Post # 1
OK ok I have a story about my controlling SIL, but really I just want to hear from you guys!
It’s a bit of a vague question maybe, but I mean, did anyone overstep boundaries towards you and your wedding, think they were entitled, caused issues due to that, etc?
My family tells me this is common (to make me feel better about dealing with my SIL, I say!) but really, how common is it? Also how’s about the relationship AFTER the wedding with the “offenders” (if you will)?
Post # 3
@yassim: Very common…extremely common. Whether it’s SILs, MILs, parents, siblings, friends, bridesmaids. Don’t feel alone, we’ve been there.
Post # 4
oh so so so common. let just say 3 out of my 5 bridesmaids felt this way, had a few friends. people dont know how to not make it about them. it stinks. but you will be fine. most of the time they feel pretty awful afterwards, so just dont freak out at them and all will be well!
Post # 5
Apparently this is a very common occurance. I have yet to really have to deal with it, and I don’t think I will as interest in my wedding is kinda low among both families. I think everyone is just depending on me to make the whole thing come to life. But, all of my engaged friends complain about their parents and in-laws invading their wedding and trying to take over. In these situations you have to be firm. I think that is why I don’t have to deal with this. I’ve been very concrete and clear about what I want for my wedding day. I don’t force anyone to become involved in my planning, because I know that if I do, they will become too involved. I’m not a fan of too many cooks in the kitchen.
Post # 6
My sister has gone ballistic, repeatedly, over not being allowed to a) be in charge of Bridesmaid or Best Man jewelry b) have a master list of contact info for BMs c) plan my bachelorette party d) plan my wedding shower.
I put a lot of restrictions in place because she has a history of throwing tantrums/getting irrational and violent and I don’t want to deal with that leading up to the wedding, but yeah. The fact that she’s not in control of it is a big source of friction.
Post # 7
Yep. My sister/MOH, my aunt, my grandmother even my grandfather! Especially if you are the first to get married in a family, like I am. It’s annoying and irritating but I have never been one to keep my feelings to myself, so I set it all straight as soon as I could. I must say it has worked…for the most part.
If you and your Fiance are doing most of the planning (flowers, favors, menu that sort of thing) then do it and tell no one about what you chose so then they aren’t able to give you their input or try to chnage your mind! Luckily, my mother is my best friend and we are in this one together haha!
Post # 8
We had only been engaged a bit over a month the first time my mom exclaimed “It’s MY wedding too!” SMH
Post # 9
Yup, My sister! I know it is because she wants everything to be perfect, but i think since she didnt get a real wedding it is hard for her to think about what i want, she thinks more about what she wants. Its more with the other plans (bridal shower – the theme was a Royal Tea Party which is not me. she changed it to a Mad Hatter Tea Party finally after our dad had to talk to her, bachlorette party – im not a drinker or bar hopper nor am i a club person and that is what she want to do… NOT FUN FOR ME AT ALL) not so much the wedding, but we will see when we get closer if that changes. And she always brings up etiquette!!! I dont care about etiquette, THERE is no book that says “You have to do this at a wedding!!!” and if there is I dont really care!
Post # 10
Constantly. Aunts, mother, and most recently my sister who informed me she was making the day of timeline for my wedding…uh no, I think I want to be in charge of what I will be doing on my wedding day.
Post # 11
If it wasn’t a keg party where all her family was invited and then people, “any people”, were entitled to come to the “after party” (reception), complete with dollar dance…then it wasn’t her “type” of wedding.
We didn’t give in to her.
OP, you shouldn’t feel pressured to give in either! (But we don’t know your story yet)
Post # 12
I haven’t had anyone do that. Maybe you should set up a poll like “who tried to take over your wedding? nobody, mom, sister, aunt, Mother-In-Law, SIL, grandma, dad, brother, etc.”
Post # 13
My wedding wasn’t my wedding…it was my mother’s. Enough said!
Post # 14
hah! A poll would be a good idea, let me see and put one up in that case, sounds like a lot of others in same situation!
Our wedding has passed recently (my jan 1 date there was just picked upon sign up).
I stood my ground and my SIL (whom is controlling by nature, not just wedding time) was none too happy that she couldn’t. Was a total brat on the wedding day and just embarrassed herself.
Our relationship will never be the same… I mean, I knew this about her (selfish mostly) and it just came to a head from the wedding. Like it wasn’t some wedding fever thing.
Post # 15
@yassim: It’s normal, I think most people get it.
Post # 16
Yup, my Mother-In-Law tried to take over my wedding. Even on my wedding day she decorated with things she knew I hated!