Post # 1
I’m in my 30s and never really thought about losing my last name. Now that it’s getting closer, it seems a little sad. I have a unique last name, but so does my future husband. I don’t have a problem taking his last name, it just feels like I’m losing part of my identity. Anyone else feel this way?
Post # 3
I’m not particularly attached to my last name, but it is the only name I have had. I don’t think my fiance would strongly object if I didn’t take his name, but I do think it matters to him a bit, which helped me push slightly toward the change name. But what really got me over that bump of “omg, why do I have to give up my dad’s name to take his dad’s name? How long has HE spent considering the option of taking my name? Hrmph!” was realizing that 1) my mom picked out my first name when she was in middle school 2) my dad’s mom passed away when he was 18 and her name is my middle name. So I feel like I have my mom and my dad already in my name, and I’m about to add my fiance to my name in taking his last name. So I will have three of my most important people in my name.
And thus, I’m getting used to the idea.
Post # 4
I’m getting married in Sept and I definitely feel sad. My dad died suddenly last year and every time I think about the name change I get emotional. I think your feelings are normal or so I’ve heard.
Post # 5
I never really thought about it until I changed my name at the Social Security Office. The clerk took my old card and said he was going to shred it as that was no longer my legal name…and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was really sad leaving the office and felt sad all day. So my husband and I went to dinner and toasted to my old last name and our future together. So I think what you’re feeling is completely normal 🙂
Post # 6
Yes, for sure. My father died when I was four and was very attached to my last name. It was super unique and everyone loved it. It was such a fun last name to have. I was really upset about changing it but in the end I knew I wanted to take my husbands name. Today, after five months of being married, it isn’t a big deal. It seems like so long ago that I had my maiden name and that my married name is so ‘me’. I know it’s hard but in the end it will all be fine.
Post # 7
@MrsF13: Same here, I had a wave of sadness as I was leaving the SS office!
OP yes I think that’s normal. It does feel like you’re losing a bit of yourself, but it helped me to think of it more as us starting a new family, and that our future children (if we have any) will have that name : )
Post # 8
For practical reasons, I’m beyond happy to change my name – moving my current last name to my middle name and taking his last name. I have a Japanese (so unusual in the US) first name, and my last name is Kelly. So for the last 30+ years, my bank, doctor, dentist, DMV and every one else has swapped my first and last names. I’ve actually had a DMV worker ask me if I was sure that they printed my license incorrectly. His name is unquestionably a last name, and I’m looking forward to not having to correct people constantly about the order of my name.
From an emotional perspective, it’s a little different. I didn’t take my ex-husband’s last name, so this is a new experience! I’m a little sad to see it go, but since I’m keeping it as my middle name, it’s not going away, it’s just moving up a spot!
Post # 9
I had a really hard time with it too. I felt like I would lost my identity for sure. However, when it came to change it didn’t bother me near as much as I thought. I also realized that this name will be my name for a longer time in my life than my maiden name. So its my new identity.
Post # 10
@MrsF13: Aww, that will likely be me. I am not close to my dad at all so it’s not like that’s part of it, but I do see being like “omg I’m not a _____ anymore, I’m a _____” and it being weird, but a happy thing, lol.
Post # 11
I’m a little bit sad because I am the last person of my generation with my family’s last name. All three of my dad’s older sisters took their spouses’ names. My dad has a brother with the same last name, but he has 2 daughters, both of whom took their spouses’ names when they got married. I’m an only child, and that makes me the very last person in my extended family who will have this last name. I’m still taking my FI’s name though – my parents have made it clear that they want us to be a family and don’t care whether we share the same name or not.
Post # 12
@agaldesign: I was for a little while, especially leading up to the day. Now I am so happy to be a part of his family that I am excited about having his first name. All I have changed so far is my SS card and I mailed off my passport change yesterday. I wish I was done with everything already lol
Also, I have had my last name for 32 years so it was definitely sad to lose that aspect of my identity, but in the end I decided it didn’t matter and really I am just adding something to myself, not losing who I was before.
Post # 13
Thanks for all your support ladies! I guess everyone will call you by your husband’s last name anyway. I always considered myself somewhat of a feminist, but it is so important to him that it isn’t worth the battle. And he does have a very cool last name!
Post # 14
Sometimes I feel sad about changing it but then I remember that my name will now be alot shorter and easier to say once I change it so that cheers me up 🙂
Post # 15
I was sad about it, so I hyphenated. That has proven to be a giant clusterf*&k of problems in and of itself. There isn’t a computer out there (including the social security office’s) that accepts hyphens for offical stuff. Which means My prescriptions get messed up because they get sent in as Crayfish MineHis instead of the insurance’s record of Crayfish Mine His (note space) and I get to spend an hour on the phone with my doctor or insurance every single time. Or, My credit card gets declined because I put a hyphen or space in, but the card has no space when shopping online.
I should have left well enough alone and just kept my name.
Post # 16
Some days I get that panic feeling (I’m not even engaged yet but we will be), but I’m excited. My last name is one letter away from being a swear word….and I’ll be changing out to something twice as long…maybe that’s why I panic sometimes? Not sure.