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Did anyone else wait to tell close family?

posted 10 months ago in Babies
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    1.
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    Running Elley    June 19, 2011   Fresno, CA

     

    This is killing me! Both my family and DH's family are VERY close. If you tell one person something the whole family knows almost right away.

     

    DH and I decided to wait until at least 10 weeks (preferrably 12) before we tell everyone about the pregnancy. Since I have had problems with PCOS in the past I'm very nervous about this stage of early pregnancy and we don't want anyone to know that we wouldn't be comfortable talking about a possible miscarriage about. We are very optimistic about the pregnancy and we are being very positive but it still doesn't hurt to play it safe. We'd both be very comfortable with sharing that kind of thing with our parents but if our parents know all of our siblings (9 altogether) know and if our siblings know our cousins know, etc.

     

    So we've only told my sister (she's my best friend, MOH, I tell her absolutely everything) but that's it. We're planning on telling the whole family together at the end of August.

     

    I talk to my Mom a lot and we spend quite a bit of time with FIL and MIL so it's been so difficult for me to not tell them all about it!

     

    Did anyone else wait to tell even close family? It seems like most people tell immediate family right away. Are we the only ones waiting?

     
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    His Barista    September 4, 2010   Spokane, WA

    We actually told all of our close family before the doctor confirmation, and we were going to tell everyone else after it...until my mom and SIL posted on FB. Then I had to out right tell everyone when I wasn't really ready.

    If you want to wait, you should. Especially since you don't know who all they will tell.

     
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    Buzzing bee
    Storm0075    September 10, 2011   MD

    We waited until Easter since we had all the kids and parents together. That was around 12 weeks for us. But it was more a matter of getting everyone together than anything. His children and mine.

     
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    Sassygrn    June 4, 2011   Minnesota

    We found out when I was 11 weeks along so, we told immediate family within in days of finding out and a few friends.  Everyone else found out much much later here.

     
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    artbee    February 28, 2010  

    We told our families right away. We were very strict in saying that they couldn't tell ANYBODY else, not my grandma, their friends, family, anybody. My mom's a big gossip, but if you tell her not to tell she won't.

    I'm glad I told them b/c I just felt like it made life easier. I didn't like going out to eat with people who didn't know b/c I always wanted to puke, and I didn't mind going with them. They understood if I wasn't feeling well.

     
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    Lozza    September 1, 2007  

    We found out right around 4 weeks, and told our parents and siblings around 9 weeks. After that, it filtered out to the rest of the family- I don't think my aunt and cousins knew till about 15 weeks.

    We'd had a previous loss, and I knew that was hard on my family as well, so I wanted to wait till we'd at least seen a heartbeat before we told anyone.

     
    7.
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    julies1949      

    Many couples wait to share the good news until past 12 weeks.

    For my second pregnancy, I didn't even tell my husband until I was almost 5 months. It makes the pregnancy go really fast!

     
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    Elarissa    June 18, 2011   Toronto

    I agree with you on the play it safe side from personal experience. August isnt that far away!

    Congrats btw :)

     
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    Quietserenity    October 16, 2010   Arizona

    I told my Mom and my Sister...but Mom has been unable to keep it quiet, so now I think that whole side of the family knows.  In retrospect, I might have waited, since I didn't want everyone to know right away.

    No one in DH's family knows, we'll tell them after we hear the heartbeat, I think.

     
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    hisgoosiegirl    June 18, 2011  

    We aren't TTC yet, and won't for a few years, but I plan on waiting until 10-12 weeks. SIL told everyone at 8 weeks and apparently the parents had known for a couple weeks (they didn't want to overshadow our wedding, which was very thoughtful). To me 6 weeks was way too soon, but to each their own.

    I just want to keep it to myself and enjoy it for a while. I might tell my BF, just because we tell each other everything (waaay more than I would say to my mom, MIL, and sometimes DH if it's a girl thing :P)

    My mom had two miscarriages, one before and after me, so I would just want to be further along and feel more 'safe' in the pregnancy. FYI, she did have three more children after that.

    I know my mom will completely understand and not mind at all, but I feel like DH's family will be like, oh, you've known for that long?

     
    11.
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    AvantLaLettre    August 2009  

    We were planning to wait but my MIL is quite ill so we told his parents right away. Then we couldn't not tell mine, so we told them too. We have yet to tell my siblings though, which we will do around 10 weeks (we're 7.5 now). In retrospect while it's wonderful being able to talk to my parents about it (we're very close), I probably should have waited to tell my parents too because my mom says she is going nuts not having my brother and sister know. I know it's hard for her so I probably should have spared her the secret-keeping! I just feel like if we tell them, they will tell people (like their own friends), and it will be less of a secret. 

