Post # 1
I don’t really have a church that my FI and I attend and was thinking about getting one of our friends from college (FI was bffs with him and roomates) to marry us. he’s great in front of crowds (he’s in law school, ha). i’ve just never been to a wedding where someone that wasn’t a pastor married someone, i guess.
if you’ve done this-how did it work out? do you regret it?
(here in south carolina you just need to be a notary to legally marry someone. cool, right? hah.)
Post # 3
I’m not married yet, but FI and I are considering asking his college best friend. She has known us throughout our relationship, and her fiance is a groomsmen. I’d love to hear what others have to say about this!
Post # 4
My mom married us! In CA anyone can be a deputy officiant for a day (I think it cost like $50 for the permit?).
Post # 5
We’re having our brother-in-law… we’re not religious and he just “gets” us and our humor, so he’s definitely on board to do anything or everything and throw in his own spin. He knows us, and how we evolved, and I couldn’t imagine having someone as a borderline stranger marry us.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@amandasouthcarolina: My FI’s fraternity father is marrying us. He’s a notary public. FI wrote the ceremony for the friend to read since he hasn’t ever married anybody before and didn’t have a ceremony script like some officiants do.
Post # 7
@amandasouthcarolina: We’re planning on doing it. We just went to a wedding where they had the roommate of the groom officiate, and it was an amazing ceremony. The officiant/friend wrote the whole thing himself and I think the couple said that they read an outline, but hadn’t heard it before. Everyone thought it was really nice, personal, and special.
Post # 8
@amandasouthcarolina: we’re having a friend do it, and FBIL and his wife had a friend do it last year. for us it was way more comfortable asking a friend with no experience to do it than it would be asking a complete stranger WITH experience. we just felt like every secular wedding officiant we looked at online was so awkward and creepy.
Post # 9
@amandasouthcarolina: I’m a notary in SC and I went to a wedding where the bride’s uncle (I think he was) is a good public speaker so he did the ceremony and I just signed the license. If you have someone willing to marry you and you think they would do a good job, I say go for it! The SC Secretary of State’s website has a sample script under their notary section. You could use that as a start and go from there!
Post # 10
@amandasouthcarolina: it was easy for us bc in the state we’re getting married in, you don’t have to be an anything, according to the county clerk. we’re having him get a free online ordainment just in case but the rules are super loose.
FWIW, if you have a friend do it id pick a close friend with similar value/personality to yours who is good at speaking in public. FBIL’s wedding was fine, but you could tell he was nervous and the ceremony was pretty generic.
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2014 - Twin Oaks Garden House
We are having one of our best friends marry us. He was my good friend before my FI and I got together so hes seen us through everything.
My FSIL just got married and the grooms best friend married them. it was great! just thing he shared with everyone was special becuase we knew it came from the heart and he had known them since they were together.
Post # 12
DH and I are both atheists- we were married in an old church/chapel that was turned into an art center, we had my childhood bff marry us– I’ve known this guy since we were 3!
It was really great to have someone who knew us so so well.
Post # 13
@amandasouthcarolina: We are asking on friend from high school to marry us…however he just happens to went to Divinity School and is in the early stages of becoming a pastor to a church. We belong to a church but don’t feel a close connection to the pastor just yet so we want to ask him instead.
Post # 14
My brother was ordained through the Universal Life Church and married us. Worked out beautifully and he did a great job. I just wasn’t comfortable with a stranger doing it.
That said, we had a huge fiasco prior to that when we had one of our friends ordained. My advice is always: really know who you’re asking to marry you. It blew up in our faces less than 10 weeks before we got married. In our situation, he was a little pushy with his advice and had trouble taking ‘no’ for an answer. I kept writing it off, shrugging it off…and it was stupid of me.
It culminated with him insulting me, insulting the ceremony we picked, then telling me that he was going to change it – and he wasn’t taking no for an answer. It’s not like we had him up there performing the ceremony in leetspeak (do I sound like a person who would pick something like that?).
When I saw he was trying to strongarm us into doing things his way, and that after getting paid a few hundred bucks just to stand up there and read for 10 minutes, I was done. I was polite about it and just explained that my brother wanted the chance to do it.
Best decision I ever made and it ended the friendship – he never offered to repay the money, then came to our wedding, enjoyed craploads of booze and didn’t even bother to get a card. What a winner.
I think family’s a little less inclined to pull bullshit like that. Partly because they’re a little more invested in the relationship, usually, and they often have to ‘see’ you after the wedding. It always depends on who you pick, though.
I was very happy with my brother.
Post # 15
thanks everyone for your advice !!!!
Post # 16
I know I’m late to this party – but, OP, we had our friend marry us and it was the best decision ever!!! I think if you want to, you should absolutely do it. He wrote the whole thing (we didn’t do the run of the mill religious stuff) and it was amazing. So personalized, too. 🙂