 months behind b/c she thought she might feel like she was comparing hers to ours, or something like that. I get it, and it worked out for them...but at the same time it never really bothered me!
I would think as long as your friends/sisters who get married before you leave enough room so that oot guests can afford to go to all weddings, you're fine!
Yeah, I think LittleBirds is right, we shouldn't feel like we can lay claim to an entire year, but we kind of get taken away with all of the wedding attention. FSIL is totally not competitive with me. She never has been and I could never see her being that way. She is really mature and defn didn't do this to sabotage our wedding. Still, it was nice being the only bride. Plus, she just got her dress and I saw a pic Saturday and it looks A LOT like mine (she has never seen mine though, so she defn wasn't copying me) so I guess I'm still absorbing that.
My now-husband and I got engaged in August and were planning our wedding for the end of July of the next year.
My husband's cousin got engaged a couple months after us and originally planned their wedding for the coming April, before us. Then, for still unexplained reasons, they changed their date to about a week before ours. We moved ours back about a week, since our vendors were flexible, to make things easier on his family that would have to go to both.
So seriously NOT a big deal. It made things slightly more busy before the wedding (2x the showers, etc), but those are only a few hours out of your time. We did get some comments at the cousin's wedding along the lines of "Are you two taking notes?"...plaster half-smile on face, give weak laugh, and think to self...yes because our wedding is in 2 weeks and we haven't planned it yet.... :)
The feelings are understandable, but if you don't get passed them all you do is make yourself miserable and make others think you're being witchy for thinking the whole year is yours.
I totally get where you're coming from with the wedding attention. While it's a beautiful thing that marriage is about the commitment to each other or the sacrament or whatever, there's still a part of you, the bride, that would like to be able to fully indulge in all the details of the wedding... and you should also reasonably expect that everyone around you, especially your fiance's fam, will share in all of those indulgences with you as part of their happiness and support. Sharing the attention can be annoying, but definitely don't let it cheapen it for you.
At least the weddings are not back to back and there's several months in between!
Since FI and I got engaged a year ago, we've had two good friends get engaged- one of his elementary school-for-life friends and a really good friend of mine I met in college. I've been nothing but excited to share "our" wedding year with them! Both friends, oddly enough, are having two weddings (well, my friend's 1st wedding has already happened)- his friend is getting married in Hawaii in June (which is closer to where they live, Japan, then WI is) and then having a "at home" reception here in WI probably within weeks of our wedding. My friend got married in the UAE (where his wife is from) and are then having an "at home" reception in IL in June. All I can think is what a happy, celebratory summer we're going to have!
That said, I would be upset if anyone I knew set their date for the same weekend or even the weekend before us. Not only because we all share tons of friends in common, but also because I'll be far too busy and distracted to properly celebrate their wedding. I think its natural to worry about the date our friends and family set, but we can't control them and just have to roll with it.
my sister is going to vegas with her bf this week. my wedding is in 13 days. there's a little joke that she'll come home married.... which i wouldn't be upset because she'd be hogging the attention (i actually hate being center of attention and i'd love it if someone took it from me), i'd be upset because i've never met him and i don't want her marrying someone i don't know. but hopefully that won't happen!
honestly i wouldnt be mad unless it was hte same weekend. i dont expect someone to plan their own future plans around my wedding date.
my best friend from college got engaged in october and her wedding is planned for this october. my fiance and i got engaged in late november and our wedding is planned for august. i didn't do this to spite her, i did it because we honestly have no other time that is convenient to get married. i hope that my friend doesn't think that we are getting married first just because we set the date for a few months before them after getting engaged after them...
now, if a friend got engaged and was asking me all my ideas and then saying that she thought of them too and her wedding turned into a clone of mine, then i'd be annoyed. honestly, people have different reasons for wanting a short engagement. i wouldn't be mad at her for planning her wedding in such a short time. she might actually be really stressed about it, while you've got some time on your hands to get things done slower.
I know what you mean FI and I got engaged NYE 2008. We had planned our wedding date before we were enaged. (10/01/10)
We have good friends who got engaged in March 2009 when they hadn't even talked about getting engaged until after we returned home engaged and I was helping with the begining planning they were looking at November 2010. When they found out our date they magically moved their wedding up to March 2010.
I did get a tiny bit of joy when I was helping with some of the diy projects to find out that they wouldn't have their full budget and had to cancel their locations and hold a 150 person ceremony and potluck recepton at a rental cabin. (It's bad, but they haven't been good friends to use since we started planning our wedding out of town)
My cousin proposed to his fiance about three weeks ago . . . and then set the date of his destination wedding for two weeks before ours. I'm not mad, just a little stressed that my fiance and I will have to travel two weeks before our wedding. Lucky for us, I'm pretty organized. I also have a little concern about my family having to attend two weddings within a two week span, but at least our wedding will be local!
FI and I chose our date before we were officially engaged (October 11, 2010) and even booked our venue. Friends of ours who were engaged about a month before us but didn't announce their date until after us decided on October 10, 2010. I was ANGRY. I'm over it now because they're going to do it in another country.
