(Closed) Did anyone NOT want an engagement ring?

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i got the diamond ring & the matching diamond band because i wanted them but really, i hardly ever wear them!  i have a backup plain gold wedding band and its what im wearing almost full time

what if you remodel your ring so its both a wedding & engagement ring?



Post # 4
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Well, just explain to him that you’re not into the diamond bands and why. I think he should understand and respect that, because a diamond custom band will be a lot more difficult than a plain custom band. Either way it’ll probably have to get fit and soldered to your ring. But, if you want the option at some point to stop wearing your e-ring all the time, take that into consideration.

I’m a metallic engineer and i get my hands dirty a lot. I touch lots of hard materials and bang my hands around more than I should. And my diamonds hold up just fine. I really don’t have an issue with it.

I think the big thing about diamonds (besides the fact that most women love them) is that it’s so obvious that you’re taken and the guys love laying their claim =]. So it may just be that your fiance wanted to show very openly and in your face to everyone that you’re engaged and taken and “wham, take that” kind of way. I only think this because mine told me he loves how “obvious” it is that I’m taken, that there’s no way you can mistake that i’m not single. It’s a guy thing, they want to prove they can provide, etc etc. I’ve seen doctors with really nice, low settings, so I know they’re out there. having a really thin plain band will not sit as high as a band with diamonds, by the way.

Post # 5
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I didn’t want an engagement ring, either, since rings aren’t really my thing & I use my hands while I work, too.  I am VERY lucky with Fiance because he listened & DIDN’T get a traditional ring.  Instead, he chose a necklace with a pendant in the shape of a circle (in keeping with the idea of eternal love) with a plumeria (signifying my Hawaiian heritage) & a diamond in the center (to show that our love is the strongest thing on Earth).  Gotta love a guy who listens. 

We are looking into basic wedding bands -plain & thin, like ejs mentioned-, since we can’t come up with an alternative to those rings that we both like.  And I think that’s the most important thing – finding something that makes you BOTH happy, not a compromise in which you both lose.  Talk it out with your fiance &, if this is really important to you, discuss other options that he’d be happy with that don’t interfere with your indifference to diamonds & rings.  Share that your commitment to each other is important to you, too, but that it doesn’t HAVE to be symbolized in a diamond studded band…maybe he’s concerned that the diamonds show how much he cares, or that you’re just testing him, or something equally silly.  I think it’s important in your marriage that you both listen to each other & understand what’s important to you both…whether it’s rings or some other bigger decision down the line.

Sorry, I may have read more into your story than necessary…please feel free to disregard if I over stepped.

Post # 6
76 posts
Worker bee

If it’s going to be extremely difficult to find a ring that doesn’t have diamonds, then I guess it’s not a big deal to go with it. You don’t seem dead set against it. Since you might wear the wedding band by itself a lot because of work, does it really need to fit with your engagement ring? I would also explain to him that you’d be less comfortable wearing a band with diamonds at work. If he really does want the symbolism to be there on your hand as some of the ladies have suggested above, maybe finding a plain band would be more important to him then.

I didn’t want a fancy engagement ring either and would have been happy not having one at all. I am pleased that he gave me his mother’s ring instead. His parents are a great couple so it’s nicely symbolic and it’s nothing flashy which makes me very happy.

Post # 7
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I didn’t want an engagement ring because I have always looked at the whole practice as a way of “laying claim” and it just didn’t really sit well with me. I also am not a big fan of diamonds or jewelry in general. I had told my fiance this, but he is very very traditional. What he ended up doing was getting me a ring with a stone that is my favorite color (green) and 6 small diamonds in the band. Its very pretty, and I like it alot.

I am amazed by him because he somehow got me a ring that I would have picked out myself without my input, and the size was perfect!

Post # 8
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I knew I didn’t want a diamond ring, because I work in the theatre and with small children, plus I also have issues with the idea that my Fiance “has” to buy me something with such a high price tag.  We eventually settled on a white gold claddagh ring instead, symbolizing love, loyalty, and friendship.  So go with whatever makes you comfortable.  If you’re going to be wearing your wedding band all the time, it should something you love, so if diamonds aren’t part of the equation, don’t get them!

Post # 9
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Could you suggest that you get matching plain wedding bands, and just wear that? If you already have an e-ring, you can wear it for special occasions but wear a plain band most days, including work. The meaning behind a simple band that’s the same for both of you might help him get past “needing” to give you diamonds.

On my side, no, I didn’t want an engagement ring. But I got one anyway, after we’d already started planning the wedding, and it’s a sapphire with some small round diamonds along the band, and I love it. At first it was weird. I didn’t even wear it all the time. But I got used to it and it really makes it easier now that we’re married and he’s wearing a “tag” too.

Post # 10
1037 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - Carlouel Yacht Club

Could you do a combo deal, per se?  You could always get a diamond band to wear with your e-ring for times when you are out on a date/not at work, and get a plain band to wear at work?  I know you can get a simple band for not too expensive…could there be a compromise in that?

Post # 11
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I wasn’t really sure I wanted an engagement ring or not. The reason I didn’t is because I didn’t want a long engagement. And to me, whats the point of spending a lot of money on an engagement ring for a short engagement. I said I’d rather have a diamond eternity band as my wedding band. Of course, my fiance is very traditional and he wanted to give me a ring. And I have to admit, I love it and I’m very glad he gave me an engagement ring. So now we are going to go with a plain band with the option of adding more diamonds later.

Post # 12
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Just a suggestion:

What about getting the plain wedding band you want, and after the wedding, wear your e-ring on your right hand in the European fashion. That way you save money on getting the ring customized, AND no extra diamonds. :]

Post # 13
47 posts
  • Wedding: August 2010

I didn’t want one at all, for a number of different reasons, and he knows me well enough that he didn’t get me one (yay!).  We are doing wedding rings, for the symbolism, but no gems and nothing fancy. 

As for the wedding ring, it seems like you have already appeased him with the other ring.  Can you get the ering reset as a necklace (or something else that you would like better)?  Or ask a local jeweler if he or she could design a simple wedding band for you?

Post # 14
19 posts

I don’t think you need to appease him by including diamonds in your wedding band… I would probably compliment him on the engagement ring, and tell him how special it is to you, etc., etc., and then stress how important it is to you to have something simple.  Sometimes I find that I think I am being direct and stating my wants very clearly, but still my SO doesn’t quite hear the same thing I think I’m saying.  I’d try to be very direct and firm about it, because really, you want what you want, and if a diamond(s) is not important to you, there’s no sense in him spending exorbitant amounts of money on another ring.

Good luck!

Post # 15
1757 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I also never really wanted an engagement ring – it always just seemed silly to me to spend a bunch of money on a ring. Plus, I’ve never even worn a ring. Ever. And then, my fiance proposed and presented me with a *gorgeous* ring, and I love it. I never in a thousand years thought I’d be a woman fascinated by the sparkliness of her ring, and now, I am. It’s become a sort of security blanket. I had a seizure recently and had to go for an MRI, and I was terrified – loud noises really freak me out. The whole time I was in the machine, I gripped that silly ring for dear life. Maybe rather than viewing the ring as a piece of jewelry, you could try and see it as a part of your fiance/husband that’s always with you.

Post # 16
888 posts
Busy bee

I didn’t reallywant an engagement ring.  I never wear rings and I also didn’t like that I was getting this expensive piece of jewelry (which I always felt like if I wanted, I could buy myself) and he gets nothing.  But my partner really wanted me to have one and now, I have a beautiful ring which I love and I am very happy with it. 

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