(Closed) Did anyone set their expectations too high for their wedding day?

posted 5 years ago in Recaps
  • poll: What was your wedding day experience?
    My expectations were high and I was slightly disappointed : (4 votes)
    18 %
    My expectations were high and I was extremely disappointed : (2 votes)
    9 %
    My high expectations were met! The day was everything I thought it would be and more. : (9 votes)
    41 %
    Other : (7 votes)
    32 %
  • Post # 3
    3357 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I’m of the mind that your wedding day shouldn’t be the best day ever. If it is, then imagine it’s downhill all the way after that!

    also, you already know that having any sort of expectation is more likely to end up in disappointment.

    Post # 5
    818 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @strawbs:  I agree with this!

    I come from a very disorganized family who I love to death and it has taught me to try (the key word here haha) to keep everything in perspective about days like this and not worry so much. There is no way things can go exactly as planned or be exactly as you picture it. But if you let loose and try not to get ahead of yourself with ideas and imaginings of how the day HAS to be you won’t be disappointed and it can exceed your expectations. I’ve seen brides build it up and make themselves MISERABLE because of it. 

    I’m less than 90 days away and I don’t think I have many preconceived notions or major ideas in my head to compare to and that’s what I recommend 😀 it’s your wedding day so as long as you have the right attitude you will have an amazing day!! 

    Post # 6
    989 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I had high expectations – for what you spend on one day, it’s hard not to – and was disappointed by a few vendors, but overall, it was still a great wedding and a hell of a party.  I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having high expectations, as long as you are able to still roll with the punches if something goes wrong.

    Post # 7
    1193 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @KaleighMarie:  at this point my expectations are so low that I couldn’t be disappointeD. Maybe that’s a good thing. I’m trying to find my excitement again. Since my big day is next week 

    Post # 8
    6256 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I have insane expectation.

    However, I also am counting on the moment that I’ve read about in OBB and APW–there’s supposed to be this zen, transcendent “f— it” moment just before the wedding day where you realize you’ve done all you can and it’s time to let go.

    But I am still hiring a DOC just in case.

    Post # 9
    2414 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think it can be the best day of your life depending on your expectations and how you approach the whole day going in from the start. 

    I think if you’re truly focused on the significance of the event — the commitment, the love, the promise to stay by each other’s side forever — then it can and should be the most joyful day of your life.

    On the other hand if you expect that things will unfold in a certain, precise way, it can become tempting to focus your attention on details such as food, music, timeline, photographs, greeting the guests, the food, the music, the weather, the blah blah blah. I think that is where things can potentially become disappointing or upsetting.

    My advice would be to plan well, plan thoroughly, and on the day of the event kiss all of your expectations good-bye and go with the flow because at that point, things are pretty much out of your hands. Whether things go flawflessly well or whether they go wrong, let your energy and thoughts be focused on one thing and one thing only: committing to your husband, and being grateful for the love you share.

    I recently had dinner with a friend who was married several years ago. She said that the day she was married was the best day of her life. Her face just lit up when she talked about it. She is still glowing three years later at the mention of her wedding. She had a very relaxed attitude about her wedding day and I think that’s why she had such a  happy experience. She got exactly what she wanted most of all in the whole world: the love of her life. The flowers, the food, the staging of the event were secondary to her.



    Post # 10
    4464 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I voted that my expectations were high and I was slightly disappointed, but I wouldn’t say that’s 100% accurate to describe how I felt. I had high expectations maybe for what my venue would look like, or what my dress would look like. Like the fantasy that you think about for a long time. When the reality of planning the wedding hits you, you have to adjust your expectations. I only had a 4 month engagment so I didn’t have a long time to adjust my expectations. Like, I wanted a princess dress and I ended up with an a-line. I know that I looked beautiful and ended up with the dress that I was meant to, but it’s hard to let go of the expectations, if you get what I’m saying. Like I also wanted a venue that was above my price point, although I know my venue was beautiful. Things like that… In the end, the actual day was very magical and I am happy with the memories I have and the pictures I have to look back on. 

    Post # 12
    228 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @BelliniChic:  +1!

    Well said and I agree!  My wedding is in 2 months from today, and while we are doing a lot of planning and aspire to have a really great day…..our motto is “Don’t Expect Perfection!”

    Post # 13
    2295 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I don’t know if this will help you, but I have very high expectations – of life in general. I like things to be perfect, I do tons of work and have plans A, B, C, and D to make sure stuff goes off without a hitch (not just the wedding, in life), and I am rarely disappointed. All that just to say I have high expectations and a very clear vision of what I want.

    But – I am 12 days out from our wedding. And I think it really is true that as it gets closer, you sort of chill out and are like, “This thing is going to happen, whatever happens, it is going to be okay.”

    My bridesmaids dresses have been a bit of a nightmare for a variety of reasons. 2 weeks ago I was scouring the internet and going to order thousands of dollars worth of dresses to have them try on and find something that worked.

    As of Saturday, my attitude is now “Here’s the fabric that resembles a dress, you can do whatever you want with it in alterations as long as you show up in it.”

    I think that being overly prepared in earlier stages of wedding planning sets you up well to be able to relax and let things happen as they will when it gets closer. I do not regret at ALL my super-obsessive organizing and choosing and communicating earlier in the process… but you do get to a point where the time for that has passed.

    I have also found that as the wedding has gotten closer I have spent less time on the Bee – less need for it and it can just create more stress as you find other ideas/things to worry about.

    Post # 14
    440 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I had high expections that I didn’t realise were there. I was so laid back:

    “oh it doesn’t matter if anything goes wrong, the only thing that matters is marrying my Fi”

    I can’t say that I’ve always dreamed of getting married but since being with my (now) Darling Husband I played out how the day would go in my head a thousand times and while the day was lovely, I didn’t recongised it from the day I’d imagine- if that makes sense.

    The downside to this is that I felt a huge weight of guilt after the wedding that I didn’t enjoy it the way I thought I would and there were little things I wish had gone differently. I ended up posting about it on the bee, and I felt horrible that I was saying, you know what, it wasn’t the best day of my life.

    Turns out the Bee were great and a whole bunch of ladies here said they’d felt the same, and that actually if the wedding was “the best day of your life” it would be a pretty depressing start to being married!

    I love being married and I’m slowly coming to love the day the way it ended up being, but the bottom line is, if you do feel like your expectations fall to high, so long as you and your darling other get hitched then the rest is a bonus!


    Post # 15
    965 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I’m 26 days away from my big day so I can’t speak from experience as a bride, but as a bridesmaid, I’ve seen my share of weddings and the expectations that come along with it, and have decided that for our wedding, I refuse to get stressed out over the details (even in the preparation process).  I have prioritized the things that need to get done and whatever doesn’t wasn’t meant to be.  I think another key takeaway that I have from watching other friends of mine get married, is just to laugh at the crazy things that will inevitably happen.  Even if you have to do it through gritted teeth haha!  A bride who has a sense of humor and can find joy in a situation rather than flipping the hell out, is much more attractive and appealing 😉

    When I feel myself getting antsy over the details and worrying that things won’t be perfect, I try to reign myself back in and remember why I’m planning this whole wedding in the first place!  I’m marrying my best friend in the whole wide world who I absolutely love and adore…that should be enough to just make you smile!  And just keep in mind that the things that will go wrong probably won’t be noticed by any of your guests anyway.

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