Did getting married affect your JOB?

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@glitter86:  Does your husband work as well? I am living with my FI and even after we’re married I expect an egalitarian approach to “taking care of the home.” He works, I work, I don’t expect to do it all. We try to split things 50/50 based on what chores we prefer. I cook, he cleans dishes, I do laundry and vacuum, he cleans the bathroom and takes out the trash. Does your husband expect these things from you or is it like a personal expectation?

Post # 5
Member
1599 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@glitter86:  you working the way you currently are and having babies might not be possible- that commute sounds redic for a mom. However, is your career as important to you as having kids?

Getting engaged has effected my job because, honestly, I care about it about 10% as much as I did before FI and I got together.  I was solely responsible for myself before and was constantly on edge about money, “making it,” saving, sending money to my family, etc.  Now that we’re a part of a team, I feel like a lot of the pressure is taken off me. It’s honestly made me a better employee- I’m way happier than I was because I’m not constantly stressed out (which i was doing to myself.) I still take my job seriously, it just doesnt define who I am anymore.

Post # 6
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

It definitely put things into perspective for me. For one, my job became more important as a source of income. Before I was married, I always knew I could move back in with mom if I needed to. Savings, buying a house, etc weren’t as important. Now, it’s a necessity that we both bring in solid incomes. On the other hand, working long days has become a lot more of a bother. It’s like because I have a better alternative at home, it’s absolutely PAINFUL to stay at work past my 8 hours. I’ve decided that I’d rather have a great work/life balance than a super awesome career. I just want a job where I can put in my 8 hours, get paid a decent salary, and focus on my passions and loved ones the other 16 hours a day. I might never be an executive or CEO, but I find fullfillment in so many other more satisfying ways.

Post # 7
Member
3355 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I work extra hours at work all the time, uncompensated, because I’m paid full-time. If you want to be the wife you want to be, then you’re going to have to make some career sacrifices.

Post # 9
Member
2551 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you may need to dial back expectations on both work and home fronts in order to achieve that balance that you want. For example, is there any opportunity for a job closer to home where you won’t be driving 3 hours a day? That in itself is stressful enough! And with the home, I know you want to do all the homemaker-y things yourself, but adjusting your goals to include more split time with your husband and see it as more of a team thing may be helpful. The truth is, you cannot be 100% homemaker and 100% working woman, and you also won’t be 100% mother when that time comes. You can focus 100% of your attention to whichever of those things you are currently doing, but you have to find ways to compromise your time and energy to get them both done. Or I guess you could just pick one and go full steam ahead for that, and sacrifice the other completely?

I get your situation though, really. I am a graduate student and work full days between classes, lab assistantship, and clinical rotations, plus I write my thesis/papers and study at home during the nights and on weekends. There seems to be no “off” time, and they pay me peanuts. But I knew coming in to this profession that it’s hard on your time, and my husband and I adjusted our expectations so that we are a team in the housework and we make sure to spend as much time as possible together but understand when it’s not reasonable (i.e., I have a test this week so our “quality time” has been me studying with my feet in his lap while he watches Netflix. Not a candlelit dinner, but at least we are together). I hope you find some middle ground that makes you happy 🙂

 

Post # 11
Member
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@glitter86:  Goodness – 3 hours a day communting!  I’d be resentful long before I got married.  So sorry.  My dad did the commuting thing.  I do’nt know how people do it.

 

For me, life is pretty much the same.

 

I do find it a challenge keeping healthy meals ready to prepare in the house.  I have taken on that role.  I cook from scratch daily, and I want enough leftovers to cover the next day’s lunch.  It’s almost like a part time job!  H wants me to teach him some meals so that I can go for bike rides after work instead of feeling obligated to cook dinner.  He’d just eat Ramen and a cheese bagel, but that would be a crap dinner for IMHO.

Post # 12
Member
2551 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@glitter86:  Lucky! We are 8 hours away from our families – we just get pictures of what they are eating sometimes. Not the same!

Yea, I hear you on the rude awakening. We are undecided on children but I know that balancing just our careers and our home life is challenge enough, so I can’t imagine adding in extra little lives. Such a challenge to do it all and keep a decent balance!

Post # 13
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Well, after the weddign I went stright into a full time nursing program and also working weekends. I have to say I resent my choices sometimes…I have 7 weeks left and then I”m a nurse…and I’ve quite my weekend job but our first year of marriaage is now coming to and end and it’s a ltitle sad we didn’t get to enjoy it more…but we really did make the most of our time together….and that I have only been able to be the kidna wife I want to be on my breaks from school…but I also can’t imagine staying in a permanent situation I wasn’t happy with so if you aren’t happy…I would make some changes. 

Post # 15
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@glitter86:  I had a job earlier in the year that had me working ~80 hours a week. I was on call constantly. My boss would think nothing of telling me at 4:59pm I had to stay late, we once pulled a 36 hour shift with no prior notice. I would get calls at 2am for inconsequential stuff. I knew it wasn’t going to get better, so I found a position that gave me a better work life balance.

I still work more than my DH, but that’s life if you want your wife to be an equal earner. He has to pick up some slack and helps out making dinner or cleaning up when I can’t because I am working. Fortunately my DH values my career as much as his own and we tackle domestic stuff as a team.

 

Post # 16
Member
1712 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@glitter86:  We’ve been living together for about 6 years…married 2 weeks…

I’m out of the house from 6:45am to 6:15pm. DH works from home, and also does improv and stand up 3-4 nights a week.

We have a cleaning lady, lawn guys, and I plan/prep meals and lunches on Sundays. We do our own laundry on our own time.

Having those helpers to do the “annoying things” and planning/prepping meals on Sunday has really helped to maximize the time we do have together.

Also, read the book “Lean In”–it may offer some perspective. On the other hand, 3 hours a day is a hell of a commute. Mine is about 30-40 minutes in the morning and about 45 minutes-1 hour on the way home.

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