Post # 1
I think the subject line says it all. I keep reading about brides getting their BMs hundreds of dollars worth of things. A bag, a robe, earrings, jewelry, makeup, an all expense paid vacation to Tahiti (okay maybe not that one).
Did anyone stop at one thing and let it be? I would love to shower my brides with materialistic things to say thank you. But I found one beautiful thing (gorgeous necklaces from etsy that can be customized) and I’m stopping there. My budget just won’t allow me to drop $100 per person on each girl and my personal finances are tight, so I can’t buy them things from my pocket.
I guess the question is…is a BM gift completely expected and is it expected to be extravagant? If I just get my BM’s this one thing, do you think they’ll be disappointed or will they even know that sometimes they are supposed to get spoiled?
What did you give your girls?
Post # 3
I think it depends on your regiobud wedding budget and what you are asking of BMs. Is few months ago, I thought these were ridiculous gifts too, but I’ve found myself buying more and more. all of my BMs have been super helpful and since the wedding is OOT for all of them, they are going to be putting up quite a bit of $$ ($180 bm dress), so I wanted to try and “pay them back” some in gifts. However, I am really fortunate to have my parents funding the wedding, so this is one of my only major expenses. I surely would not have the money had I been paying for the wedding.
finally, only you know your BMs. Do you think they would expect a lot? Have they been to a lot of ritzy weddings. Hopefully you have awesome BMs that would be there for you no matter what so any gift is a nice one. Also, weddingbee tends to favor the extravagant, in that the people who post about Bm gifts are the ones who did something awesome, and people with more modest gifts tend to keep them to themselves.
Post # 4
I once was in a wedding where it was clear she had raided some dollar store bin for random knick knacks that had nothing to do with any of us (I got some little sign that said how much I hated the outdoors — I don’t hate the outdoors). I wish she had just given us all a nice handwritten note about what it meant for her to have us be in her wedding, but the complete lack of thought was actually much worse.
However, it doesn’t have to be completely extravagant either. I’m all in favor of practical gifts, so I got my bridesmaids these awesome travel jewelry rolls and some nice robes (and I’m paying for their hair). My MOH gave us all gorgeous silver ball earrings that we wear all the time. As long as it’s thoughtful, I don’t think the price you spend matters as much.
Post # 5
I wasn’t planning on spending a bunch of money on my BM, but after being in a friend’s wedding and not receiving much from her (especially since her budget is nearly 2x’s mine) it just feels like we spent all our money and time for her but she didn’t show a lot of appreciation. Not that I’m super into gifts, but the way the situation was handled in general makes it feel like what we’ve given wasn’t that appreciated. I will probably spent as much as my budget can handle.
Post # 6
@MrsFutureG: I had 3 bridemaids. One was my cousin and my aunt paid for her dress and alterations and stuff. The other two my mom purchased their dreas bc she watched some wedding show and one girl was crying bc she couldn’t afford the BM dress. So, my mom felt it was her duty to pay for them. I purchased their shoes and jewelry, then gave them each a $30 gift. (I did put some thought into their gifts tho.)
For the groomsmen, I (my husband and I shared finances for years before getting married) paid for all of their tuxes, and we gave the best man a bottle of liquor.
However, I should note that we didnt have a bridal shower or ask the bridal party to help with wedding planning. So, an expensive gift wasn’t really warranted IMO.
Post # 7
I got them each a candle and a pashmina, they loved it. Compared to what I see on here most girls get a lot more! I felt bad at first but I knew it didn’t matter in the end.
Post # 8
I don’t think I went super overboard. My wedding was a DW so I paid for their dresses and shoes since I didn’t want them spending more than they already were to attend, and I also got them each a scarf that I thought reflected their personal taste and a cute print from etsy. If it wasn’t a DW I probably would have gotten them just the scarf and print.
The last wedding I was in we got cheap jewelry to wear the day of which I have never worn again, and I didn’t mind that at all considering it came with a heart felt note and a big hug!
Post # 9
@OtterHalf: We can’t afford the dresses (though my fiance refuses to budge and we ARE paying for the tuxes). I’m paying for the girls’ alterations though.
We’re asking a lot, but not time. All of my BMs are in NJ, I’m in NC, so they’re travelling down here and paying for rooms. But I have planned this wedding almost completely by myself and have made it clear that if they can’t swing anything, I’ll find a way to make it work.
Still, I am beyond grateful for their willing ears when I need to talk and just for them being my friends. So I feel bad for not showering them with ALL the things!
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I plan to order pashminas they can wear for the wedding if it’s cold and a starfish and pearl necklace. I will also plan to write a thank you note.
My expectations for the bridesmaids are modest because we are having a budget wedding. They are encouraged to shop sales to find their dress (mismatched BMs) and I have let my MOH know I do not expect a shower or bachelorette since this is my second marriage. I am letting them do their own hair and makeup and pick out their own shoes too.
Post # 11
I didn’t. Mostly because I couldn’t think of anything they’d all want other than $$ or a giftcard and that’s kinda impersonal. I got them custom jewelry to wear to the wedding and a monogrammed pashmina and a nice card. I also paid for their nails and makeup. They all seemed happy and grateful for it.
Post # 12
@MrsFutureG: I couldn’t afford the dresses either….my mom generously offered to pay that one herself. Have you already picked out a gift for them? If not, I would appreciate the bride paying for my room one night as opposed to another gift I probably really don’t need.
Post # 13
@MrsFutureG: I am spending over $200 each per girl for 6 girls. However, last year I was MOH in a wedding that I spent a lot of money to be in and coordinated her shower and bachelorette and she gave us $1 KEYCHAINS as a thank you gift and no cards or anything. It stung a little. I dont need nor was I expecting a $100 gift but she could have put a bit more time and effort into showing her appreciation.
Post # 14
@gelaine22: Damn! There’s definitely a middle ground between those two points! $1? Unless she got the DEAL OF THE CENTURY, that was more of a last second “oh shit I forgot my BMs, quickly, to the dollar store!” gift.
Mine are about $30 apiece, but I think it is a good deal. I decided on them before most of the other details were hammered out and I put a lot of thought into the gift. They’re not expensive but they’re not an afterthought either.
Post # 15
I’m making necklaces for my BM’s, buying the ties for the groomsmen, and writing everyone thank you notes. I won a Mary Kay makeover for them, too. I might put together a cheapo little thank you bag for all of them as well with chapstick, nail polish, and some candy or something.
If I could go the whole nine yards and get them monogrammed bathrobes, and buy all of their dresses for them, and get them a horse-drawn carriage complete with booze and Prince Charming, I would!
Post # 16
I don’t think I’m going overboard. Earrings ($10 each at Kohl’s, paid for with Kohl’s cash), necklaces that I sourced/put together, and I think I’m going to DIY a tote for them. Maybe some other small stuff if I find something. Card/thank you letter. My expectations aren’t very high for them, because they all have busy lives and I don’t need any help with anything.