     
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    red_seattle    April 17, 2010   Seattle

    I told one of my sisters first (we were doing a triathlon together at 5 wks into my pregnancy, and we were sharing a hotel room, so she was bound to see my prenatals, etc.). We were put in a position where DH felt guilty about not telling his mom at 8 wks, so we told her & his brother & dad at that point with strict warnings (emphasizing how our miscarriage risk was higher than most, etc) that we didn't want others to know until we know the baby was ok. We waited as long as possible to tell my parents, but in the end we told them a bit earlier than planned for various reasons, (at 11.5 wks for mom and 12.5 for dad), but even then, we felt good about it because they didn't have to keep it a secret for long (so they could be trusted with the info a bit more). We told my other sisters at the same time that we announced to our extended families (at 13 wks, once we had our results from testing).

    I'm really glad we waited, as hard as it was to keep it a secret. I did my share of avoiding phone calls and visits for a couple months there to do it--- but it was worth it. Totally. We'll definitely do it again in future pregnancies.

    Hang in there!

     
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    TheFutureMcBride    August 2010   Virginia

    Um, I didn't tell members of my family until I was forced to see them and I was in the third trimester, so it was pretty obvious.

     
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    abbyful    June 7, 2011   Kansas City

    Not pregnant yet, but we plan to wait until 10-12 weeks to even tell our parents.

    My parents will probably know the first time I say "no wine for me" though!

     
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    linguo42    February 27, 2011   Vancouver, B.C.

    @TheFutureMcBride: This will be me when DH and I eventually have kids. I'm not going to tell anyone until it becomes impossible to hide. Everyone clearly thinks you're entitled to their opinion when you're pregnant, and the longer I can put off my body becoming a free-for-all conversation topic, the greater the likelihood that Mommy won't do jail time for killing someone.

     
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    MrsMaine    May 29, 2011   Boston, MA

    Not pregnant yet, but we also plan to wait until the 10-12 week mark to tell our immediate families. I have PCOS, so not only am I worried about that phase of pregnancy and the heightened risk of loss, but I like the idea of having it be our little secret for a while ;)

     
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    Running Elley    June 19, 2011   Fresno, CA

    Oh I'm glad we aren't the only ones!! And it sounds like we definitely made the best decision...I'm sure our parents would have trouble not spilling the beans like it sounds like lots of people's families have!

     

    The hardest part was that I was training for a marathon when we found out and I talked about my training a lot so people are obviously asking me about my long runs, etc. So far we're just kind of fudging our way through it. They'll understand once we make the announcement.

     
    18.
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    Running Elley    June 19, 2011   Fresno, CA

    @MrsMaine:I am really enjoying that aspect actually. It's nice to have it just between DH and I right now, it's really special :)

     
    19.
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    Blushing bee
    dookie32    October 16, 2010   Chicago

    I'm waiting until after the first doctor's appointment to tell family and close friends. I would have liked to wait a little longer but it's going to be impossible to keep it secret from the people I see all the time. Our friends will be suspicious the second that I don't have a beer at a bar or party and I'm not a good liar so I'd never be able to pull off any BS story for why I'm not drinking.   

    It's really hard not to tell my parents- especially since this is going to be their 1st grandchild- but as my husband said- if you tell one person and tell them not to tell anyone and it gets out, that's your fault not theirs. The only way to keep it a secret is to keep your mouth shut!

     
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    skibobrown    July 31, 2010   CA (wedding in Bar Harbor, ME)

    Not pregnant yet, but we also don't plan on telling our families until 10-12 weeks, since my mom cannot keep her mouth shut.  II really don't want the whole world knowing I'm pregnant during the first trimester when there's a higher chance that things could go wrong.  I'm sure it will be *really* hard for me to not tell my parents though, so I definitely understand where you're coming from.  Good luck!!

     
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    mommytobee    January 3, 2010  

    We told my parents right away, and DH's parents a few weeks later (SIL had just miscarried so we wanted to give them time to heal)..  Anyway; for the next baby, we will probably wait.

    We asked my parents not to tell anyone, and they respected our wishes, but not without difficulty.. My mom kept calling me to ask when she could tell and complaining that it was so long and not fair, etc. 

    We will not go through that again and for the next pregnancy, no one will get the happy news before we're comfortable telling everyone.

     
    22.
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    Helper bee
    jubyju22    June 26, 2010   North Carolina

    We waited until 13 weeks to tell anyone including our parents and siblings.

     
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    MsMamaBear       Atlanta

    I waited until 8wks, which isn't long to some, but it was a lifetime to me to not tell my mom and sister something. I went ahead and did it because my friend was telling me how she had wished she had told her mom before she'd lost her baby at 12/13wks. I can't imagine dealing with that without my mom knowing. Seems it would hurt even worse.

     
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    Bumble bee
    Miss Root    07/04/10   Seattle

    Not pregnant yet, but I know I will be outed the second I have to see my parents and turn down wine, seeing as I have never met a glass of wine I didn't like ;).

    DH's parents have taken to offering us wine when we go to dinner at their house (and they NEVER used to do that prior to us getting married) and mimosas with brunch (again, NEVER happened before- they are just not big drinkers).  My MIL is just so funny; I would not for one second be surprised if she is trying to figure out if I'm pregnant or not by whether or not I'm drinking!

     

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