Now, another pair got engaged Christmas 2009 and are having their wedding mid-late September 2010. I'm not very happy about this as I feel like my 'wedding time' is being taken away from this couple. They haven't decided on a date yet, but I've asked my FI to mention to them (he's better friends with them) nicely that we would prefer if they had their wedding as far away as possible from ours. I'm just concerned about similar taste and we shared so many of our wedding ideas with them before they got married! I'm really worried that they will do the same/similar... so from now on, I've sworn my FI to secrecy about our plans. =)
Yup, best friend of 20+ years (also bridesmaid) chose date 6 weeks before our wedding. I won't lie, I was peeved but there's some fairly humorous elements to the full story, so FI and I just giggle about the whole thing.
It's hard, but remember that these are probably the dates that work best for them. At least the weddings aren't the same weekend as yours or same month!
I agree... at least the same weekend OR the same month was not chosen because THAT would be really rude and REALLY hard to get over!
Well, seeing as how she chose April and she just found out she's knocked up? No. She probably woudln't have chosen to get married in April if she wasn't pregnant. It's not like it's within a few weeks of your wedding. Even tho you got engaged first and picked your date first, her "beating" you to the altar isn't necessarily a vindictive thing. She doesn't HAVE to go after you, just b/c you picked that date. Plus, she's pregnant! MAybe she wants to get married before she starts showing.
My MOH is trying to have her wedding 2 weeks before mine. Im her MOH also. Problem is, is that hers is a destination wedding so we would be gone for a whole weekend 2 weeks before my wedding. I just don't know how busy Ill be 2 weeks before the wedding and to take up that much time out of town scares me. So I told her it would be really hard on me. She hasn't decided anything yet but......duh, what is she thinking. 2 weeks before mine is also hard for me to do financially. She is in somewhat of a hurry and I think it is her fiance just trying to lock her down sooner. I wouldnt have a problem if we werent each others MOH but geeze.
One of my bridesmaids scheduled hers for 2 months before mine - I am her maid of honor, and she lives in Texas. We now have to delay our honeymoon so we can afford to go to her wedding in Houston, stay in a hotel, buy the Jim Hjelm dresses she picked out, etc. I shouldn't bi*** because I could have stepped down or whatever, but it does still kind of annoy me.
You get a day. Not a month. Not a year. It's kind of a hard pill to swallow when the attention gets pulled away from us, because we like being "The Bride", especially since it's your FSIL so it directly affects your family.
Regarding her dress: don't worry about it! No one except her and you will remember that they are similar by the time you walk down the aisle. She will look beautiful, you will look beautiful, and that is all anyone will remember.
I mean, I get it. A girl who has a lot of mutual friends with me (she used to be a close friend- isn't anymore, long story) got engaged after me. She isn't getting married for a year and a HALF, but she's already making tons of plans, taking girls to look at bridesmaid dresses (we have a few of the same girls in both our weddings), etc. I would love for her to hold her dang horses and just STOP planning her wedding until mine is over, but meh... there's nothing I can do about it, and I know she's just doing it because she's an obsessive compulsive organizer and not to piss me off. Point is: I'm sure your friend/FSIL didn't do it directly to piss you off. Especially since you yourself just said FSIL isn't competitive with you.
I would take this opportunity to have another girl to talk "wedding" with, since we all know how much more fun this is for us brides than it is for anyone else :)
I sort of did it to my best friend. They got engaged in September 2008, and set a date of March, 2010. We got engaged in July, 2009 and got married in December, 2009. My friend was ok with it, there are 3 months between our weddings. I think that it's not really a big deal. It would be different if she planned the weekend before or the weekend after yours, but a few months, I don't think is a big deal.
My MOH just got engaged and is planning her wedding for a month before mine [I've been engaged for 3 years, and the date has been relatively set for 2]; she also wants me to MOH for her---I was a little annoyed to begin with, but I eventually realized that there is really nothing I can do about it.
It's only going to be logistically difficult in regards to finances//planning etc. Frustrating, certainly. Doable? maybe. big deal? Not really, not in the grand scheme of things anyway.
I was engaged several months before my cousin--- her mother has always been a pecking order type of person. so after we had our wedding date set-- they set theirs--6 weeks before mine... knowing our family will have to travel to both locations-- and I fear making some choose.. now mind you including me their are only 5 cousins-- it's a very small family. I was angery at first, but decided that it's not worth it to worry or be angry over.
Sorry missmouse29, my bad. :(
To defend myself?! if I can, I didn't actually pick the date, my FI was very vocal that we have it on that date. However, because we just have taken an ecomonic segway with buying a condo and renos going WAY over the time they were suppose to I have been thinking I'll be pushing the date to the following year, 2012.
Ha, yes, been there.
We got engaged in early October of 2009. My cousin got engaged over Christmas of 2009 to her boyfriend of less than a year (I realize how long they've been together is inconsequential, I kind of just don't understand what the rush to get married is if they've only been together for a short while...).
By late October 2009, we had set our date for October 23,2010. By February of 2010, she had set her date for two weekends before mine. And it's on the other side of the country. So, I won't be able to attend hers and, I imagine, she won't be able to attend mine.
I'm not really mad, I just think it's a little strange.
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FI and I have been engaged for about ten months and our wedding is in July. Last month FSIL (who is a bridesmaid in our wedding) set her wedding date for this April. A close friend got engaged two weeks ago and put their wedding for later this month (in their defense, they just found out they're pregnant, so I totally get it).
I don't know whether I should be mad or not about my FSIL. Deep down, I think I'm totally fine with it, but part of me says I have a right to be pissed. Do you know what I mean? lol. Thoughts?