Post # 1
I’m just curious. The plan has always been for him to purchase it, but I can tell it’s stressing him out a bit (or its one of his famous “pre-suprise” acts). The other day as he was going through mail, he said, out of left field, “If i didnt have [bill] i’d go buy an engagement ring TODAY.”
So obviously the want-to is there, but I really dont want the saving and stressing to be something he looks back on and hates.
I understand there are several obvious concerns: a)pride being hurt b)suprise being compromised c)if, god-forbid, we broke up, there’d be a battle over it.
Did anyone help pay for their ring? What was the plan? How did you bring it up?
I really don’t think he’ll let me because of a)his pride b)fear of ruining the suprise, but I at least want to consider the idea.
Post # 3
I actually paid for the whole thing upfront when we bought it together. We bought it during a sale, and I had all of the money in savings. We were both recently employed at the time and I got paid less frequently in larger chunks than he did, so I had savings and he didn’t. My ring was almost exactly 2 months of rent. We decided to split the cost of the ring, so he paid one of my months of rent in return.
Post # 4
I guess I did. It’s joint money anyway, so technically yes. It got discussed because we had the marriage discussion, went shopping and talked about ring options (likes/dislikes/price), we picked one and bought it. He still surprised me with the actual proposal. There wasn’t a pride issue because it was our money, being spent towards our goals.
Post # 5
I wanted to, but he wouldn’t have it. We’re doing a lot of non-traditional things for our wedding and this is just one he really wanted. There are very few details of the wedding process that he feels strongly about, so I’m not going to fight him on the ones that are.
To help myself feel better I’m saving up money for the honeymoon as a surprise for him.
Post # 6
He bought the engagement ring (I had no idea he was going to propose) but we bought both wedding bands out of our joint account. I’m not sure what’s normal on that as I’ve heard a number of couples who bought each other their band, where we just split them both even though my band was like 5 times as much as his.
Post # 7
If you can’t bring it up, maybe you need to rethink how you communicate. Is his “pride” really so fragile that an offer to give him some money for a huge expense will be hurtful? It’s hard to say how to interact with your SO if that’s the case.
As for us: We saw some rings I liked, and it was a conversation. I told him I would like a gemstone ring because it was more affordable, but that I might have an heirloom diamond if I asked around.
I said, “Are we going to take the cost out of our monthly split of expenses?” He said he wanted to cover it, which shocked me, but I also knew catering and stuff was going to come out of my account, so it seemed fair. (It was $295 for my engagement ring and both our wedding bands after the heirloom diamond was dug up, so possibly quite different from most people’s experiences. Ultimately, it’ll be paid for by our parents’ help with our wedding expenses, but I’d have kicked in any amount needed, and he knew that.)
Post # 8
I did. We’re entering into a marriage in which we are equals and what’s mine is his/his is mine, so I had no issue doing so. HE was a little harder to convince, but I’m happy we did it.
Post # 9
Our money was pretty much joined since we got engaged and completely joined after we got married, so even though I didnt technically pay for it. I felt it was a joint purchase, espeically since I “loaned” (gave) him half the cost of the ring after he bought it for some of his investments.
Post # 10
I didn’t help pay for mine, but I knew he wasn’t in the best financial situation so I didn’t look at any rings over $1500 and ended up falling in love with my heart shape ring which was around $1400 so it worked out. 🙂
Post # 11
No, I didn’t even know he was going to propose…even if I did know he wouldn’t let me pay for it. (I usually don’t pay for anything when he is present).
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2014 - Legare Waring House
I tried…but my FH is a tiny bit stubborn and even more traditional. It also didn’t cost an arm and a leg, although his rent is so inexpensive I guess technically is was 3 months worth!
Post # 13
he purchased the e-ring and band but I’m purchasing a wrap/enhancer for my e-ring today to keep it from turning around all the time….we tried to resize it to avoid an enhancer but since the band on my e-ring is so dainty and the stone is heavy, it turns regardless of resizing. *shrug* as mentioned before, it’s joint money
Post # 14
@Eckle: I like that idea. I might be able to get him to do that.
@Kit_Kath: Also a great idea to pay for honeymoon!
@pinkshoes: I like this plan as well!
Thank you all for your help!! Our finances are not joined and I dont know that they ever will be except for one account we’d both put money into for bills and a savings one operated in the same fashion. I think i’m going to just ask if he’s needing help with any other bill or something to take some of the weight off. I just really dont see him agreeing to take any money from me, but he may be cool with me “helping” on something else 🙂
Post # 15
I was engaged previously, and I bought the ring because he was a totally broke student and I had a full-time job. It actually worked out very well because after we broke up, I traded the ring back to the jeweler for a pair of beautiful bird earrings (independent artist, she was happy to take the ring off my hands and cleanse/bless it so someone else could make it theirs).
Post # 16
Well, it wasn’t bought outright, it’s on a specific credit card. But since we share a bank account, we basically both pay on it. I actually like it that way. I don’t see any need for him to pay for it all when it’s something that symbolizes our engagement.